Gaze Back Into You
by ceegeeayy
Summary: After meeting the FBI agents who are investigating the murder of her best friend, Jemma Cavanaugh finds herself facing an evil she never thought was possible. M for violent scenes.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I own nothing except my OCs._

**We call that person who has lost his father, an orphan; and a widower that man who has lost his wife. But that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here every language is silent and holds its peace in impotence. -Joseph Roux **

* * *

"Welcome to Steve's." Jemma Cavanaugh greeted two men in her most chipper voice. "Dining room or lounge?"

"Lounge please." one of the men replied. He was dark skinned and extremely buff. He looked to be in his thirties, Jemma guessed.

The first man was the complete opposite of his friend, tall, lanky and slightly awkward looking. His shirt, tie and sweater vest did not match eachother in the slightest. His long, messy brown hair and deep brown eyes were kind of cute though, Jemma had to admit.

She lead them upstairs to the lounge and sat them at a booth and handed them menus.

"Can I get you anything to drink?" Jemma asked.

"Yeah, I'll have a coffee please." the geeky one asked.

"Alright, anything for you?" Jemma asked the other man.

"Water's fine."

Jemma went to pour the men's drinks, wondering why they had asked to sit in the lounge if they were not drinking alcohol. She observed them secretly from behind the counter, trying to catch a bit of their conversation.

"So, the unsub is most likely a sociopath." the tall brunette man said. "He showed absolutely no remorse."

"I know, but could we give it a rest, kid?" the black man asked, sounding rather annoyed. "I'd like to be able to eat without the images of that crime scene running through my head."

"Sorry." the other mumbled, clearly he lacked several basic social skills.

Wait- had they been talking about a crime scene? A particularly nasty crime scene? Jemma felt her heart stop beating for a moment, several tears sprang to her eyes. Her best friend Amelia and her entire had been murdered in their home two nights ago. These guys definitely were not the Morrow Springs PD though, Jemma had known Phil, Bobby and Tim, the only three cops in town all her life and she never would have served them as cordially as she was treating these men, not even if the old bastards were good tippers.

Jemma returned to the table with their drinks and took their orders.

"I'll have the hamburger steak, please." the buff guy said.

Jemma shook her head. "Oh, no you won't. That's garbage, I refuse to let you eat it."

"Alright, what do you suggest then?"

"Well, we catch our trout in Morrow Brook, which is actually more like a river, but they didn't want to confuse it with the Moreau River in Italy, so they called it Morrow Brook. Anyway, it's delicious and a helluva lot cheaper than in the city." Jemma said. "Georgia makes a mean club sandwich too."

"Two clubs it is then."

"Alright," Jemma smiled and jotted down the order on her notepad. "I'll be right back with those."

She disappeared down the stairs and into the kitchen where she gave Georgia, the rough looking middle aged cook the order. She hurried back up the stairs and joined her co-worker, Shawna behind the bar.

"Hey, Shawn, do you recognize those guys at table four?" Jemma whispered.

Shawna rolled her dark eyes. "We live in a town with a population of less than a thousand people. I'm sure I would remember if one of them looked _that_ smokin' hot." She nodded toward the dark, handsome man.

Jemma let out a small laugh. Shawna had been called a lesbian all through high school for never dating, but the truth was, Shawna did not like white men. Maybe it was just to piss off her strict father, but nearly every weekend, Shawna drove to the city, with or without her friends and used her fake ID to go clubbing with what she claimed to be "Beautiful, sophisticated, classy men." instead of going mudding or to pit parties with the "Toothless, white bread imbeciles" who inhabited Morrow Springs.

"I think they're talking about Amelia." Jemma whispered.

Shawna looked away from the men and back at her tall, red-haired friend. "Really, what are they saying?"

"Well, all I heard was that the crime scene was enough to make someone lose their appetite." Jemma confided.

"Well, the funeral's closed casket, makes sense." Shawna reasoned.

Jemma began to tear up again. "I can't believe this. Who would do this to the Sawyers? They were such good people. They didn't deserve this."

Shawna simply shook her head. "I don't know, Jem, but don't cry about it now or Steve will send you home."

Their boss, Steve was known to be rather insensitive toward his employees and Jemma could not risk losing her job. She had to pay for college somehow.

"What do these guys have to do with the investigation though?" Jemma asked.

Shawna shrugged. "Ask them. You do have a right to know anyway, you were her best friend and they've got no living family."

Jemma nodded. The men's food appeared on the dumbwaiter and Jemma took it on a tray to their table. She set it down and told them to enjoy. She began to walk away, but then turned back to them.

"I'm sorry for eavesdropping," she said, getting kind of flustered. "But were you guys talking about the Sawyers' murders?"

The two men exchanged a glance. The awkward man let his more socially confident friend take the question.

"Yes, we were." he said. "The local police called us in to help with the investigation."

"So, what are you guys, the FBI?" Jemma laughed.

"Yes, actually we work for the FBI's BAU," the nerdy man said. "Which stands for Behaviour Analysis Unit. It was originally called-"

"I don't think she asked for a lecture, kid." the other man stopped him.

Jemma smiled politely. "Well, if I had more time, I would love to listen to the history of the Behaviour Analysis Unit. I miss lectures since school got out. Unfortunately though, I have a funeral to be at once my shift is over."

"You knew the Sawyers?" the geek asked.

Jemma nodded. "I was best friends with Amelia since I was three."

"We're sorry for your loss, ma'am." the hunk apologized.

"My name's Jemma, not ma'am." Jemma said.

"I'm Agent Morgan and this is Dr. Reid."

"It's nice to meet you guys, I just wish it could have been under better circumstances."

"It's uh.. it's nice to meet you too, Jemma," Dr. Reid stammered. "I mean, Mrs- I mean Miss..."

Jemma smiled. "It's Cavanaugh, but just call me Jem."

"It's nice to meet you, Jem." Dr. Reid said.

"Well, I've got work to do and I should let you boys enjoy your meal." Jemma said and walked away.

"It's nice to meet you, Jem." Agent Morgan teased Dr. Reid when he was sure that Jemma was out of ear-shot.

"Shut up, Morgan!" Dr. Reid blushed.

"Reid likes the waitress!" Morgan teased some more.

"No, I don't! Well, yes, I do, she's a nice girl, but I don't _like_ like her!"

"Sure, kid, sure."

"Morgan, we're investigating her best friend's murder!"

Morgan shrugged. "So that means you can't get some?"

"_Get some_? She doesn't even look old enough for me to be thinking that."

"_Are_ you thinking that?" Morgan asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, _you're_ thinking that." Dr. Reid said. "You're _always_ thinking that."

Morgan grinned. "Well, you've got me there. You should show her one of your magic tricks though."

They finished their meal in silence and Jemma approached them a few moments later to give them their bills.

"Oh, wait!" she said, taking the bills back. "I forgot to add my discount on there."

"You don't need to-" Morgan attempted to say.

"Yes, yes I do need to." Jemma said. "You guys are going to catch the guy who killed my friends. It's not nearly thanks enough."

Jemma reached into the pocket of her apron for a pen, but was shocked at what she found instead. She pulled a purple lily from her pocket and stared at the two FBI agents in amazement.

"That's amazing!" she exclaimed, looking at Morgan. "How did you do that?"

Morgan shook his head and pointed at Reid.

"A good magician never reveals his secrets." Reid said.

Jemma blushed. "Well, thank you Magic Man, but how did you know purple lilies are my favourite?"

"Well, your perfume smells like lilies and your shoelaces, fingernails and necklace are purple." Reid said.

"And that's how you knew? Who even notices those things?" Jemma asked.

"We do." Reid replied. "It's our job to notice things and profile people. It's how we plan to catch your friend's killer."

"Well that's quite impressive." Jemma said, handing Reid and Morgan their bills. "I guess I'll be seeing you two again soon since this is the only restaurant in town. Let me know when you've got anything on this scuzzbag, OK?"

"Alright. See ya, Jemma." Morgan said.

"Goodbye, Jem."

"Bye boys." Jemma said, retreating behind the bar to talk to Shawna.

"Do you think she liked my magic trick?" Reid whispered to Morgan.

Morgan laughed. "Of course she did, kid. Look, she even did some magic of her own."

A puzzled look came across Reid's face. He looked where Morgan was pointing. Jemma Cavanaugh had written her phone number on Reid's bill.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know if I should continue or not. Oh, if you were looking for my sequel to Threshold and were confused by this, that is because this is not the sequel to Threshold, it's a totally different story, inspired by a horrible nightmare I had last night and a part of my daily life, walking home from work in the dark. The sequel to Threshold is called The Truly Natural Things (or just Things as I am calling it)**

**Speaking of horrible nightmares, this story will get really frightening, despite the fluffy start. I will rate it T for now, but it will definitely change to M later. That is a promise. Not because of any kinky Reid/Jemma stuff, but for actual things that would give young'uns nightmares (i.e.; murder, rape, etc.). **

**Also, this is going to be a bit like a case-fic, just extended a little bit after the case (maybe more than a little bit, I have yet to plan that far ahead, I'd like to see how this goes first.) However, this case-fic-ish thing is going to be kind of like the episodes that focus mainly on the unsub with very little team involvement, except it will be victim focus instead of unsub.**

**Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read, please don't forget to review!**


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I own nothing except my OCs._

**Nobody can hurt me without my permission. - Mohandas Gandhi**

* * *

"So what have you guys got so far?" Morgan asked the rest of the BAU.

Morgan and Reid had just returned from lunch at Steve's diner, which happened to be directly across the road from the Morrow Springs Police Department. The police department was like something out of an old movie. It was literally one room that held three messy desks and one holding cell. Morgan imagined that Sheriff Haggerty probably had one of those big old rings of skeleton keys hanging up somewhere and the prisoners would devise plans to steal them while he was sleeping.

"Well, we found that he killed Mrs. Sawyer first, then Mr. Sawyer and the oldest son." Hotch said. "He stabbed all them in the living room. There were five chairs arranged in the living room, they were stabbed there, but it looks like he let the younger three go for awhile."

"There was a meal on the table." Prentiss added.

"Before or after the first three were killed?" Reid asked.

"After." Prentiss replied. "There were only four settings."

"So he made them cook for him?" Morgan said. "Was he trying to live out some kind of fantasy."

"Yes," Rossi replied. "And a very sick one at that. He raped the Sawyers' daughter in the master bedroom before he killed the youngest kids, then her."

"So we're looking for a single white male, probably twenty-one to forty-five." Prentiss said.

"What makes you think that?" Sheriff Haggerty interrupted.

"Well, he's single because if he had a wife and kids, he wouldn't need to live out this fantasy." Reid explained. "He's white because inter-racial rape is extremely rare and less than one percent of the population of Morrow Springs is black. Twenty-one to forty-five is the approximate age range because he's most likely big and intimidating, strong enough to over-power an entire family."

"Well, you might want to change that age range." Deputy Bright said. "Most guys in Morrow Springs could take down a bear by the age of fourteen."

"I don't think we're looking at a kid," Reid said. "This kill was too skilled and precise."

"You're saying he's killed before?" Sheriff Haggerty asked.

"Yes, in the exact same way." Reid said. "Has there ever been a similar murder?"

"No." the sheriff replied.

"Yes there was." Deputy Brooks piped up. "Four years ago. Not in Morrow Springs though, it was in Slaughterville."

_Slaughterville? Who the hell names a town Slaughterville?_ Morgan thought.

"That's not that close though." Prentiss said.

"It's where all the kids go to party on the weekends." Deputy Bright explained. "They used to go to Samson Creek before the football rivalry got too bad and kids were getting beat up just for steppin' into town."

"So, what makes a guy do this kind of thing?" the sheriff asked. "What kind of man fantasizes about killing half a family, having dinner with the rest then raping their daughter and killing the rest of the kids?"

"Well, that's not the fantasy, sheriff." Hotch said. "The fantasy is most likely that the daughter is his wife and the younger children are their kids. He has to kill the parents and older siblings because in his mind, they stand in the way of him getting the girl. This is probably someone who's been rejected recently."

"Like a denied marriage proposal." Prentiss suggested. "The fact that he killed the parents first suggests that maybe the proposal was declined or ended because of the real girl's parents."

"Well, that doesn't really happen much in Morrow Springs." Deputy Bright said. "Most girls marry right out of high school, some before they even finish."

"Who hasn't?" Rossi asked.

"Pretty much just Amelia Sawyer, Shawna Dealer and Jemma Cavanaugh." Deputy Brooks replied.

"Everyone knew Amelia Sawyer was forbidden territory and Shawna Dealer is a dyke." Sheriff Haggerty said. "Jemma Cavanaugh was proposed to by Willie Preston a few years ago, but the stuck up little bitch said no. Willie was heartbroken. That Jemma thinks she's better than everyone in town, but her daddy's the biggest alcoholic in Morrow Springs."

"You're a cop, not a judge." Reid said, attracting several extremely confused looks from the members of the BAU. "Her character really doesn't matter if she's a potential victim."

_Shut your mouth, kid_. Morgan thought.

"Who said she was a potential victim?" the sheriff asked.

"You did when you said that her ex-boyfriend could be our unsub and she could be the stressor." he said, rather aggressively for Reid.

Morgan hadn't seen Reid act like this since he was on Dilaudid. No one ever said anything, but the BAU all knew of the young genius's addiction. Thankfully he had gotten over it, but this outburst made Morgan wonder if maybe Reid had relapsed.

"Well, we have a funeral to get to." Deputy Brooks said, trying to avoid a conflict.

The other two officers relaxed a bit and left the station with Brooks.

"So what was that about, Spence?" JJ asked Reid.

Reid shrugged. "He has no right to judge Jem like that."

"Jem?" Rossi said suspiciously.

"Jemma Cavanaugh is a waitress across the street." Morgan explained. "She gave Reid her number."

"Reid, you know better than to get involved with a victim." Hotch warned.

"Hey, she's not a victim yet." Morgan defended. "And we didn't know she was involved when we met her."

"Alright," Hotch sighed. "JJ and I have to meet the media. Rossi and Prentiss will go to Slaughterville and find out what they can on the murder there. Reid, Morgan, I want you two to go talk to Jemma Cavanaugh since she already trusts you two."

* * *

Jemma walked along the road in a simple black dress and a pair of black flats. She was almost six feet tall, she definitely did not need heels. The gentle summer breeze blew her dark orange bangs across her coffee coloured eyes, making it difficult to see, but it was not a nuisance to her, she walked these roads daily. She could not afford a car so she walked six miles to and from work everyday. Today though, she was walking a slightly less familiar road, the two mile walk from Steve's Diner to the Morrow Springs cemetery.

A black SUV pulled up beside her. The passenger side window rolled down and Jemma saw who was inside, Agent Morgan and Dr. Reid.

"Hey boys." she smiled at them.

"H-hi, Jem." Reid squeaked. "We uh... we need to ask you a few questions."

Jemma's smile vanished and she bit her lip. "Can I go to the Sawyers' funeral first?"

"Yeah, sure." Reid replied. "Here, we'll drive you."

"Thanks." Jemma said, jumping in the back of the vehicle.

* * *

"Do you need a drive home, Jem?" Reid asked.

Jemma looked sad and distant, not her usual cheerful self. At the funeral she had shed her first public tears for her friend. It got worse as people gave her dirty looks while she said a few words about the Sawyers. It was all too real to her now. She would never see her best friend again.

She nodded silently.

"Reid, wanna drop me back at the station?" Morgan asked, getting in the back and letting Jemma take the front passenger seat. "Then you can talk to Jemma alone."

Reid and Jemma both assumed that Morgan meant they could talk about the case. Morgan had other plans for them though. In his mind he was playing cupid for the two seemingly obvious would-be lovers.

"I'm... I'm sorry." Reid said to Jemma, trying to break the silence after they dropped Morgan off.

"Don't be." Jemma said. "You didn't kill them and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. Don't be sorry."

"Sorry." Reid said, causing Jemma to laugh. "What's so funny?"

"You." Jemma grinned. "You just apologized for apologizing."

She realized that she had hurt him. The poor guy looked like he had enough trouble in social situations, being alone in a car with a girl who had just lost her best friend was probably up there on the list of the worst possible social scenarios for him.

"I'm sorry." Jemma said. "It wasn't funny, I'm not unappreciative."

"Empathy's probably the most difficult emotion to vociferate." Reid said.

"And sympathy's probably the most difficult one to accept when you've never seen it before." Jemma sighed.

"Uh... you said you go to college?" Reid asked, eager to change the subject.

"Yeah." Jemma confirmed.

"What are you studying?"

"English." Jemma replied. "Then I want to get my bachelor of education. What did you study? You're a doctor, but you can't be _that_ kind of doctor, or you wouldn't be travelling to Oklahoma with the FBI. So you must have some kind of PhD."

"I have three actually, mathematics, chemistry and engineering and I have BA's in psychology and sociology."

Jemma was impressed. "Wow, how old are you?" she asked.

"Twenty-eight." Reid replied. "I uh... I finished high school when I was twelve."

"So you're a genius?"

"In the technical sense of the word, yes. A genius is anyone with an IQ higher than 140." Reid said.

"What's yours?"

"One eighty-seven."

"Holy... So where did you go to university?" Jemma asked.

"Caltech."

"I got accepted to Caltech." she said.

"Why didn't you go?" Reid asked.

Jemma shrugged. "Too expensive and I've got things I have to stay in Morrow Springs for. Amelia drives- I mean Amelia_ drove _me to school everyday."

"You could stay in residence now. Or get a car."

Jemma shook her head. "I have to stay here."

Reid looked at Jemma suspiciously and she pointed her driveway out to him. He turned in and realized that since they had left the town, they had only passed one house on the way here. Reid drove the SUV up the long, dirty driveway and put it in park when they reached the small blue bungalow.

Jemma got out of the vehicle and Reid followed her to the door. Jemma dug a key out of her pocket and unlocked the door.

"Lizzy, I'm home!" she called.

A young girl with hair as red as Jemma's walked out of the living room.

"Hey Jemma." she said. "Is that your boyfriend?"

Reid and Jemma both blushed.

"No, Lizzy," Jemma said. "This is Dr. Reid, he works for the FBI."

"Like a spy?"

Jemma laughed. "No, not like a spy. He's more like a detective. He's going to find the guy who killed Amelia."

"Oh, OK." Lizzy said. "I'm going to watch TV now. Can I have pizza for supper?"

"I'm sure you've watched enough TV today." Jemma said. "Why don't you take the dogs outside?"

Lizzy sighed. "OK." She turned off the television and went outside.

"So you stay here for your daughter?" Reid inquired, following Jemma to the kitchen. "Why don't you just get an apartment in the city. You could walk to school and-"

"She's eight and I'm twenty. Do the math, doc." Jemma said. "I'm twelve years older than Lizzy. It's impossible for me to- OK, it's not impossible, especially here in Morrow Springs," Jemma shuddered when she realized how many girls she knew who had had children before they even reached the ninth grade. "But I'm not her mother. If I was, I could take her and leave this place forever."

"What's stopping you?" Reid asked.

Jemma sighed and grabbed a frozen pizza from the freezer. "My father."

"I'm sorry." Reid said.

"What did I tell you about apologizing?"

"Sorry."

Jemma laughed even harder. "You're so adorably awkward."

Reid blushed. "Uh... can I help you with anything?"

"Yeah, could you turn the oven on for me?" Jemma asked. "You might have to kick it a couple times for-" She stopped when she saw the element turn red. "Wow, I guess you really are magic."

"No, just lucky I guess."

Jemma laughed. "There's no such thing as luck when it comes to that decrepit old thing. Want some coffee, Magic Man?"

"Yeah, sure." Reid replied. "Is there anyone who can help you with Lizzy?"

Jemma shook her head and put the pizza in the oven. "No. Our aunt and uncle used to watch her while I was at work, but they stopped about a year ago, told me they were done helping me. Believe it or not, she's a lot better off than most kids in Morrow Springs. I just wish CPS would see that."

"They come out here a lot?" Reid asked.

Jemma nodded. "That's why I got the dogs. That and to keep Lizzy safe from our father."

"You really should just leave."

"Could you please stop?" Jemma said, on the verge of tears. "You came here to talk to me about the case, not my home life."

"I'm sorry."

"Good, you should be this time." Jemma forced a smile and gave him his coffee.

Reid was about to ask Jemma a question about the Sawyers when the door flew open and Lizzy came running inside, followed by the two dogs.

"Dad's home!" she shouted to Jemma as she barricaded herself in her room.

"Oh no." Jemma gasped. "You should leave, or at least get your gun ready."

They heard Mr. Cavanaugh slam the truck door and enter the house.

"Jemma Louise!" he hollered.

"Yes Daddy?" she said in her most innocent and cheerful voice, hoping that would calm him.

"Whose fucking car is that?" Mr. Cavanaugh asked, stepping into the kitchen. He looked at Reid. "And who the fuck are you? Another one of those CPS bastards? Get out of my house!"

"Daddy, no." Jemma said. "Dr. Reid works for the FBI, he's investigating Amelia's death."

Mr. Cavanaugh laughed. "Bullshit! This pipecleaner is in the FBI? Yeah, and I'm Elvis fuckin' Presley!"

Reid tried to show Jemma's father his credentials, but Mr. Cavanaugh chucked them across the kitchen.

"So you think you've got the right to come into my house just because you work for the fuckin' government, boy?"

Reid shook his head. "No, Jemma invited me in." he said, his voice trembling.

"I'll show you what you get for settin' foot in my house, boy!" Mr. Cavanaugh yelled, raising his fist.

Jemma screamed and stepped between the two men. Her father's fist landed on her jaw. The pain was overwhelming, but she did not say a word, not even a stifled cry, not even a tear.

Mr. Cavanaugh just grunted, mumbled something inaudible, grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and went to the living room and turned on the television.

"Come on, I'm getting you out of here." Reid said. "Get your sister."

Jemma shook her head. "No, I'm fine."

"Your father just hit you!" Reid persisted.

"I'm fine, honest."

"You're bruising already! He could have broken your jaw." Reid said. "Please, just humour me, Jem."

Jemma sighed and rubbed her jaw where she had been struck. It had already went from red to a pale shade of purple. "Fine." she agreed quite contemptuously. "But Lizzy can stay. He won't touch her with the dogs here to protect her. It'll only make it worse for me if we take her with us."

Something in Jemma's voice told Reid that she knew that from experience, not estimation.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the... OK, _enjoy_ isn't the word to use when talking about abuse, but you know what I mean. Action finally. I just want to warn you all now that this is not going to be some Mary-Sue kind of thing where Reid takes Jemma and Lizzy away and they live happily ever after. No, something horrific is waiting in the near future, infact it will be the whole point of this story. This fluffy stuff is just leading up to it. Jemma is one tough cookie, she does not need to be saved from her father. Speaking of tough, I absolutely love the quote for this chapter. When I found this I was just like "Wow, that fits Jemma perfectly!" In case y'all haven't noticed, Jemma's a generally happy, optimistic and outgoing person. She doesn't let the abuse or unfortunate circumstances effect her, but that leads the people of Morrow Springs to think of her as stuck-up. Anyway, that will all be explained in future chapters. **

**I apologize to anyone who favours The Truly Natural Things that I updated Gaze Back Into You today instead of Things. Gaze has just gripped me and I want to write some of this out of my system before I forget it all. I'm also having some trouble writing the case for Things. You'll see why when I finally do publish chapter two. I think tomorrow will be spent watching the certain horror film that inspired the chapter and possibly watching a CM episode about child abduction. I've already said too much!**

**Anyway, please review and let me know what you think! Any criticism (good or bad) is always welcome! **


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I own nothing except my OCs._

**All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name. - Andre Breton**

* * *

Reid and Jemma pulled into the parking lot of Skeeter's in Samson Creek about half an hour later. They went inside the bar and sat down in a large booth with the rest of the BAU.

"Guys, this is Jemma Cavanaugh." Reid introduced them. "Jem, this is Hotch, Rossi, JJ, Prentiss and you've already met Morgan."

"Hey, nice to meet you guys." Jemma smiled at them.

They smiled back at her, but all took notice of the large bruise that had formed on her jaw in the sneaky way that profilers do.

"Hey Jemma, come dance with me." Morgan offered, hoping he could get some answers from the girl and that Reid could explain what happened the the team and tell them what he found out about the Sawyers and Willie Preston.

"Alright." Jemma said, hopping out of the booth and to the dance floor.

The music wasn't exactly what Morgan was used to, but he managed to get his "groove thang" on anyway. Jemma laughed hysterically as they grinded on the dance floor to the beat of the country song. Several couples who had been busy doing what Morgan could only assume they called dancing were giving them dirty looks, but they ignored it.

"So how'd you get that battle wound?" Morgan asked.

"It's uh... it's nothing." Jemma lied. "I fell."

"Now I know you didn't fall and I know that even if Pretty Boy was capable of causing any damage to a pretty lady, he still wouldn't. Now tell me where you got the bruise."

"It has nothing to do with your case, Agent Morgan." Jemma said. "Why would you want to know?"

"Please, call me Derek." Morgan said. "And I want to know because I don't tolerate anyone hitting any pretty lady."

"My father came home drunk before Dr. Reid had a chance to ask me any of his questions." Jemma said, her voice seeped in guilt and humiliation. No one had seen her get hit by her father, not even Amelia, not even Lizzy. "He was going to hit Dr. Reid, but I jumped in the way."

"You didn't need to do that." Morgan said. "He may not look like it, but the kid can take a hit."

Jemma smiled faintly. "Why do you call him 'kid' when he's twenty-eight?"

"He's like a little brother to me, to all of us actually." Morgan explained.

"That's sweet." Jamma said. "Must be nice to have a second family, I don't even have one."

"Well, for Reid the BAU is his family." Morgan said. "His dad left when he was a kid and his mom's in a sanitarium."

"It's probably not your place to tell me that." Jemma said.

Morgan shrugged. "Has he made any headway in talking to you?"

Jemma laughed. "You know, I think I'm a pretty easy person to talk to, but he can barely hold himself together. It's kind of cute, but how do you guys ever interview a witness like that?"

Morgan laughed. "We usually don't leave the talking to Reid, but we thought we'd do him a favour this time."

"Favour?"

"Oh come on, Lil' Red, you can't tell me you haven't noticed!"

"Noticed what?"

"Reid has a crush on you."

"No he doesn't." Jemma laughed.

"Oh yes he does." Morgan said. "Don't you tell me you don't want to get in bed with the adorable geek at the end of the night."

"No, I don't." Jemma said.

"Well, I'm not going to be the one to break the news to him." Morgan said.

* * *

"So what did you get from _Jem_?" JJ asked Reid, saying Jemma's name in a teasing voice.

Reid shook his head. "Nothing."

"Nothing about the case, or nothing in general?" Prentiss laughed.

"Nothing at all."

"How did she get that bruise?" Rossi asked.

"Her father came home before I had a chance to ask her anything about the Sawyers or Willie Preston." Reid said. "He was going to hit me, but she took the punch."

"Tough girl." Rossi said.

"This is all my fault." Reid said.

"Don't beat yourself up over it, Reid." Rossi said. "She looks like she can handle it."

Reid turned around to see Jemma dancing with Morgan. Of course she would end up liking Morgan. Wasn't that how it always went?

* * *

"You should probably go talk to him." Morgan said to Jemma. "I can guarantee you that he's beating himself up for it right now."

"Alright." Jemma agreed. "Thanks for the dance, Derek."

She skipped her way to the booth and tapped Reid on the shoulder.

"Hey handsome." she greeted him. "Can I buy you a drink?"

"You're not even old enough to buy liquor." Reid said.

"Then wanna buy me a drink?" Jemma smirked.

"No."

Jemma pouted. "Please?"

"You're not legal!"

"Stop treating me like a child!" she insisted.

"Fine," Reid gave in. "What do you drink?"

"Jack Daniels."

Reid got up and lead Jemma to the bar where she down a couple shots.

"Dance with me?" Jemma asked, batting her eyelashes.

"I don't dance." Reid said.

"Then come outside with me."

Reid followed her outside to the parking lot. Jemma began to shiver so he took of his jacket and put it on her. She was still wearing the black dress she had worn to the funeral.

"Thank you." Jemma said.

"I'm sorry." Reid said.

"What have I told you about that word?" Jemma laughed.

"But it's my fault he hit you, Jem!" Reid insisted.

"He would have hit me anyway, Dr. Reid." Jemma said. "Ugh! Do you have a name other than Doctor? It's really annoying to have to call you that."

"Spencer. My name's Spencer." Reid blushed.

Jemma smiled. "Well, Spencer, would you mind putting your arms around me? I'm still cold."

Reid was shocked at how bold Jemma was. She didn't even wait for a response, she draped her arms loosely around his neck and waited what seemed like an eternity for him to wrap his arms around her waist. He looked her in the eye for a brief second then looked away and tried to break free of her embrace.

"Spencer..." she whimpered.

"Jemma, I'm sorry, I can't do this." Reid said. "You're a witness! This is wrong."

"Do you like me?" Jemma asked.

"No, I- I mean, yes, of course I like you," Reid stuttered. "But this isn't-"

"I like you too. Now please shut up and let me enjoy this." she said, pressing her lips against his.

Reid pulled away again, but then gave into his urges.

"Thank you." Jemma whispered. "For being the only person to care."

Reid was unsure of how to reply to her, so he just pulled her closer.

Jemma rested her head on his shoulder. "No one's ever cared about me before." she repeated. "Except Amelia, but she's... she's gone." Despite her best efforts, tears began to fall from her eyes and soaked into Reid's shirt.

"Don't cry. Jem." he said desperately. "Please don't cry."

"I'm sorry." Jemma sobbed.

"Don't be." Reid said, causing Jemma to laugh through her sobs.

She wiped her eyes and looked up at him. He wondered what it was about her eyes that pulled him in like that. It could have been the way they shined with innocence, she had never witnessed anything close to what he had to see on a daily basis. Or maybe it was because they were the colour of coffee.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

Jemma nodded. Reid lead her back inside the bar where the BAU was just getting ready to leave.

"Jemma, you should... you should stay with us tonight." Reid said.

"Spencer, no." she protested. No way would she go home with someone she just met.

"Jemma, please?" he begged.

"I'm not a slut, Spencer!"

"I know you're not a slut." he said, loud enough for everyone else to hear. "I didn't mean it like that, I meant that I can't let you go home and get hit again."

"I'm fine, I can handle it." Jemma insisted.

"He's right." Hotch interrupted. "We really can't let you go back there tonight."

Jemma sighed and went along with it. Half an hour later they rolled into Morrow Springs. Since there was no hotel or even a seedy motel in Morrow Springs, the BAU was staying in the apartment above the General Store.

Everyone went to their rooms except Reid and Jemma.

"So there's uh... not enough beds here." Jemma said awkwardly.

Reid shook his head.

"So where are we sleeping?" Jemma asked.

Reid walked over to the sofa and pulled out the bed.

"Oh dear lord." Jemma laughed.

"I'll take the floor." Reid offered.

"No, it's alright." Jemma said. "I don't mind sharing."

They both got into bed and under the blankets. They kept a distance between them, but stared deeply into eachother's eyes. Slowly and gradually, they moved closer to eachother until their arms and legs were entwined and their lips locked together. They fell asleep in eachother's arms and for the first time in years, Jemma felt safe.

* * *

**A/N: No action, just fluff. Leave it to me, eh? Trust me, once the action starts (like in the next two or three chapters, I promise!), you'll be wishing to go back to the fluff.**

**Anyway, some reviews would be sweet. **


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I do not own CM, just my OCs._

* * *

**Out of the night that covers me, **  
**Black as the Pit from pole to pole, **  
**I thank whatever gods may be **  
**For my unconquerable soul. **

**In the fell clutch of circumstance **  
**I have not winced nor cried aloud. **  
**Under the bludgeonings of chance **  
**My head is bloody, but unbowed. **

**Beyond this place of wrath and tears **  
**Looms but the Horror of the shade, **  
**And yet the menace of the years **  
**Finds, and shall find, me unafraid. **

**It matters not how strait the gate, **  
**How charged with punishments the scroll. **  
**I am the master of my fate: **  
**I am the captain of my soul.**

**Invictus - William Ernest Henley**

* * *

When Reid awoke the next morning, Jemma was nowhere to be seen. He assumed that she had woken up, realized her drunken mistake and went home before he could say good morning to her.

Reid heard the rest of the BAU waking up and preparing for the day.

"Oh, no you don't!" Prentiss yelled somewhere in the apartment. "I called dibs on the shower last night, Derek!"

Reid threw the blankets off of himself and stood up and stretched.

"Well, good morning, player." Morgan laughed. "Where's Jemma?"

Reid shrugged. "I was hoping you knew actually."

"Well, we're heading over to the diner soon, wanna come with?" Morgan asked.

"Sure."

* * *

"Well good morning darlin's." Jemma smiled at Morgan, Prentiss and Reid as they walked into Steve's.

She looked great, except for the bruise on her jaw. Her long, wild red hair was up in a ponytail and her coffee-coloured eyes look more rested than they had in a long time.

"Morning, Princess." Morgan said.

"Princess?" Jemma laughed. "Who are you callin' Princess?"

She lead them to a table and handed them menus. Then she brought them all a cup of coffee and sat down with them.

"So, what are you guys doing today?" she asked.

"Well, we're going to have a second look at the crime scene," Prentiss said. "See if there's anything we missed."

"And Reid still has some questions to ask you." Morgan reminded them.

Reid blushed and took a sip of his heavily sugared coffee.

"Maybe you should come to the crime scene with us, Jemma." Prentiss suggested. "You knew the Sawyers better than anyone in town, maybe you can see what we're missing."

"No, Emily, I don't think that-" Reid tried to protest.

"Sure, I'll do it." Jemma agreed.

"Are you sure, Jem?" Reid asked. "You really want to see where Amelia was killed?"

"If it helps you guys find the sick bastard who did this to her, sure, I'd do anything."

* * *

After Jemma's shift was over that afternoon, Reid, Morgan and Prentiss drove her to the Sawyers' house. It was a large log house that Mr. Sawyer had built himself while he was in college. Jemma knew it just as well as she knew her own, it was her second home. Had been her second home. She wondered for a moment what happens to houses people are murdered in. Surely they must put them on the market at some point, but do the real estate agents tell potential buyers that a family had been murdered there or do they just pretend like nothing every happened?

"Ready Princess?" Morgan asked.

Jemma nodded, took a deep breath then exhaled. Reid, who she had not spoken a word to since the night before offered her his hand, but she pushed him away. Jemma could do this on her own. Reid had this effect on her that made it hard for her to hold herself together when he was around. Part of her wanted to break down in his arms and let him take her far away from all this, but she knew that it was an unrealistic fantasy, he was an FBI agent sent to investigate her best friend's death, not her knight in shining armour.

"Just tell us if anything seems to be out of place, alright Jemma?" Prentiss instructed.

Jemma nodded and opened the door. The first thing she noticed was the blood stains on the living room carpet, but she looked away from them, the BAU had obviously already seen those. She noticed the spare dining room chairs arranged in the living room.

"These shouldn't be here." Jemma said.

"Yeah, we know, that's where he lined them up to kill them." Morgan said.

"Then why are there only five chairs?" Jemma asked. "There were six Sawyers."

The agents exchanged glances.

"Alright, Jemma, notice anything else?" Prentiss asked.

"Well, a bunch of the pictures are turned around." she said, taking a look at the walls and the shelves. "The only ones left up are... they're pictures of Amelia and her two youngest brothers, Jake and Jesse."

"Anything else?" Morgan asked.

Jemma shook her head and moved to the dining room. The odour of rotting food hit her nostrils and she began to gag.

"Oh my god, what is that?" she asked, looking at the four places set on the table.

"I think it was liver and onions." Reid said.

"That's weird." Jemma said.

"Why?" Prentiss asked.

"The Sawyers hated liver. I don't know why it's on the table, they've never ever bought any as far as I know."

"Could the unsub have brought it with him?" Morgan asked.

Jemma went to the kitchen and looked in the garbage can. "There's a receipt here from the General Store." She handed the receipt to Reid.

"It's dated the night of the murders." he said. "Looks like he did bring it with him."

"I'll call Hotch and have him ask the store employees if they remember anyone." Morgan said, taking his cell phone from his pocket.

Jemma looked in Mr. Sawyer's office and then made her way up the stairs. Each of the Sawyer children's bedrooms seemed normal, their beds were slept in, but other than that, everything seemed fine.

The master bedroom at the end of the hallway was a whole different story though. There were two large blood stains on the carpet by the door and the bed was soaked in blood.

"Is this where he..." Jemma trailed off.

Reid nodded and took her hand. Jemma leaned into him and shed several tears. Reid shot Morgan and Prentiss a look that said "I told you so."

"Hey, what's that doing there?" Jemma asked, looking over Reid's shoulder.

He released her and turned to look where she was pointing.

"This shouldn't be here." Jemma said, picking up a ring from the nightstand.

"What is it?" Morgan asked.

"It's Amelia's purity ring." Jemma said. "She never took it off. Not unless... Oh my god. No. No. No way."

"Jemma-" Reid tried to calm her.

"Why didn't you tell me she was raped?" Jemma demanded. "I hate you!"

She ran out of the house and did not look back.

* * *

"Jemma, please listen to me." Reid begged her.

"Go away!" Jemma hissed. "I'm working, I don't have time for this."

"But Jemma, please, I-"

"Leave. Now." Jemma said, pointing to the door of the restaurant.

"Jemma, I didn't mean to hurt you!" Reid persisted. "In fact that's exactly why I didn't tell you."

Jemma just shook her head. "Please just leave."

"Jemma-"

"She told you to leave." Shawna said, stepping in. "There's the door, don't let it hit you on the way out."

Reid sighed and gave up. He left the restaurant, turning around just once to see the sad look on Jemma's face.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want a drive?" Shawna asked Jemma as they stepped into the cool night air. She twirled the keys to her brand new Ford Focus in her hand.

Jemma smiled and shook her head. "See ya tomorrow, Shawn."

"See ya, Jemma." she said, getting in her car and driving away.

Jemma waved goodbye to her friend and walked across the parking lot, heading home.

"Hey-" someone said.

Jemma screamed.

"Jem, it's me." Reid said.

"Don't scare me like that!" Jemma said. "And I told you to go away. What part of 'I hate you' don't you understand?"

He looked sad and hurt. "I understand it."

"Then why are you here?"

"I just wanted to apologize." he said. "Can I at least drive you home? You shouldn't be walking with a serial killer on the loose."

Jemma sighed. "Fine."

Reid opened the passenger side door for her. She shot him a resentful look and got in. They drove to her house in silence. When they parked, Reid got out first and opened the door for Jemma.

"Thanks for the drive." she said.

"Um... Jemma?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I know you hate me now, but I'm still supposed to question you." Reid reminded her.

Jemma sighed. "Fine, but can I at least get out of my work clothes?"

"Yeah, sure."

Jemma lead him into the house. Lizzy was sleeping and Mr. Cavanaugh was nowhere to be seen, but the dogs began to bark.

"Hansel! Gretel! Shut up!" Jemma hissed.

"Sorry, that's probably my fault." Reid said. "Dogs and kids don't like me. The BAU calls it the Reid-effect."

This made Jemma laugh and Reid felt as though there might be a hope that she would forgive him.

She came to her bedroom door and told him to wait in the hallway. She re-emerged moments later in a pair of cut-off denim shorts and a pink plaid shirt. Her hair was down now, a small strand hanging in her face. Reid cautiously tucked it behind her ear, afraid that she might hit him or push him away. She didn't. In fact, she had to fight the urge to hold his hand to her face. She liked how her skin seemed to tingle like the time she had grabbed that electric fence when she was a kid. She liked how her stomach felt as if it were filled with butterflies whenever she looked at him and how her palms sweat whenever he was around.

"You want to go somewhere a little quieter?" Reid asked.

"Yeah, I know just the place." Jemma said, grabbing his hand and dragging him outside.

She loved the way his hand felt in hers. His long bony fingers seemed to fit perfectly between hers.

Jemma lead Reid behind the house, past the old, dilapidated barn, through a trail that snaked between the trees and to a small clearing that was cut in two by a creek which widened into a large swimming hole.

Jemma laughed and spun in circles beneath the starlight. Reid laughed at how carefree she seemed to be. She looked almost mystical the way the moonlight hit her dark red hair and creamy white skin. She grabbed his hand again and pulled him down onto the damp grass.

"I think I forgive you." she said seriously, staring into his eyes.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Jem." he said. "I just didn't want to hurt you."

"It's alright." she said.

They laid on their backs and looked at the stars. Reid began to name some of the constellations for her.

"And that one there is Cancer." he said, pointing at the sky.

"Cancer." Jemma repeated solemnly. "Funny how it can look so pretty in the sky."

"Jemma..."

"My mother died of cancer." Jemma said.

"I'm sorry." Reid said.

Jemma shrugged. "You've really gotta stop apologizing for things you have no control over. Maybe it would make it mean more when you really do screw up."

She shyly inched closer to Reid, but he did not seem to notice.

"Jemma, I have to ask you about your ex-boyfriend." Reid said, remembering why he was there in the first place.

"Ex-boyfriend?" Jemma said. "I've never had a boyfriend before."

"What? That's not what Sheriff Haggerty said."

Jemma sat up and looked Reid in the eye. "And you take everything that bastard says for the truth?"

"He said that Willie Preston proposed to you, but you declined and he was heartbroken."

Jemma laughed loudly. "Yeah, he proposed to me on our first and only date four years ago in the tenth grade. He was pissed off so he told everyone I was a stuck up bitch."

"Do you think he was angry enough to kill someone?" Reid asked.

"No, why, do you think he killed the Sawyers?" Jemma asked.

"It's a possibility." Reid said. "The unsub-"

"What's an unsub?"

"It means unknown subject." Reid explained. "Anyway, we think he was set off by a rejection like a declined marriage proposal."

"But that was four years ago." Jemma said.

"Four years ago, a family in Slaughterville was killed the exact same way."

"Oh no... It can't be Willie though. He's married now."

"We still have to look into him." Reid said. "Why did you decline?"

"Other than the fact that I was sixteen? He just wanted in my pants."

"But most guys don't propose just to get into a girl's pants, do they?"

Jemma laughed at how awkward Reid sounded. "No, not unless they're wearing one of these." She raised her left hand so he could see and wiggled her ring finger, showing him her purity ring. "You're such an observant profiler."

"I'm usually just looking at your eyes." Reid blushed.

"You're adorable, you know that, right?" Jemma teased.

"So uh... why do you have a purity ring?" Reid asked. "Despite the obvious reasons of course."

"Oh, it's not a religious thing, if that's what you're wondering. Amelia's was a religious choice, I went to church with the Sawyers every Sunday, but mine's for more personal reasons." Jemma said. "I uh... I don't need another reason to be stuck in Morrow Springs, ya know?"

Reid nodded.

"I guess that's why the entire population thinks I'm a stuck up bitch." Jemma shrugged. "I guess that's what you get for not accepting your pathetic fate."

"I don't believe in fate."

"I don't know what I believe in." Jemma sighed. "I thought maybe it was fate when you walked into the diner, but maybe it's just one of those cruel jokes that life plays on people."

"What do you mean?" Reid asked.

"Well, I really like you, but you're going to leave once you find this creep." Jemma explained.

"You can leave with me." Reid offered.

"You and I both know that I can't."

"Well, I'll come visit you whenever I have time off."

Jemma shook her head. "And you expect me to just put my life on hold when that happens? You know I can't do that, Spencer."

"Please just come with me." Reid pleaded, reaching for Jemma hand. "I can help you get into Georgetown and find you a job. You don't have to live with me, we can take it slow if you want. You can bring Lizzy too. Please, Jemma, I can't leave you here to die."

"Spencer, I'm not going to die." Jemma insisted.

"But your father, he could-"

"I've lived like this for four years now, Spencer, I can handle it." she said. "Besides, my brother will be home from Iraq at the end of August. He won't let Dad hurt me."

"Are you sure, Jem?"

"I'm sure." she replied. "Spencer, I really do like you, but I don't think it's right or even realistic for you to just take me away when I only just met you. Can't we just enjoy this while we can?"

Reid had to admit that Jemma was right. He knew that the things he said were ridiculous and illogical. He wasn't even sure why he'd said them. Something about this girl made him flustered and caused his amazing brain to turn to mush. He pulled her back down onto the grass and she rested her head on his chest. She entwined their fingers and he kissed the top of her head, becoming overwhelmed by the floral scent of her perfume.

"Jemma..." he said weakly.

"What Spencer?" she giggled.

"You're just so..."

"I'm so what?" she laughed, rolling over to straddle him. She leaned forward and let her long rad hair fall down around their faces that were inches apart. She planted a quick kiss on his lips.

"B-beautiful." he stuttered.

She kised him again.

"And sweet."

And again.

"How do you do it?" Reid asked.

Jemma kissed him again. "Do what?"

"Your life is so miserable, but no one would ever know it. It's like none of it effects you." Reid said. "You must be hurting so much inside."

"But I'm not." Jemma said. "Those things can only hurt me if I let them and I won't."

"Not even Amelia's death?" Reid asked. "She was your best friend, that must hurt you a bit."

"Yeah, it does, but she wouldn't want it to. She'd tell me to smile, then she'd probably recite Invictus."

Reid laughed. "Invictus? Really?"

Jemma nodded. "It was our favourite."

Reid smiled. "Come here, you unconquerable soul." he said, pulling her down for another kiss, a longer, deeper kiss than they had ever shared.

They laid beneath the stars for awhile longer until Reid remembered that he should get back to town since the rest of the team was probably looking for him. He walked Jemma back to the house, kissed her goodbye then drove away.

Jemma closed and locked the door behind him, her heart fluttering. She went to bed, feeling as if she could fly. She wondered if this was what drugs felt like. She laid in her bed, but could not fall asleep. All she could think about was Reid, the first guy who had ever offered to take her away from Morrow Springs, the first and only guy she would be willing to leave Morrow Springs for.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading! Wow, this is a lot fluffier than I anticipated. Oh well, action is coming soon. Oh so soon. Prepare yourselves.**

**Anyway, please review. I hate to have to beg, but I've gotten very few on this story and I'd really like to know what my readers think. If there's something you don't like or something you want more of, write a review, I always take your opinions into consideration. I have anonymous reviews enabled too.**

**To The Truly Natural Things readers, my deepest sincerest apologies for sucking at updating. I'm just not feeling it right now. I've been trying to write chapter two for days now and nothing seems to feel right. It's just this one chapter I think. I really should have picked up somewhere else, but too late now.**

**Anyway, I'm off to make my snow day even more productive (yes that mean working on either chapter 5 of Gaze or chapter 2 of Things.) New episode of CM tonight! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds. Never have, never will. I do own my OCs and my plot though, so ye be warned!_

**I will show you fear in a handful of dust. - T.S. Eliot**

* * *

"So from what we got from the store manager, she only remembers selling liver to one guy on the night of the murder and he paid cash." Hotch said.

"Did we get a description?" Morgan asked.

"No, she can't remember what he looked like and they have no cameras." Hotch said. "She said he wasn't someone from around here though."

"It wasn't Willie Preston either." Reid added. "Jemma says that the proposal was nowhere near as serious as Sheriff Haggerty had told us and that he's married now and we profiled the unsub as a single white male."

"Then explain the murder four years ago." Prentiss said.

"Coincidence?" JJ suggested.

"Or a transient." Rossi said. "How many RVs have we seen since we came to Morrow Springs? He could be travelling coast to coast, murdering families for years and it just so happens he got two close together like this."

"Morgan, call Garcia and have her look up similar murders across the country, cross-referencing with the DNA found on Amelia Sawyer's body."

* * *

"Hey, handsome." Jemma greeted Spencer. "Just you today?"

She went to grab him a menu, but he stopped her and looked her dead in the eye. She knew immediately that something was wrong.

"Spencer, what's wrong?" she asked.

"We're leaving." he said. "We discovered that this guy has been travelling across the country, murdering families for years. We've predicted that he'll strike Oklahoma City next, so that's where we're headed."

Jemma was speechless. She should have never let her guard down. She knew he couldn't stay, why did she go and fall for him anyway?

"Jemma, I'm sorry." Spencer said. "I want to stay here with you, but-"

"No, it's OK, Spencer." she assured him. "I want you to catch this guy. Please, even if you don't intend to ever see me again, just promise me you'll catch him."

"I promise, Jemma." he said. "And I will come back for you, if that's what you want."

Jemma smiled faintly. "I'd like that very much, Spencer."

"I'll be back as soon as I can." he promised. "Call me whenever you want, alright?"

"OK." Jemma said and kissed him. It was definitely not the best kiss she could have given him, but she intended that. Maybe he would come back if he wanted a better one. He turned to walk away, but she stopped him. "Wait! Spencer, I don't have your number."

"Oh, it's uh... it's on your arm." he said, walking out the door.

Jemma looked down at her left wrist and saw ten digits written there in black ink. She smiled and went back to work.

* * *

It was dark when Jemma and Shawna closed the restaurant for the night. The sky which had been so clear and illuminated by the billions of stars the previous night was now shrouded by dark clouds. Jemma declined Shawna when she offered to drive her home and set off into the night.

The air was humid, reminding Jemma of how she felt in Spencer's arms. She sighed and continued on. Her footsteps were delicate, instead of the way people step heavily after a long day on their feet. Jemma walked lightly, graciously avoiding the cracks in the pavement as if she were afraid of breaking her dead mother's spine. The humid air turned to a light, warm sprinkle of rain, but she was grateful for the refreshing feeling of the water on her bare arms. The tiny drops mingles with the drops of sweat and trickled down, guided by the hairs of her forearm. Jemma cracked her knuckles just to hear it. She walked slowly, savouring the rain.

The light drops soon turned to a full out assault on Jemma's flesh. Thunder sounded off like a cannon somewhere in the distance and the sky illuminated with lightening for a fraction of a second. Jemma began to dance in rhythm with the thunder, lightening and rain. She laughed as she spun around, slashing through a puddle. When she opened her eyes after spinning, she found herself face to face with a pair of sinister looking eyes. There was a flash of lightening. Jemma blinked. The eyes were gone.

She felt terror take hold of her chest and took off running the rest of the way home. When she finally burst threw the door, panting, terrified and dripping wet, she locked the door and looked out the window to make sure no one was following her. The yard was clear, save for her father's truck, but Jemma knew she was safe from his drunken rage because he was passed out in front of the television. She checked on Lizzy who was asleep with both dogs on her bed, keeping guard.

Jemma sighed in relief. She must have just imagined the man following her. All the recent talk of serial killers had made her paranoid. She had nothing to worry about now though, Spencer had told her the killer had moved on to Oklahoma city. She grabbed some pyjamas from her bedroom and went to the shower.

When Jemma was finished in the shower, she brushed her teeth and tied her hair up. She checked her wrist to make sure Spencer's number had not washed off of her arm. It was still there, the numbers only faded slightly. When she exited the bathroom, a cloud of steam followed her. She sauntered down the hallway to the kitchen to get a glass of water before going to bed. She stopped dead in her tracks before she reached her destination though.

In the living room, her father and sister were tied to chairs and gagged with dirty socks. Standing above them wielding a long, rusty blade was the most terrifying man Jemma had ever seen. He was tall with a stocky build, wearing a black hooded sweatshirt and a pair of dirty jeans. Jemma could smell his repulsive scent from across the room; sweat, blood and liver and onions. His stubby beard was encrusted in filthy and blood. His yellow, green and black teeth formed a sinister sneer. His think, leathery skin told Jemma that he knew what he was doing, this was not the first time he had struck fear into a family like this. Jemma looked him in the eye. She had meant to show him she was unafraid, she would fight him and she would win, but his black eyes were not human. She stared at the monster and he stared back into her. From that moment on, she knew she would lose.

* * *

**A/N: Dun Dun Duuuuuuuuuun! Another infamous ceegeeayy cliffy!**

**This, my dear readers, is where it gets truly terrifying. OK, maybe it won't be as terrifying as what we're used to seeing on TV and reading in Stephen King's novels, but I hope I can create the feeling of fear as strong as it was in the dream that inspired this story.**

**I've also decided that I won't rate this story M because it's not that bad except for one particular scene which I plan to warn you of when it approaches.**

**Anyway, I'm going to be busy the next few days, trying to settle into my new class schedule and finish some stupid applications. I'll try to write whenever possible though, I promise. I'm just super stressed right now.**

**Also, I've decided that this summer I will write my very first fiction story. Not fanfiction, complete and total fiction. I've made several attempts in the past, but they were never followed through until the very end. However, a few of my teachers have been asking me when I plan to publish something and a couple even mentioned in reference letters to my university that they expect me to write a book one of these days. I never even thought that getting published was a possibility for me, but I guess I might as well give it a shot. I'm actually kind of excited about it.**

**Anyway, I must go do some math homework. Please don't forget to review!**


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer: I own nothing except my OCs._

**The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness. - Joseph Conrad**

* * *

Jemma tried to scream, but no sound would escape her lips. She froze in fear. She tried to fight her body to let herself fight the beast in front of her, but her body would not allow it.

"Come here, Sugar." the Beast growled.

Jemma reasoned that it was best to do what it said, but she was still paralysed. The Beast grabbed her arm and hauled her into the living room to face her family. Lizzy was sobbing and so was Mr. Cavanaugh. Jemma had not seen her father cry since the day his wife died. For an instant, she blamed him. It was his fault the monster had entered the house. If he hadn't been passed out drunk, he could have fought it off, could have protected his daughters. She realized though that her father, whose cowardice at the thought of losing his wife had driven him to alcoholism was obviously powerless against the Beast. Jemma would fight him though, she just needed time to think of how.

"Sugar," the Beast snarled. "Ask your daddy to let you marry me."

Jemma had not even noticed that she was shaking and in tears. She wondered if this was how Amelia had felt before she was killed.

"No! I don't want to marry you!" Jemma cried.

The Beast smacked her, hitting the bruise on her jaw bone.

"Ask him or I'll gut you like the pig you are, woman!" it barked, gripping her neck.

"Daddy, can I marry..." she trembled. "Can I marry..."

"Albert, my name's Albert."

"Daddy can I marry Albert?" Jemma was not sure how much of this her father would understand, he was certainly still drunk, no matter how sobering this situation could be. "I want to _live_ with Albert, Daddy. Please let me _live_ with him. You can _live_ with us, Daddy - and Lizzy too. Just say yes."

"No! Git yer hands off my daughter, you bastard!" Mr. Cavanaugh slurred.

"Please Daddy, please say yes!" Jemma begged.

"No! Jemma, I don't know what the fuck yer talkin' 'bout, but you ain't marryin' this creep!" Mr. Cavanaugh said. "I'd rather you marry that damn pipecleaner you brought home the other night!"

"Daddy, please just say yes!" Jemma sobbed.

"Say yes, old man!" the Beast snarled at Mr. Cavanaugh who actually appeared to be younger than the Beast.

"No! Never!" Mr. Cavanaugh protested. "You can't have my daughter, she's too good for you!"

The Beast plunged the blade into Mr. Cavanaugh's abdomen, spilling his guts onto the carpet. Lizzy screamed in terror, but no sound would escape Jemma's lips. The sound only rose to her heart, vibrating it and shattering it to pieces. His last words were not the "I love you" she had never heard, but it was the nicest thing he'd ever said to her. The bruise on her cheek and the hundreds of others that graced her skin prior seemed as if they never mattered now as Jemma watched her father's blood stain the carpet, trickling ever closer to her bare toes whose nails she had cheerfully painted purple only days before.

"Come on now, Sugar, untie our daughter and make us some supper." the Beast commanded, breathing his hot, garbage breath onto Jemma's neck. She thought she would vomit when he slid his rotten tongue inside her ear. All she wanted was for Spencer and the BAU to break down the door and come save her.

Trembling in fear, Jemma, eyes swelling with tears, she knelt down, the Beast's hand still gripping her neck and untied Lizzy. The little girl wrapped her arms around her sister's neck and continued to sob.

"It's alright, Lizzy, come on, let's go make supper." Jemma said calmly.

She picked Lizzy up, the Beast's hands still around her neck, and carried her to the kitchen. She put Lizzy down and told her to take a seat at the table. The Beast sat down as well.

"Come to Daddy." he said to Lizzy.

Jemma turned away, resisting the urge to claw that fucker's eyes out. She noticed on the kitchen counter was a grocery bag containing what would be her final meal – liver.

She removed it from the package and began to cook. She was actually thankful for the stench because it covered up the putrid scent of the Beast. As she cooked, she eyed the many knives available and considered taking her chances fighting the Beast. She stole a glance at him and saw that he had Lizzy in his lap. There would be no way to get past him without first harming her little sister.

Jemma pushed the idea out of her head and served the Beast. Lizzy was released from its grasp and sat beside Jemma. The sisters stared blankly at their plates while the Beast scarfed down the horrible smelling meat. They stole several glances at eachother. Jemma saw the fear in her sisters eyes and tried to assure her by faking calm in her own.

The Beast finished so Jemma stood up and cleared the table. "Why don't you go watch some TV while I put Lizzy to bed and do the dishes, alright honey?" she said.

The Beast grunted in reply and went to the living room. Jemma took Lizzy by the hand and lead her down to hallway to her bedroom.

"Jemma, I'm scared." Lizzy cried.

Jemma held her tight. "Don't be scared, Lizzy. I'm going to get us help, but I need you to do exactly as I say, OK?"

"OK." Lizzy nodded.

"I need you to hide and be as quiet as you can. Can you do that for me, Lizzy?"

Lizzy nodded.

"I need you to hide in the back of your closet and don't make a sound and don't come out no matter what." Jemma said. "If he finds you, don't fight him, just do what he says, OK?"

Lizzy nodded again.

"Alright. Thank you, Lizzy." Jemma hugged her and kissed the top of her head, letting a few tears fall down. "I love you, Lizzy."

"Love you too, Jemma."

Jemma lead her to the closet and made sure she was safely hidden behind a pile of clothes at the back. She closed the closet door and left the room. She crept quietly to the kitchen and turned on the tap. She listened to the Beast in the living room, grunting and mumbling obscenities at the news. When Jemma was positive that he was not listening, she picked up the receiver of the telephone and dialled 9-1-1.

There was no answer. There was no sound, not the dial tone, not a ring. The Beast must have cut the lines.

Jemma took a deep breath and tried not to panic. She looked around for another option. Her cell phone was sitting on the counter, but she could not get a signal here. The thunder outside boomed and she saw that the patio door was open a crack. If she could squeeze her lean figure through that door without it squeaking, she could get in her father's truck and go for help. She put on a sweater that was hanging off the back of a chair and shoved her cell phone in the pocket then slipped out the door and onto the deck. There was a pair of yellow flip flops there, the rain pounding down on their thin foam and plastic straps. She slid them onto her feet and rounded the corner.

The first thing she saw was a giant flare of orange. The truck was in flames. How could a fire even burn in the rain? Jemma was unsure, but she had no time to figure it out. She stepped closer and felt something furry and wet on her toes. Looking down, she discovered the bodies of her beloved German Shepherds.

"Hansel, Gretel!" she choked, falling to her knees.

She ran her fingers through their thick brown and black coats, her tears joining the mix of rain, mud and blood that they laid in. Her grieving was interrupted by a large, filthy hand on her shoulder.

"Whaddya think you're doin', Sugar?"

* * *

**A/N: Yet another infamous ceegeeayy cliffy! Some cruel part of me gets a kick out of leaving you hanging. The kind part of me apologizes for it. **

**Anyway, I had a rather bad today as I found out that people I know personally have found out about my stories and are reading them. I write under a pen name for a reason; I am terrified of the people I know reading this and mocking me. I know it's probably paranoid, OK, it's _definitely_ paranoid. I walked around all day feeling like people were judging me based on my stories here. The only thing that helped me get over it today was one of my favourite teachers praising my writing. So now I'm just going to ramble because I'm afraid to hit save and I'm afraid to publish and my best friend won't answer her phone. Yeah, I'm insane.**

**So, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I'm still not sure if _enjoy_ is the appropriate word, but I feel that saying "Did this chapter terrify you? Will you have nightmares? Was it gruesome? Cuz that's what I intended." is a monstrous. I wonder how Stephen King asks people what they think of his work. Anyway, I would just like to know what your reactions are to what I have written.**

**Please don't forget to review! I absolutely love any kind of feedback my readers send me! **


	7. Chapter 7

_Disclaimer: I do not own CM, just my OCs._

**In this very real world, good doesn't drive out evil. Evil doesn't drive out good. But the energetic displaces the passive. - William Bernbach**

* * *

Jemma stood up and punched the Beast as hard as she could in the nose. His hands flew up to his nose which Jemma assumed she had broken given the cracking sound she heard and the blood that now flowed from it. While his hands were preoccupied, Jemma kicked him between the legs and ran away as fast as she could.

Panting, she stopped at the clearing where he and Spencer had lain the night before. She looked over her shoulder and saw the Beast catching up. She slipped behind a wide tree and held her breath. She realized now that this was probably not the best direction to run in. The road was probably her best option, considering the possibility that a vehicle might pass and stop to help her. It was too late for that now though. The woods offered her infinite hiding places, but also offered those same hiding places to the Beast.

It stopped several yards away from Jemma and she held her breath. It sniffed the air like an animal.

"Where'd you go, Sugar?" it sneered.

The sound of Lizzy yelling, "Jemma? Jemma!" back at the house caught the Beast's ear and it abandoned its search and returned to its younger victim.

_Lizzy, I told you to stay in the house!_ Jemma thought, silent tears pouring from her eyes.

She could sit and grieve for her sister's fate which was still uncertain or she could go get help. She settled for the better of those options and took off running down the trail.

The thunder made Jemma jump every time it boomed and her heart stopped every time the lightening illuminated the woods. Through the torrential downpour, she continued to run. The water made her cheap flip flops slippery and several times she almost slipped right out of them. She was about a third of the way to her destination when her foot slid off the thin layer of yellow foam and she fell to the muddy ground, pain shooting up her bare leg. Her ankle was twisted, perhaps even sprained or broken.

She pulled herself up with a great deal of effort and attempted to continue running. The pain in her right foot was unbearably painful and sent her back down to the ground. Jemma screamed in frustration. She had to get up, had to keep moving, her life and Lizzy's depended on it. She crawled through the deep mud and pulled herself up with the help of a tree. She steadied herself on her left leg and limped on.

Her pace was now slow, tired and hopeless. She heard noises in the woods and heard the loud thunder, but none of it scared her now. If the Beast was following her, waiting to wear her down, she did not care. She was almost ready to welcome death. Lizzy was surely dead by now, what did she have to live for? Her mind presented an idea of what for an instant, but Jemma pushed the thought out of her head. She had said it herself, Supervisory Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid was not her knight in shining armour, he was an FBI who happened to be in Oklahoma City, probably charming some other unsuspecting waitress right now.

Jemma's gimped leg caught the exposed root of a tree and pulled her to the mud, her other leg twisting as she fell. She tried to stand up, but it was impossible. Even if she had her full strength, the pain in her feet would be too much. She kicked off the stupid, cheap flip flops and began to pull herself through the mud. Part of her hoped she would just drown in it, at least then the Beast would not have the satisfaction of killing her. She continued to pull her self down the trail though, getting closer and closer to her destination.

After what seemed like hours, Jemma saw a light through the rain. Like a light at the end of a tunnel, the single light she saw sparked a small flame on hope inside her chest. She dragged herself a little faster toward her aunt and uncle's house, the only house between hers and Morrow Springs.

She reached the door and used the knob to pull herself to her useless, damaged feet. It is locked. She knocked loudly and endlessly until her Uncle Rick, a stout, bald man answered the door in his housecoat.

"Help." Jemma wheezed, falling down again. She grabbed the hem of Rick's housecoat and stared up at him, pleading for refuge from this nightmare.

Jemma's Aunt Ellen, tall with hair as red as Jemma's came running to the door in her pyjamas.

"Jemma! What's happened?" she gasped, helping her niece stand up.

"Call 9-1-1." Jemma wheezed.

Rick rolled his eyes. "Not this shit again."

Ellen shot him a stern look, but Jemma did not notice. Her eyes were closed as Ellen laid her soaked, aching body on the sofa and covered her with a warm fleece blanket.

"Rick, she's hurt, we have to do something!" Ellen whispered to her husband in the kitchen.

Jemma was barely conscious, but she was hearing their conversation. It sounded more distant that it actually was, but she could hear it nonetheless.

"Ellen, I put my foot down a year ago!" Rick boomed. "I'm done getting involved in their family problems!"

"Their _our_ family!" Ellen insisted.

"No, they're _your _family. He's your brother, not mine."

Jemma realized that they thought her father had done this. She groaned, hoping they would hear her over their fighting, hoping she could make them understand that this was the work of the Beast, not her drunken father.

"Look at her, Rick!" Ellen shouted. "We have to do something!"

Rick sighed in defeat. "Fine, she can stay here tonight, but I'm not taking her to the hospital or calling the police."

Ellen came to Jemma's side moments later.

"Goodnight, Jemma." she said, running a hand through Jemma's wet, mud crusted hair.

"Ellen..." Jemma moaned. "He's got Lizzy..."

"Lizzy will be fine, Jemma," Ellen assured her. "She always is."

"Nooo..." Jemma groaned. "Dead... they're dead."

"Just try to get some sleep, Jemma." her aunt said. "Goodnight."

Ellen turned off the light and she and Rick returned to bed. Jemma fought to keep her eyes open. As much as she wanted to fall asleep on the warm, dry couch where the Beast could not get her, she knew she had to fight her drooping eyelids, she had to save her sister.

After what felt like an hour, Jemma finally worked up the strength to grab the cordless phone on the end table. She sat up and quickly dialled 9-1-1.

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?" the operator greeted her.

"Help me, he's killed my family." Jemma begged.

"Who's killed your family, ma'am?"

"I don't know. The same man who killed the Sawyers last weekend."

There was a dead silence for a moment.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," the operator finally said, "But we don't appreciate prank phone calls."

Jemma felt as though she had been stabbed in the heart. She could not breathe.

"But- but-" she stammered.

The operator disconnected.

Jemma rolled up her sleeve and dialled the number Spencer had written on her arm. It rang and rang until it went to his voicemail.

"Spencer..." Jemma cried. "Spencer, help me."

She gripped the edge of the sofa and thought about what she could do. Her aunt and uncle and the 9-1-1 operator had not believed her. Spencer was not answering his phone. She could take Ellen and Rick's car, but she doubted she could find the energy. Exhausted, she laid back down and closed her eyes, trying desperately to think of a plan.

Jemma's thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Her heart stopped. Who would be knocking at the door this time of night?

Rick got out of bed and went to answer the door. His scream and the thud of his body hitting the floor caused Ellen to run out of the bedroom. Jemma silently willed her aunt to return to her room, but it did not work. She tensed at the sound of her aunt's shrill, bloodcurdling scream. She heard the Beast's heavy footsteps approach. She tried to pull herself off the couch, but it was like lifting a ton of bricks. Her body began to shake as she sobbed violently.

The footsteps got closer and closer until they stopped.

"There you are, Sugar." Jemma heard the Beast growl.

She felt his thick, grimy hands slip under her body and lift her off the couch. She tried to wiggle out of its arms, but it held her there firmly. Jemma gave all the struggle that was left in her body and began to drift out of consciousness. The last thing she remembered were the Beast's sinister eyes staring hungrily at her.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading! I tried and tried to get this chapter to be as terrifying as possible, but this was the best I could do. Anyway, let me know what you think. I love to hear and feedback you have!**


	8. Chapter 8

_Disclaimer: I do not own CM, just my OCs._

**The heart is the chief feature of a functioning mind. - Frank Lloyd Wright**

* * *

Spencer Reid rubbed his eyes and stared at himself in the mirror of the hotel room bathroom. He looked tired, more so than usual, dark bags hanging beneath his brown eyes. He sighed and removed his tie and shirt, revealing his thin, bony chest. He undid his belt and place his gun and holster on the counter. He took off his pants and continued to look at his reflexion, wondering what Jemma even saw in him. He was scrawny, nothing at all like the guys girls were supposed to like, guys like Morgan.

He sighed and got in the shower. As the scalding water washed over him, he thought about the discussion the BAU had had regarding the unsub's profile.

They already knew that the unsub was a single white male, old enough to perfect his kills. The oldest related murder Garcia had found went back twenty years. That meant he was probably between forty and fifty years old, any older and he probably would not be physically capable of slaughtering entire families. He was set off by a rejection, probably a declined marriage proposal, probably in Tennessee because the earliest murders occurred there for about a year before he began to travel across the country.

Other than that, there was not much more they knew about the unsub except that he liked liver and onions. They each had their own speculations though. Reid believed that the unsub was a sociopath, he felt no remorse and enjoyed the pain and suffering he caused. Rossi argued the opposite, the unsub had been killing for twenty years because he had loved that one girl so much that he snapped and was no delusional. Morgan thought the unsub wanted to become famous, based on his body count, but Hotch disagreed with this. An unsub who craved media attention would leave a message for them, call newspapers or television stations, or call a tip line, he would make sure he was noticed. No, this unsub was just out of control. The only thing he had control of in his life were his kills, so killing became his life.

Reid recreated the crime in his head. Mr. and Mrs. Sawyer were killed first, then the oldest son. The unsub killed them because they would get in the way. He then proceeded to force Amelia to cook them supper, like a family dinner. Reid understood why the unsub would kill the parents to get to Amelia, but why keep the younger children alive? If the unsub had been triggered by a declined marriage proposal, why was he living out a family fantasy, typically that only happened when the unsub had lost their family, this guy was too young to have a family when he began killing.

Reid shuddered when he remembered the crime scene photos of Amelia Sawyer's body. She was stabbed repeatedly in the stomach, destroying many of her vital organs. He had trained his nearly perfect memory to forget crime scene photos after a few years on the job, but every detail of Amelia's dead body was burned into his memory, including the unnecessary cuts on her wrists. The unsub was clearly a sadist, he loved to watch his victims suffer.

Jemma's face popped into Reid's mind for a moment. He remembered how upset she had been when she discovered that her best friend had been raped. Jemma was suffering even if she refused to show it. He realized then just how much he missed her. Her coffee coloured eyes, her wild red hair, her perfect smile... He wanted to call her, but figured it would be best to call in the morning, before she went to work.

Reid stepped out of the shower and dried himself off with a towel. He wrapped the towel around his waist and sauntered to the bed where his go-bag lay open. His cell phone was on the bed beside the bag. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that he had a missed call and a new message. He picked the phone up and checked to see who had called, assuming it was Morgan or Hotch with an update on the case. He was surprised to see that it was Jemma. He smiled, elated that she had actually called. He flipped the phone open, eager to hear her call him "handsome" or "darlin'" in that adorable, twangy accent of hers. He did not expect to hear what he heard when he pressed the button to play the message.

"Spencer... Spencer, help me."

Reid felt himself stop breathing. He replayed the message, desperately and irrationally hoping that he had heard her wrong, that maybe he was dreaming this, anything but the terrifying reality that Jemma was in the hands of the unsub.

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**A/N: Yes, I know, extremely short. The intention was to create some suspense and make you guys sweat a bit. Did it work? Let me know!**

**Also, I got asked awhile ago if I was going to go into the profile of the unsub. So what Reid was thinking is all they have so far, but later on I might reveal the unsub's back story. **

**Anyway, let me know what you think of the story so far. Scary enough? Not enough? Have I got Reid's personality right? Anything you feel like telling me. Reviews are my crack and boy am I craving right now, so be kind and give me my fix? **


	9. Chapter 9

_Disclaimer: I do not own CM, just my OCs._

_Warning: Graphic chapter... if you don't think you can handle it, skip over the bad parts and read the last paragraph or two._

**It is better to be good than evil, but one achieves goodness at a terrific cost. - Stephen King**

* * *

Jemma could hear Lizzy crying before she even opened her eyes. She opened her eyes to make sure she was not having auditory hallucinations. Lizzy could not still be alive, surely -

_I'm dead._ Jemma thought. _I lost._

An exceedingly bright light burned Jemma's pupils.

"Jemma?" Lizzy sobbed.

Jemma blinked, but her vision was still blurry.

"Jemma?"

"Lizzy?"

"Jemma! You're alive!" Lizzy exclaimed.

Jemma shook her head wearily, too exhausted to look around for her sister. "No, Liz. We're dead. We're in Heaven now, Lizzy."

"Jemma." Lizzy sobbed again.

Why was Lizzy crying? They were dead, they were safe now. The Beast could not get them here. Lizzy should be happy, not sad. They could see their mother here. Jemma wondered why her mother was not there to greet her daughters. Did Heaven have some kind of waiting room?

Jemma closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was tired of the blinding light and she sank into the soft material of whatever it was she was laying on, a cloud perhaps?

Heavy footsteps echoing down the hallway silenced Lizzy's crying. Jemma knew that could only mean one thing – the Beast was here. But how? No way could it get here – unless they weren't really dead, the nightmare was still happening.

Jemma began to sob. She was still alive. More pain awaited her.

She could smell the Beast before it even entered the room. It smelled of death, decay and rotten meat. Vomit rose in her throat and Jemma began to cough and choke.

"Hello, Sugar." the Beast greeted her.

Jemma did not reply, she just cried harder. The stench got stronger until she felt the end of the bed sink under a large weight. It was on the bed.

Jemma cringed as its fat, grimy fingers crept up the inside of her leg. She screamed and tried to kick the Beast when it touched her through her shorts. She was powerless against the monster though, it just grabbed her leg and forced it back onto the bed. Jemma forced her legs shut, but the Beast pried them open.

Jemma finally stopped fighting when she felt the rusty blade slide lightly up her leg. She knew by the sting that she was cut and bleeding, probably infected already. What did it matter though? She would soon be dead.

"Don't fight it, Sugar." the Beast growled. "I know you want it."

"No!" Jemma cried. "No!"

"What did you say, bitch?" it spat.

"No! I don't want it!" Jemma spat in its hideous face.

The Beast stared back at her with its sinister black eyes.

"You'll want it, or I'll gut the girl!" it snarled.

Jemma began to sob. "Please don't make her watch." she begged. "I'll do anything!"

"Damn right you'll do anything!" the Beast laughed maniacally. "The girl stays. Let her watch what a whore her mother is."

"I'm not her mother!" Jemma screamed.

With a burst of adrenaline that the Beast did not anticipate, Jemma hit him across the face, sprang up and tried to climb off the bed. She was not fast enough though. The Beast caught her by the hem of her shorts, hauling her back down onto the bed and smashing her face against the footboard.

From where Jemma landed, she could see Lizzy in the corner of the room. Her legs were bound together with rope and her arms were tied behind her back. The poor child couldn't even cover her eyes or her ears.

The Beast flipped Jemma over and ripped her shorts off of her. She screamed as it forced its way into her.

The Beast was not pleased with Jemma's screams and her struggle. It punched her in the face as hard as it could then took off its sweater and shirt and used them to tie Jemma to the bed posts. It got off of her and went to Lizzy.

Jemma squeezed her eyes shut as Lizzy screamed. She opened them when her sister was once again silent. She saw where the Beast had cut out most of her little sister's stomach. She saw the blood and organs that had spilled onto the pink carpet. She felt as if the Beast's blade had entered her chest and ripped her heart in two.

She looked up at the Beast who had remounted her and was undoing its jeans. She looked it in the eye, not showing it the fear it wanted, just the immense grief and hopelessness what now overwhelmed her.

As Jemma sobbed, the Beast thrust its way into her body. With each thrust, it plunged its knife into her stomach, her chest, her arms.

This was not the way she had planned to lose her virginity. This was not right. She had vowed abstinence as soon as she was old enough to know what it meant. Of course, she only stuck to it for fear of ending up stuck in Morrow Springs, but that was besides the point. She had been beginning to think that she might have let Spencer take her virginity if he returned to her as promised. That was all over now though, she was dirty and unpure. Even if she survived this, which was highly unlikely now, who would want her after this filthy beast had had its way with her?

The Beast finished and got off of the bed quickly. Jemma coughed up some blood then closed her eyes and fell silent. The Beast cut her wrists with the rusty blade then kissed her forehead with its rotten, decaying mouth. Then it left the room, walking past the mess it had made, out the front door as if nothing had ever happened.

With a final deep breath, Jemma removed the purity ring from her finger and let it hit the floor. She had been defeated. The Beast had won. All the stories had been lies, good does not always conquer evil. The warm embrace of death was a great condolence though. Soon she would be with her family and her best friend. Jemma smiled as everything went black.

**People fear death even more than pain. It's strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess it is a friend. ****- Jim Morrison**

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**A/N: Not much to**** say now. Reviews?**


	10. Chapter 10

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, except my OCs of course._

**Every moment of light and dark is a miracle. -Walt Whitman**

* * *

"Hey kid," Morgan called to Reid over the sound of the helicopter, "Don't worry, we'll save her."

Reid just nodded. He did not actually believe Morgan. It had been about an hour since he had received Jemma's message. The probability that she was still alive... well, Reid didn't really want to think about it right now. He tapped his fingers on his knee nervously.

Not another word was spoken the rest of the flight. The helicopter landed in the field behind the Cavanaugh's barn and the BAU hopped out into the pouring rain in their Kevlar vests, guns raised.

The first thing the team saw was the burnt skeleton of the pick-up truck. On the ground beside it were the bodies of two German Shepherds, their coats matted with blood and mud.

Morgan burst through the door of the house first. The others followed when he shouted that it was clear. They all cringed a little when they saw the empty chairs in the living room and Mr. Cavanaugh's body sliced open on the floor. Reid felt his heart stop when he smelled liver in the kitchen. The rest of the team all exchanged looks then proceeded down the hallway, guns still raised.

The hallway may have been short, but to Reid it felt like miles. Morgan and Hotch entered the master bedroom first. Rossi tried to hold Reid back, but he broke past them. He ran straight to the bed where Jemma lay, half-naked, eyes closed, a gaping hole torn in her stomach.

Reid knelt beside the bed and took her hand to check for a pulse.

"Jemma..." he croaked when he felt the cuts on her wrist.

"Come on, Reid," Hotch said, placing a hand on the younger agent's shoulder. "You don't need to see her like this."

Reid shook his head, tears rolling down his face. "No, Hotch, there's a pulse."

Hotch reached down and felt Jemma's wrist to make sure Reid was not imagining it, even though the young genius was not prone to irrational thinking. Sure enough, he felt the faint murmur of a pulse.

"Get the medics!" he ordered.

Morgan, Rossi, Prentiss and JJ vacated the room and within seconds the paramedics entered and lifted Jemma's limp, blood-soaked body onto the stretched. Reid and Hotch followed them outside and got into the helicopter.

* * *

The team sat in silence at the hospital, waiting for news on Jemma. She had been in the OR for a couple hours now and they had not heard a thing. The team eyed Reid with worry and suspicion as he sat in the uncomfortable waiting room chair, tapping his fingers on his knee.

"Reid?" Hotch said.

The youngest agent looked up at him. "Yeah, Hotch?"

"I'd like to have a word with you." Hotch said, leading him down a hallway and around a corner.

"I know you know her chances of survival." Hotch said. "And I may not be a genius, but I know that the chances of someone surviving something like that are next to none."

Reid just stared at him, angry that he dared to speak the thoughts he had chosen to ignore.

"I also know how much faith you usually put in statistics and probability and I notice, we've all noticed that you're stressed and trying not to think logically about this." Hotch continued. "What's going on between you and this victim that could make you act like this?"

"She uh... Jemma... she told me that she likes me." Reid said, still in disbelief that a girl would ever like him.

"You know it's wrong to get involved with a victim, Reid."

It was not a question, but Reid nodded nervously.

"I'm going to look past that though." Hotch said. "You've been through a lot and I think you deserve this. Well, not _this_, but you know that I mean. I think you need something to distract you from this job before you turn out like me or Gideon."

Reid nodded.

"Excuse me," a nurse said, interrupting the men's conversation, "You're the agents who brought in Jemma Cavanaugh?"

"Yes, we are." Hotch said.

"She's out of the OR now," the nurse said, "But she's comatose and isn't breathing on her own yet. Her stabber managed to avoid all vital organs, but she lost quite a lot of blood. She's a fighter though, she should recover just fine."

"Thank you." Hotch said.

"May I... May I see her?" Reid asked.

"Well, I probably shouldn't let you," the nurse replied. "You're not family."

Hotch saw the dejected look on Reid's face and decided to help him out. "Jemma Cavanaugh's entire family was murdered tonight in front of her eyes. Don't you think she would want to see a familiar face when she wakes up?"

"I'm... I'm sorry," the nurse apologized, "I didn't know."

"Reid, stay with her and call us when she wakes up." Hotch ordered.

Reid nodded and walked in the direction the nurse pointed him. Relief washed over his body when he saw Jemma, hooked up to multiple tubes and bandaged nearly everywhere. At least she was alive. He sat in the chair beside her and took her hand in his.

"Hey Jemma," he said. "I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I wanted to tell you how happy I am that you're alive. You're so strong, Jem. I'm going to be right here when you wake up, Jemma. We're going to catch the sick bastard who did this to you, I promise. I promise I'll protect you this time. I'm so sorry I let this happen to you, Jemma, you didn't deserve this." He paused and took a moment to prevent himself from being overcome by his guilt. "I'm going to wait here until you wake up, Jemma. No hurry though, take as long as you need, I'm not leaving this room until you open your eyes."

The young genius fell asleep in the uncomfortable plastic chair, holding Jemma's hand, rubbing the soft skin of her wrist with his index finger, right below her bandages.

* * *

Reid awoke late the next morning when he felt Jemma's hand move in his.

"Jemma?" he said hopefully.

Jemma groaned in reply and sat up in the hospital bed. She opened her coffee brown eyes and looked around, confused. She began to scream at the top of her lungs when the fear set in.

"Jemma, Jemma!" Reid said, gripping her hand more tightly. "Jemma, it's OK, you're safe now."

A nurse and two orderlies rushed into the room. While the men held Jemma down, the nurse stuck a syringe in her arm and she instantly relaxed and fell asleep.

Reid had expected Jemma to be traumatized by what had happened to her, anyone would be, but he had not expected her to be _this _traumatized. He sighed and gave her hand a squeeze before stepping into the hallway, taking his cell phone from his pocket and dialling Hotch's number.

* * *

**A/N: My deepest, deepest apologies for keeping you all waiting so long. I meant to create a bit of suspense, but I had no intention of keeping you all waiting this long. Seems like I've had a lot to apologize for lately...**

**The last few days I have been so utterly exhausted that I was sleeping over twelve hours a day and trying to fit school and work and this story in there. Even with twelve hours of sleep a day, I was still too tired to function. I was in a great mood though, until today when shit hit the fan and I got into a... confrontation that turned into a conflict then turned into a fight and now I feel like shit. I honestly think the worst feeling in the world is when you are so sorry that it hurts and you apologize until your lungs give out, but the person you're apologizing to won't forgive you and they just get madder and madder. So now I have to continue this fight until there's finally a resolution for the sake of the project or just walk away from one of the greatest things in my life because I can't stand for people to be mad at me. Stress sucks.**

**And I'm not sure if anyone pays attention to the quotes in my chapters, but I'm going to apologize if anyone feels that this one has absolutely nothing to do with this chapter. I just really like it right now because of what I'm going through right now. **

**Anyway, enough of my whining. Hope you all enjoyed the chapter! Please don't forget to review! Reviews would really help turn this shitty week around for me.**


	11. Chapter 11

_Disclaimer: I own nothing except Jemma. Deal with it._

**One can find so many pains when the rain is falling. - John Steinbeck**_  
_

* * *

"Jemma?" Spencer said nervously as Jemma's eyes darted around the room.

It had been several hours since Jemma had awoken and freaked out. Whatever the nurse had given her had worn off and she now had her eyes open for several seconds and had yet to scream.

"Spencer?" she whispered in disbelief.

"Yes, it's me." Spencer said. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't feel anything." Jemma said, her voice sounding distant.

Spencer figured that one of the many tubes attached to Jemma's body must be administering a large dosage of painkillers. Too bad there was nothing to give her that would numb the emotional pain she would probably feel.

"Where's Lizzy?" Jemma asked Spencer, looking him in the eye.

"She... she's... she um..." Reid had to look away. How could he possibly tell her that her little sister whom she'd fought to protect was dead?

Someone entered the room and Spencer looked up to see who it was. Hotch stood beside him and with his typical serious expression told Jemma that her sister had not been saved. He made a point not to tell Jemma just how lucky she was that they had arrived when they did, he knew that as strong and optimistic as the young woman may be, she definitely would not feel lucky right now.

Instead of breaking down and crying, Jemma just stared blankly at the wall.

"Reid, we need to talk." Hotch said, motioning for him to follow him out o the room.

Spencer turned to Jemma. "Are... will you be OK if I leave?"

Jemma nodded, but continued to stare at the wall.

"I'll be right back." Spencer said before leaving the room.

The BAU was sitting in the waiting room. They all stood up when Hotch approached.

"How's she doing?" Morgan asked.

"She's a strong, resilient girl, but..." he glanced at Spencer, "She's more traumatized than we expected."

"What's going to happen to her?" Prentiss asked.

"That's not up to us." Hotch said, giving Spencer a stern look.

"She's just a kid though, Hotch." Rossi argued.

"She'll be twenty-one in October." Hotch corrected him.

"How is she supposed to cope with this on her own?" JJ demanded.

"Not to mention, the bastard that did this to her is still out there." Morgan reasoned.

"Well what do you suggest?" Hotch said angrily. "Our job is to find the unsub, not clean up the mess he left behind!"

The team heard a scream down the hallway. Knowing it was Jemma, Reid took off running to her room, JJ and Prentiss following.

"You know that's not true, Hotch." Morgan said.

Hotch sighed. "I know, but don't you think Reid's been through enough?"

"Yeah, but I don't get what you mean." Morgan said, confused.

"Go see for yourself." Hotch said, pointing Morgan to Jemma's room.

Morgan entered the room and saw Jemma on the bed, screaming her lungs out while a male nurse attempted to stick a needle in her arm. Reid tried to approach her and calm her, but she just screamed louder. The nurse was finally able to inject Jemma and she calmed down and drifted out of consciousness.

"What the hell was that?" Morgan asked.

"A severely traumatized rape victim." Prentiss said.

"We can't just leave her to cope with this alone." JJ insisted.

"Witness protection." Rossi said firmly.

"How good of a witness can she even be?" Hotch said.

"We can't just abandon her." Reid said. "It's our fault this even happened."

The team looked at one another. They had to admit that Reid was right, as much as they never liked to admit that something like this could be their fault, had they built a better profile, they would have known the unsub would have stuck around. The unsub enjoyed watching his victims suffer, he would have stuck around to watch the extent of the damage he had done, but when he saw how strong Jemma was, he decided he would break her.

"Maybe if _someone_ had been doing their job and not crossing FBI/witness boundaries, we could have had an accurate profile by now!" Hotch, who had previously been supportive of Reid pursuing his interest in Jemma yelled.

Reid looked hurt and Hotch stormed out into the hallway.

"Hotch!" Morgan called, running after him. "That was uncalled for!"

Hotch shook his head. "She's not going to be the girl Reid met in that diner. He's not going to be able to just pick up where he left off with her. He's going to get hurt and we're going to have to fix it _and_ still take care of Jemma and catch this unsub!"

"You know we've never had to fix Reid's problems before." Morgan said.

"Yeah and we all feel tremendously guilty for it and we've all sworn to ourselves that we won't let him go through something like that alone again."

Morgan sighed. "Reid will be fine. We need to help Jemma."

"Fine." Hotch said, bitterly defeated. "But she's not staying with Reid. You saw how she acts whenever a man gets near her. She'll stay with Prentiss."

* * *

"Hey there, handsome." Jemma said, opening her eyes. "What are you doing way over there?"

Reid looked up from the book he was reading on the other side of the room. "I uh... I just thought you'd like some space."

"Why?" Jemma asked, puzzled. "Wait, what time is it?" she glanced at the clock and realized she had hours missing from her memory. "Spencer, what happened?"

Reid swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "You um... you had a bit of a uh... a panic attack."

"I what?" Jemma said, tears welling in her eyes.

"It's just trauma." Reid said, attempting to be reassuring. "You'll get past it with a bit of therapy. It's common in rape vic-"

Jemma broke down in tears. Despite the overwhelming urge to comfort her (even though he was not really sure how to do so), Reid stayed in his chair. He had experienced twice now the hysteria that Jemma was capable of which seemed to be triggered mostly by male presences.

"Spencer..." she sobbed. "Spencer please come here."

"Are... are you sure?" he asked timidly.

"Please?" she begged tearfully.

Reid got out of the chair and moved slowly and cautiously toward Jemma. It was not until he was standing at the foot of the bed that Jemma realized she did not want him near. She wanted to be comforted, but she did not want him, or anyone else for that matter to touch her. Her body tensed and Reid saw that she was scared. He stopped where he was and waited uncertainly for her to tell him what to do. Jemma fought the urge to scream, but continued to cry.

"Jemma..." Reid began, but realized he had no clue what he could possibly say to make her feel any better. He stuck his hands in his pockets then discovered something he had completely forgotten. "Here, Jemma, I found this on the floor back at your house, I think you dropped it." he said, holding her ring out for her.

Jemma just cried harder.

"Jemma, what's wrong?" Reid asked. He immediately kicked himself mentally. What a stupid thing to ask. _What was wrong?_She had just watched her entire family be murdered then was raped. Of course she would be upset at the sight of her purity ring. "I'm sorry, Jemma." he apologized. "I'm so sorry... for everything. I should have stayed to protect you. I should have answered the phone when you called. I should have gotten there sooner."

Jemma stifled her tears. "What have I told you about apologizing for things you can't control?"

"Sorry."

Jemma forced a smile.

Reid sighed in relief. "You have no idea how happy I am to see that you're alright."

Jemma was not alright. Sure she was alive, but she wished she was not. She decided to pretend to be alright for Spencer's sake though. There was no need for anyone else to be hurt by this.

"So, you caught him, right?" Jemma asked.

"Well, no, not exactly." Reid said. "No, we didn't."

Jemma would not allow herself to show him the fear and sadness she felt.

"You will though, right?"

Reid nodded. It was bad enough that he had lied to her in the first place. If he did not actually say anything, it was not actually lying, was it?

"Spencer... I don't have to go back to that house, do I?" Jemma whimpered.

"No, of course not, Jem." Reid replied. "We're going to protect you."

"How?" Jemma asked. "He's still out there."

"You're going to come back to Virginia with us and stay with Emily." Reid answered. "If that's alright with you, of course."

Jemma shook her head. "No, it's not OK."

"Jemma, you really don't have anywhere else to go."

"I want to stay with you." Jemma said. "If the offer still stands, of course."

Reid could not help but feel a little excited. A beautiful woman living with him? He had to be dreaming. This could not be real.

"I just don't feel as comfortable with your co-workers as I do with you." Jemma explained.

Of course it was too good to be true. She was a victim he had to protect after all. This was not like having a girlfriend move in. This was witness protection.

"I understand." Reid said, hiding the hurt he felt. "I'll just have to make sure it's alright with Hotch."

* * *

"She wants to stay with _you_?" Hotch said.

Reid looked hurt.

"I mean, why would she want to stay with you after what she's been through?" Hotch tried to remedy the situation. "Don't you think she'd be more comfortable with Prentiss."

Reid shrugged. "I thought she would be, but she says she only wants to stay with me." He sighed. "It's not that long anyway. Her brother will be home from Iraq soon."

Hotch sighed and caved in to Reid's request. "Fine, you stay with Jemma until she's discharged. We'll see you back at Quantico."

* * *

**A/N: Yay! I finally updated! Sorry it's taken so long. I only just realized how long it's been. Time seems to really fly when you've basically done nothing but sleep for a week. I probably should go to the doctor, but I think I'll just wait it out. **

**Anyway, thank you to everyone who has been reading and supporting this story. I love you all. You have no idea how happy it makes me to see reviews.**

**Also, last night's episode? Holy bajeezus! Oh, am I the only person who just wants to punch Seaver in the face all the time? Like seriously, is she playing dumb to get Spencer's attention? I don't think he understands flirting well enough to see what (I think) she's doing. Ugh... frustration. Suspect Behaviour went pretty well though. I'm excited to see where it goes.**

**Please don't forget to review! Also, wish me luck, I'm going to a business competition tomorrow. I placed in the top 8 last year, but if I make it to the top 3, I can get some sweet cash money.**

**Au revoir!**


	12. Chapter 12

__

_Disclaimer: As always, I do not own Criminal Minds, just my OCs._

**Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself, the most comforting words of all; this, too, shall pass. - Ann Landers**

* * *

"Spencer, please, I can walk on my own!" Jemma insisted as she hobbled through the door of his apartment on her new set of crutches, pushing Reid away. "You're lucky I'm even using these damn crutches, which by the way aren't even big enough for me and will probably do more harm than good!"

Reid sighed and let Jemma limp ahead of him, into his small, tidy apartment. He had to admit, he had been lucky that Jemma had agreed to use crutches. The doctors had originally wanted her to use a wheelchair, but she had refused, arguing that her legs were not broken, merely sprained.

Jemma was trying her hardest to be strong, but it was clear to Reid, as much as he would like to deny it, that she was suffering more than just the physical pain of the nightmare she had lived through. She flinched at sudden movements and words that reminded her of the horror. In her sleep her emotions were free to come out and it pained Reid to see her in such pain.

Spencer set Jemma's small bag of belongings on the floor and waited for her to slip her shoes off before leading her to the couch.

"Um... stay here while I clean up, alright?" Reid said.

Jemma nodded and Reid disappeared down a dark hallway. Sitting in the dimly lit living room reminded Jemma of how her father had been murdered. She stared blankly at the wall until Spencer returned.

"The bedroom's all ready for you." he said.

"_The_ bedroom?" Jemma repeated. "As in, you're giving up your bed for me?"

Reid nodded.

"Spencer, you don't have to do that."

"You're in enough pain as it is," Reid said. "My couch isn't the most comfortable to sleep on."

"I feel like I'm intruding." Jemma sighed.

"Don't worry about it, Jem." Reid said. "Just get some rest. I'll be right out here if you need anything."

Jemma nodded, grabbed her crutches and made her way to the bedroom. She struggled to change out of her clothes and into her pyjamas. Her many bandages made her clothes tight and uncomfortable. Exhausted, Jemma collapsed on the bed. She wanted to sleep, but she knew that in her dreams, the Beast would return and she would have to relive the horror. Jemma grabbed a book off of Spencer's nightstand, Dante's _Inferno _and began to read. Despite her best efforts though, she did eventually fall asleep.

* * *

Spencer tossed and turned on the couch for what felt like hours. He was exhausted from sleeping in plastic chairs and the flight home (after so many years of the BAU jet, a commercial flight just could not compare), but his couch, although nearly brand new was terribly uncomfortable in comparison to his bed. After trying to read then figure out several complex math equations in his head, Spencer still could not fall asleep so he turned on his television (which he rarely used) and found a Star Trek marathon.

A couple episodes in, Spencer heard a strange noise. Since he had the entire series committed to memory, he knew that the noise had not come from the television. He got up and went to the bedroom to check on Jemma.

Jemma was crying in her sleep, screaming for help. Spencer sighed. He knew from experience that if he woke, it would only make things worse. Physical contact only upset Jemma more. He leaned on the door frame, watching to make sure Jemma did not hurt herself.

* * *

When Jemma awoke the next morning, she forgot for a moment where she was. Her heart filled with panic until she noticed Spencer sitting on the floor, snoring lightly with his head rested against the door frame. She got out of bed and approached him cautiously. Kneeling on the hardwood floor beside Spencer's sleeping body, she got as close as she could to him before her muscles began to tense up. Jemma wanted to push the boundaries of her new fear of contact as far as she could, so she extended her hand and tucked a strand of Reid's long brown hair behind his ear.

"Have you been here all night, darlin'?" she asked as he opened his eyes.

"Huh? Oh, not all night." he replied, looking directly into her eyes for the first time since that fateful night back in Morrow Springs. They were still just as beautiful, but now they held a tremendous amount of hurt instead of innocence.

"So why were you watching me sleep?" Jemma asked.

"You were crying. I wanted to make sure you didn't hurt yourself." Spencer replied.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

Spencer wished that he could have. It's not like he enjoyed watching Jemma suffer. "You know what happens when I try to touch you, Jem." he said.

Jemma looked away from him and stood up. She walked to the window where she stared out at the city. Spencer stood up and followed. Jemma looked so beautiful in the morning light. Her hair matched with the orange, red and pink of the sunrise. Spencer wanted mare than anything to put his arms around her now fragile and battered body, but knew it would not go over well. He stood as close as he could and stared at Jemma.

"Are you going back to work today?" Jemma asked, continuing to stare out the window.

"Yeah," Spencer replied. "But not if you don't want me to."

Jemma was silent for a moment before responding, "No, I'll be fine here. Your team probably misses you."

"Alright." Spencer sighed. "They uh... they want to interview you as soon as you're feeling up to it."

"I don't think I'll ever be able to talk about it." Jemma said solemnly.

Spencer was not sure what to say to this, but he supposed it was probably true. He sighed and left Jemma at the window to shower and get ready for work.

"You've got my cell number if you need anything." he said to Jemma when he was ready to leave.

Jemma was still standing like a statue at the window in Spencer's bedroom. She turned to look at him and nodded with fear in her eyes.

"I don't have to go if you don't want me to." Spencer told her once again.

"Go. I'll be fine." Jemma said quietly.

"Alright. Make sure to lock the door behind me, alright?"

Jemma nodded and followed him to the door. After locking the door, she returned to the bedroom, closed the curtains and sat on the bed, knees drawn up under her chin, staring out the bedroom door, straight down the hallway at the door to the apartment.

* * *

"Hey kid, how's Jemma doing?" Morgan asked Reid as soon as he entered the BAU bullpen.

Spencer sighed and shook his head. "No better than before." he replied.

"What are the chances of us getting her to talk about it anytime soon?" Morgan pressed.

"You're horrible!" Prentiss exclaimed. "After what she's been through, all you want is for her to relive it?"

"Yeah because I want to catch this sick fucker!" Morgan snapped.

"She's not ready to talk about it." Spencer said, sitting down at his desk. "I'm going to try to get her to go to therapy, but I doubt it will help her much. She's still having violent nightmares."

"Has Garcia found anything new?" Prentiss asked Morgan.

"Yeah, another family killed the exact same way just outside of Nashville two days ago." Morgan replied.

"He's changed his route." Spencer said. "He's coming after Jemma."

"How could he possibly know she's in Virginia?" Prentiss asked.

"I have no idea." Morgan said. "As far as we know, Jemma's the only survivor since he began killing."

"We need to get her to talk." Prentiss said, looking at Reid.

"How am I supposed to get her to talk?" Spencer demanded. "I can't even get within two feet of her without her freaking out!"

"I dunno, kid, but you're going to have to figure something out," Morgan said. "Her life depends on it."

* * *

When Jemma finally realized that no one was going to come through the door and kill her, she got off of the bed and looked around the apartment for something to do. There had to be close to a thousand books scattered throughout the apartment, but none of them were of much interest to Jemma. There was nothing on the television except talk shows and there was not even enough food in the refrigerator for Jemma to make herself breakfast. Without many other options, Jemma decided to take a bath.

She rolled her eyes when she entered the bathroom. Of course a tiny apartment like this would have a shower instead of a bathtub. She took off her pyjamas then realized she would have to remove all her bandages then re-dress her wounds when she was finished. If she was not so worried about what Spencer thought of her, she would have skipped the shower.

Once Jemma managed to remove all her bandages, she stepped into the shower and turned on the water. It felt good on her skin, but without being able to hear what was going on in the rest of the apartment, Jemma was slightly on edge. She took a deep breath and decided to get this over with as quickly as possible. She reached for the shampoo then realized that it was mens' shampoo. Apparently Spencer never had a woman in his shower before.

The faint scent coming from the open shampoo bottle made Jemma think of Spencer and how much she missed him. Tears came to her eyes at the thought of him. Not only did she miss him, but she wanted the feeling of security that he gave her when he was around. She felt so vulnerable in the small apartment. She felt as if someone were watching her since Spencer had left.

Jemma's legs began to pain from standing so long so she sat on the floor of the shower.

_I am so pathetic! _She thought. _Why couldn't that bastard have just killed me? I don't want to live like this. I don't want to be some broken shell of a person. I'm completely useless. Spencer doesn't want me anymore, I'm a burden on him, he has to take care of me like I'm a child. He'll never want to have sex with me, I'm a rape victim, I'm filthy. I might as well be dead. What do I even have to live for now?_

* * *

It was almost two o'clock in the afternoon when Spencer turned his key in the apartment door. After realizing that the unsub was probably on his way to Virginia, he had tried to call Jemma to make sure she was alright. Despite Hotch and Rossi's warnings that telling Jemma might make the situation worse, Spencer felt he had to tell her. He had kept a secret from her before and it had not resulted well. He did not want to hear her tell him that she hated him ever again. After he was unable to get an answer, he decided to skip work for the rest of the day. Jemma was probably bored and lonely anyway.

"Jemma?" he called, stepping through the door.

No answer. Spencer tried to push back the fears inside his mind.

"Jemma, where are you?" he tried again, stepping cautiously down the hallway, gun raised.

He sighed when he heard the familiar sound of the shower running. His relief was short lived when he realized that Jemma was crying. Quickly, Spencer debated whether or not it was a good idea for him to go into the bathroom, but Jemma sounded hurt. He put his gun back in its holster and opened the door.

Spencer found Jemma sitting on the floor of the shower, knees tucked up under her chin, sobbing with the water still running. He grabbed a towel and walked towards her, hoping she would not freak out when he got too close. He opened the shower door and turned off the water then reached a hand out for Jemma.

Jemma looked up at Spencer with her big, sad eyes and took his hand. He helped her up then wrapped the towel around her. She was shaking and he was not sure if it was because she was cold or still sobbing. He pulled her close to him and rubbed her back soothingly.

"Shhh... Jemma, it's OK." he said. "You're alright."

"No I'm not." Jemma choked. "I'm not alright. I wish he'd killed me."

"No, don't say that, Jemma," Spencer begged. "Please don't say that."

"Shoot me, Spencer, please!" Jemma cried.

"No, I'm not going to shoot you, Jemma! Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be alive?"

Jemma broke free of Spencer's grasp. "_Lucky_? You think I'm _lucky _to have to live like some kind of fragile, broken person? You think I'm _lucky_ to have to relive that nightmare every time I close my eyes? You don't know what it's like to live through that hell!"

Clutching the towel around her dripping wet body, Jemma stormed out of the bathroom. Spencer sighed and followed her to his bedroom where she was sitting on the bed, crying even harder.

"Y-you're wrong." he said. "I do know."

Jemma stopped crying and wiped her eyes with the towel. "Y-you do?"

Spencer sat down on the bed beside her and nodded. "A few years ago, I was kidnapped and tortured by an unsub with multiple personalities. One of his personalities, the real him actually, gave me dilaudid to cope with the pain. I got hooked on it. I still have nightmares sometimes."

"I'm sorry, Spencer." Jemma sobbed. "I didn't mean to be so selfish."

"It's alright, you didn't know."

"I'm scared, Spencer. I'm scared that I'm going to be this weak, broken, pathetic person for the rest of my life."

"You won't be." Spencer told her. "The Jemma I know is strong and smart and beautiful and amazing. You're going to get through this, I know you are. I promise I'll do whatever I can to help you, Jem."

"Thank you." Jemma said tearfully.

They held eachother in silence for awhile until Jemma began to nervously pull away.

"Spencer, can you leave the room?" she asked.

"Why? What's wrong?" he asked.

"I'm uh... I just realized that I'm naked under this towel." Jemma blushed.

Spencer's cheeks turned bright red. "Oh, yeah sure. I'll just be in my office if you need me, alright?"

Jemma nodded. She waited until he left the room and closed the door before she got off the bed and went to her duffel bag that sat open on the floor by the closet. She picked out some clothes, a pair of faded blue jeans and a purple tank top and put them on after she re-dressed her wounds. She left the bedroom and crept quietly down the hallway and opened the door to Spencer's office. He immediately turned around in his chair, hiding the computer screen.

"Hey," he said. "Feeling any better?"

Jemma nodded. "Yeah. Mind if I watch you work?"

Spencer bit his lip. "I'm uh... I'm working on your case right now, Jemma, I don't think you want to see that."

"I won't look at that." Jemma said. "I'll just watch you. I... I don't want to be alone. I... I... nevermind."

"No, what were you going to say?" Spencer asked.

"No, you'll think I'm crazy." Jemma said shyly.

Spencer laughed a little. "Jemma, I catch serial killers for a living and you think I'll think _you're_ crazy?"

"I feel like I'm being watched."

"That's normal for someone who's been through what you have, Jemma." Spencer assured her. "But if it makes you feel better, you can stay."

Jemma sat on the small couch that was crammed into the office and Spencer returned to his work. After awhile Jemma began to notice the hunger pains in her stomach,

"Spencer?"

"Hm?"

"I uh... I haven't had anything to eat since we left Oklahoma." Jemma said.

"Oh! I completely forgot." Spencer said. "I don't think there's any food here, I don't really cook much. Do you want Chinese food? I can order in."

"Sure." Jemma agreed.

About half an hour later they were sitting on the living room floor, laughing as Spencer tried to show Jemma how to use her chopsticks, even though he was terrible at it himself. In the end, they both resorted to using forks, but Spencer was just glad to finally see Jemma smile.

"I'll take you shopping tomorrow." Spencer said. "I feel bad that I left you alone here without food or anything. This is why I can't have pets."

"No, don't worry about it." Jemma insisted. "It's only a couple more weeks until Joey gets home from Iraq. You'll have caught this bastard by then, right?"

"Jemma, there's... there's something I have to tell you." Spencer said. "I don't want to, but I don't like hiding anything from you."

"What is it, Spencer?"

"The unsub, he travels from coast to coast killing families the same way he killed yours." Spencer explained. "Well, it seems like he's changed his route. He's turned around. It looks like he's coming to Virginia. We... we think he's after you. No one's ever survived him before."

Fear washed over Jemma's face. "Y-you'll catch him though, won't you? You'll protect me?"

"We'll try our best, but Jemma, he's been killing for about two decades now and hasn't been caught."

"I... I think I'm going to go to bed now." Jemma said, standing up.

"Jemma, I-"

"No, Spencer. I just need to be alone right now." Jemma said, walking away.

After several hours contemplating the possibility that the Beast could return for her at any moment, Jemma's eyelids grew heavy and she drifted off into a fitful, terrifying sleep.

* * *

Spencer awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of Jemma crying. He wearily got off the couch and dragged himself to the bedroom.

"Spencer!" he heard her cry. "Spencer, help me!"

Every time he heard her cry those words, he was filled with guilt. Had she called out for him to save her while she was running from the unsub? Had she begged for him to kill the bastard as he was raping her? He should have been there. He should have been able to protect her, but he had failed her.

Spencer opened the door to the bedroom, but instead of finding Jemma in the middle of a violent nightmare, he saw that she was sitting up, fully awake, sobbing into a pillow.

"Spencer," she cried. "Spencer, please help me."

He did as she said, but was still afraid she might have a fit when he got to close. Instead, Jemma curled up to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Jemma, I... I don't know what to do." Spencer said helplessly.

"Just hold me, please?" Jemma begged through her sobs.

Spencer wrapped his arms tightly around her, rubbing her back as she cried.

"Don't let me go." Jemma pleaded. "I'm scared."

"Don't worry, I won't let go." Spencer agreed.

He held onto her until she stopped crying and laid down with her still in his arms as she began to fall back to sleep. He held her through the rest of the night, refusing to let go. He had failed her once and he refused to fail her again.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoyed it.**

**Also, thank you all for the good luck on my business competition on Friday. My team won first place! That's $2,500! I'm so happy! I can't belive we won!**

**Anyway, don't forget to review! And thank you all for the love and support throughout this and my other stories! You guys are the best!**


	13. Chapter 13

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_Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not a damn thing. Except Jemma of course._

**Men, we don't need you to be a knight in shining armor. We just need you to be a little bit brave, just a little bit. - Virginia Madsen**

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* * *

_

"Well good morning, Princess." Morgan greeted Jemma as she limped into the BAU bullpen on her crutches.

"For the last time, Agent Morgan, I am not a princess!" Jemma snarled.

"Hey, hey, simmer down, Princess." Morgan laughed.

Jemma sighed and rolled her eyes before being wrapped in a surprise embrace. Her body stiffened and she was struck with panic. Who was this stranger with their arms around her. A helpless noise escaped Jemma's lips and she was released by a blonde woman who was wearing a bright pink and green dress.

"Oh no, I'm sorry, I forgot." the woman stammered. "I'm sorry, I was just so glad to finally meet you, Jemma. Reid's told me so much about you and-"

Spencer cleared his throat and the woman ceased her hyper ranting.

"Sorry." she said. "I'm Penelope Garcia, technical analyst, but you may call me Almighty Goddess of the Information Super-Highway."

"Nice to meet you, Agent Garcia." Jemma said, retreating back to Spencer's side, still a bit shaken by the unexpected physical contact.

Garcia laughed. "Oh honey, I'm not an agent, just call me Penelope, or Garcia, or wonderful."

Jemma smiled, but stepped back, closer to Spencer without even realizing what she was doing. Today was the first time she had really been in public since the incident and Jemma was discovering that she was more effected by the traumatic event than she would like to admit. At the mall, she was jumpy and nervous, constantly scanning the crowds around her for suspicious faces. When people got too close, Jemma would tense up and grind her teeth. Spencer had kept a protective watch over her, but he did not get close except for when Jemma saw a child who must have reminded her of her sister and had reached for Spencer's hand.

Now they were at the BAU, preparing for Jemma's interview with Prentiss and Rossi. After what he had seen of Jemma's behaviour at the mall, Spencer was not sure Jemma was ready for this, but he knew there was no point in protesting, Jemma was stubborn and they were trying to catch the unsub before he got any closer to Jemma again. Catching the man who had destroyed Jemma's life was Spencer's number one priority, but he watched the interview, ready to step in whenever Jemma needed him.

"So you walked home from work that night?" Rossi asked Jemma.

Jemma nodded.

"Did you see any suspicious vehicles while you were walking?" Prentiss asked.

Jemma shook her head. "No. There was- Oh, nevermind, it was nothing."

"No, what was it?" Prentiss urged.

"I was just seeing things." Jemma replied. "I was tired and there was a thunderstorm."

"Jemma, anything you tell us can only help, even if it was nothing, it's worth a try." Rossi explained.

Jemma sighed. "I saw eyes. It was in a flash of lightning then they were gone. Why does that matter though? I could easily ID him if I saw him."

"It tells us he was travelling by foot." Rossi said.

"Which means he has an RV that he's leaving then walking to his victims' homes, not a trailer hitched to a vehicle." Prentiss added.

"There's a campground in Morrow Springs. If you go past the cemetery a couple miles, you can't miss it. They... they have walking trails that go all through the mountains. The trails connect to both mine and Amelia's houses. We used to sneak out at night and meet up on them." Jemma elaborated, beginning to cry.

Rossi and Prentiss exchanged a look. Neither wanted to continue the interview if it would hurt Jemma, but time was of the essence.

"Jemma... what happened after you got home?" Prentiss continued after a nod from Rossi.

Jemma wiped her eyes and took a deep breathe before replying. "I got in the shower. When I got out, I went to get a glass of water before going to bed, but I found Dad and Lizzy tied up in the living room. The... you guys call him the unsub I guess... he grabbed me. He had a knife. He... he made me ask Daddy if he could marry me. Daddy was drunk, he didn't understand, if he'd just said yes..." Jemma broke down in tears.

Spencer stepped into the room and went to Jemma.

"Come on," he said, putting a hand on her back. "You don't have to do this until you're ready, Jem."

Jemma shook her head, her coffee brown eyes wet with tears. "No, I have to do this."

Spencer shot Rossi and Prentiss a resentful look and left the room.

"This might actually be good for her." Hotch said to Spencer as he resumed his post at the window.

"How Hotch?" Spencer asked. "Reliving that experience will only hurt her more."

"It could help her cope, being able to finally talk about it to someone." Hotch said.

"She trusts _me_ though, not anyone else. Have you seen the way she clings to me? She doesn't even realize she's doing it."

"Do you really think she'll want to tell a man about being raped?" Hotch asked. "Do you want to hear how he stabbed her as he climaxed? Do you want to hear about how he slit her wrists for her before he left?"

Spencer was shaking, close to tears. Of course he did not want to hear those things, but he wanted Jemma to trust him. He knew it was selfish, but he enjoyed the way that she looked to him for protection now. She never talked to him about the incident though and he was not sure he would be able to repair her after this interview.

"Aaron!" Rossi yelled, leaving the interrogation room. "Leave him alone."

Hotch shook his head and left the room angrily.

"What was that about?" Reid asked Rossi. "And why aren't you with Emily?"

"Your girlfriend asked me to leave once we go to the part about the rape." Dave said.

"She's not my girlfriend." Reid corrected him.

"Sure she's not, kid." Dave laughed. "Don't worry about Hotch. He's just afraid that Jemma won't get past this and you'll get hurt in the process."

"Why would he think that?" Spencer asked.

Dave rolled his eyes. The young genius's social retardation drove him to the point of insanity sometimes. "Even if Jemma gets past this, you won't be able to just pick up where you left off with her. She'll be a different person from the girl you fell for."

"Wh-who said I fell for her?" Spencer asked, his cheeks turning a bright shade of red.

"Well, the fact that you're so flustered that you've forgotten profilers don't need a verbal confirmation of something is a major clue." Dave said sarcastically.

Spencer sighed and leaned against the window, returning his attention to Jemma.

"Reid, are you sure you want to hear this?" Dave warned him.

Spencer ignored him and listened in on the interview.

"Then he tied me to the bed and he got off me." Jemma choked through her sobs. "He stabbed Lizzy right in front of me. He got back on me then he... he entered me. He just kept stabbing me and stabbing me. When he was done, he got off, kissed me, then slit my wrists. Why couldn't I have just died? Why did you guys have to find me?"

* * *

Jemma leaned against the door frame, watching Spencer work in his office. After being interviewed, they had returned to Spencer's apartment where she retreated to the bedroom and he to his office. After spending several hours crying then several hours of reading to keep her mind off of why she had been crying, Jemma decided it was time she went to sleep.

The only problem with that idea was that the memories would return if she went to sleep. Vulnerable and needing an escape, she decided she would talk to Spencer. Surely talking to him would make her feel happy like it had before the nightmare had begun.

"Hey." she said, causing Spencer to break his concentration.

"Oh, hey." he greated her.

"It's getting late," Jemma said. "I just came to say goodnight."

Spencer had been so absorbed in his work that he did not even realize what time it was. "Oh, uh... goodnight then."

Jemma pouted, a bit disappointed with the results of her venture. She hovered by the door, waiting for Spencer to say something, but he returned to his work and did not notice she was still standing there. Jemma considered going to bed, but she knew that if she did she would break down from the terrible loneliness she felt, so she walked across the room and put a hand on Spencer's shoulder.

"I thought you were going to bed, Jem." he said, turning his chair around so he was facing her.

Jemma shrugged and stood as close as she could to Spencer. "I want to sleep, but if I do, he'll come back." she said timidly.

Spencer looked up at her. He did not know what to do. Her body, his body, they were both telling him what he wanted to do, what she wanted him to do, but he knew it was wrong. It was wrong for him to take advantage of her fear and her trust like that. How could he possibly comfort her without touching her though?

"Will you help keep me distracted?" Jemma pouted.

"Jemma." Spencer groaned, his voice a mixture of pleasure and protest as Jemma ran her fingers through his hair. "Jemma, please don't. This isn't right."

"I'm sorry." Jemma said, pulling her hand back and stepping away from Spencer.

She left the room and went to bed, silently sobbing until she fell asleep.

* * *

Spencer awoke for the third night in a row to Jemma's screams. The count would have been much higher had he counted the nights by her bedside in the hospital as actual sleep. Spencer sighed and went to the bedroom. Instead of hovering by the door, he went to the bed and laid down, taking Jemma in his arms.

"Spencer," she sobbed. "When will it stop?"

He shook his head. "I don't know, Jem."

"I'm tired of it, Spencer. Isn't it bad enough that I had to live through it once?" Jemma complained.

Spencer sighed. "I know, Jemma, but you'll get past this, I know you will."

"What if I don't?" Jemma challenged him. "What happens to me if the nightmares don't stop? If I see those eyes everywhere I look? If I hear my sister screaming for help when I'm not keeping myself focused? If I can never trust another man again?"

"Well, I wouldn't be too worried about that." Spencer said, rubbing Jemma's back as she rested her head on his chest. "You trust me, don't you?"

"Well, yeah," Jemma replied. "But you're not a threat."

Spencer sighed. Sure he didn't want Jemma to feel threatened by him, but he'd at least like her to see a bit of masculinity in him.

"You're my protector." Jemma elaborated, as if she had read his mind. "My knight in shining armour."

Reid almost laughed at the thought of being someone's protector, but he stopped himself when he realized that there was probably no one better suited to take care of Jemma. He smoothed Jemma's wild red hair then sighed.

"This isn't right."

"What isn't right?" Jemma asked.

"This, Jemma! I shouldn't be laying in bed with a witness."

Jemma looked up at Spencer with her coffee brown eyes. "You like me though, don't you?" she asked him, admittedly terrified of what his response might be.

"No," Spencer said. "I mean, yes, I mean, I can't, Jemma, it's not right."

"Do you like me?" Jemma repeated.

"Yes, of course I like you, Jemma."

"Then it's right. This is right, Spencer."

He sighed and pulled her closer. "Not according to FBI protocol."

"Fuck the protocol, Spencer." Jemma said. "You want me to get better, don't you?"

"Jemma, please don't give me an ultimatum." Spencer whined.

"Just hear me out, Spencer. The only thing that can keep my mind off of what happened is you. The only time I'm not afraid is when you're with me. If it's your job to protect me, then protect me from the pain of the memories, Spencer."

Spencer was silent.

"Please?" Jemma begged. "We don't need to be like we were before, Spencer, but I need someone now. I've got no one left and I've never even felt like I needed someone before now."

Spencer wanted to comfort and protect Jemma, but he knew he could lose his job if they got too close. Seeing the helpless girl crying in his arms after just days ago admiring her strength, Spencer decided what he would do. He would protect her no matter what and find the bastard who had broken the girl he had fallen for. Maybe it was his guilt for not saving her, or maybe it was being called her knight in shining armour, but Spencer would do anything Jemma asked of him.

"Don't worry, Jem, I'll protect you for as long as you need me to." Spencer promised Jemma.

Calmed and reassured, Jemma fell asleep in Spencer's arms for the second night in a row.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for this chapter's major lack of action or anything really important. Thanks for reading anyway. I promise it will cease to be a snoozer in the next chapter or so. Actually, I probably shouldn't promise that. Don't worry though, stuff will happen soon. Dramatic stuff. Dun dun duuuuuuunnnn!**

**Anyway, my eyeballs hurt and I'm tired. Reviews please?**


	14. Chapter 14

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_Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, just Jemma._

**I have never yet heard of a murderer who was not afraid of a ghost. - John Philpot Curran**

* * *

"So, what do we have so far?" Hotch asked the BAU in the conference room the next morning.

"Well, we have a first name for the unsub." Morgan replied. "Albert."

The expressions in the room were of pure disgust.

"This sick bastard doesn't deserve a name." Emily spat. Listening to Jemma recount the story of her rape had really gotten to her. Typically, she compartmentalized the horrors of the job better than the rest of the team, but last night she had been woken several times in the night by horrific nightmares in which she was the unsub's latest victim. She had resolved to give Jemma a call on her lunch break today. She figured the poor girl needed another female to talk to, especially living with Reid.

Hotch looked to Garcia. "Can you find any suspects in the previous murders with the first name Albert, Garcia?"

"I'm on it!" Garcia replied, already halfway to the door, walking exceedingly fast for someone in four-inch glittery red heels.

"What else do we have?" Hotch asked.

"He most likely drives an RV." Dave replied.

"Already on it!" they heard Garcia shout from somewhere in the bullpen.

"Anything else?" Hotch pressed.

"Why did he slit her wrists when he was finished?" Emily asked.

Spencer cringed at the thought. It was probably the part of the case that got to him the most. He had seen unsubs massacre families and he'd seen the damage caused by serial rapists, but why slit his victims' wrists after already raping and stabbing them repeatedly?

"It's got to be symbolic of something." Spencer said. "J-Jemma was al-already dead to him."

Hotch gave the youngest member of the BAU a warning look. He was angry that Spencer had gotten so emotionally involved despite his warnings. Usually the young genius based all his decisions on logic and logic said that getting involved with Jemma could only result badly for him and possibly the team.

"He's a sadist, he likes to watch his victims suffer." Dave stated,

Reid shook his head. "No, he ran out after he did it."

"Maybe he knew we were coming." Morgan suggested. "Heard the chopper or something."

Reid shook his head again. "No, no, I'm sure it's symbolic of something. I'm going to go find out what." he said, getting up and leaving the conference room.

Hotch shot Dave a look that said, "I told you so." Dave wondered for a moment if maybe Reid had actually become too involved in the case. He pushed those thoughts to the back of his head though. He'd known Reid long enough to know that this was not an emotional outburst, this was how his brain worked, he would get excited like a puppy and act oddly until his magnificent brain finally made all the connections that it needed to find the answer.

* * *

Jemma sat on Spencer's couch, watching television. The ladies of _The View_ were bickering about something, Jemma had forgotten what. Forgetting was not good. Not unless it was forgetting the things she was actually trying to forget. The memories flooded back into Jemma`s mind despite her best efforts to push them back and get back into the talk show. It was no use.

Jemma felt the pain of the Beast entering her body all over again. Her wounds stung with the pain again. Had she remembered to take her pain medication? It didn't matter, the pills could not take away the pain that really mattered.

Jemma got up and walked to the bathroom anyway. She opened the medicine cabinet and took out her prescription. She placed the small capsule on her tongue and swallowed it dry. Returning the bottle to the cabinet, Jemma closed the door and looked at herself in the mirror.

She disgusted herself. She was dirty and impure. The Beast had taken one of Jemma's few sources of pride, who would want her now? She felt as if there was something dirty still left inside her, but she had no idea as to how to get it out. She screamed and pulled her hair in frustration.

Much to Jemma's surprise, as she held the clumps of long, red hair in her hands, she felt relieve. It was as if the hair was a substitute for whatever filthy thing inside her that she could not find.

If Jemma were a cartoon, a lightbulb would have appeared above her head. With an almost psychotic grin spread across her freckled face, Jemma ran to the kitchen on her injured feet and found a pair of scissors in a drawer after several minutes of digging through and unknowingly destroying the neat and tidy room. She sprinted back down the hallway to the bathroom where she proceeded to snip away at her hair until she was satisfied, convinced the filth was cleansed from her broken body.

Exhausted from the sudden burst of ecstasy, Jemma stumbled to the bedroom where she collapsed on the unmade bed and fell into a deep, restful sleep which her body was in desperate need of. Jemma was so sound asleep that she missed two phone calls that afternoon.

* * *

"Jemma?" Spencer called, stepping into the apartment. "Jemma, are you alright?"

When Jemma didn't answer the phone when he called from work, Spencer had begun to get anxious. What if she was hurt? What if the unsub had finally found her? The rest of the BAU saw how nervous he was so they told him to go home, becoming a bit nervous themselves.

"Hey Spencer." Jemma yawned, limping down the hallway on her crutches. She only used them for his appeasement now. When he was at work, she walked around the apartment without them.

Spencer sighed in relief. "Why didn't you answer the phone, Jemma?"

"I was asleep." she shrugged.

"Wait, what happened to your hair?" Spencer asked.

Jemma looked confused as she ran her fingers through her newly shortened hair. "Oh yeah, I cut it."

"Jemma, you could have told me you wanted it cut, I would've taken you to a hairdresser."

Jemma laughed. "Like you'd even know where to find one."

Reid blushed, but he knew that behind the jokes, Jemma was probably hurting more than she ever had. "Jemma, why did you cut your hair?" he asked.

The smile disappeared from Jemma's face and she began to cry.

"I'm filthy." she sobbed into Spencer's shoulder. "I might as well look as ugly as I feel."

"No, Jemma, you're not ugly." Spencer insisted as he rubbed her back. "You're... you're beautiful."

Jemma shook her head. "No, no I'm not. I'm disgusting! I'm just some filthy slut that anyone can just rape whenever they want!"

"No, Jem, no you're not. Please don't think like that, it's not true." Spencer pleaded with her. "Jemma, maybe you should talk to someone."

"Who? You're the only person I know here and you obviously don't want to talk to me and talking to myself probably isn't a good idea."

"No, I want to talk to you, Jem, but there's only so much I can do for you." Spencer said. "I meant maybe you should see a therapist."

"A therapist?" Jemma repeated. "I'm not crazy."

"No, but you shouldn't cope with this on your own anymore, Jem. If you're cutting all your hair off because you feel dirty, then what else are you capable of?" Spencer demanded. "I don't want you to hurt yourself, Jem."

Jemma nodded and rested her head on Spencer's shoulder.

* * *

"Hey Pretty Boy." Morgan laughed as Spencer entered the bullpen and sat at his desk. "Nice haircut."

"Oh, thanks." Spencer said, running his fingers through his hair, still trying to get used to it. He had stopped to get it cut on his way to work. Seeing Jemma with hair shorter than his had made Spencer rather self-conscious. After all, it had actually been several years since he'd last cut his hair. He thought that the shorter hair made him actually look his age.

"Conference room, _now_!" Hotch called to his team.

Spencer and Derek got up and went to sit at the round table, waiting for Dave and the girls to join them.

"Garcia, tell us what you found." Hotch ordered when the whole team was finally assembled.

"OK," Penelope agreed and began her report. "So, the unsub is Albert Colwyn. He's a suspect in only three of the different investigations, but he's the only suspect in the first one. Plus, this guy has 'creep' written all over him." A mugshot of Colwyn appeared on the screen. "Also, I've discovered that the lovely Jemma is not the only person to have survived this scumbag."

"Great," Derek said. "Can you get us in contact with the other victim? Maybe they can help us out."

Garcia shook her head. "Not so fast, Chocolate Thunder. Tracy Evans was sixteen when her mother, father, and four younger siblings were killed in front of her eyes. Here's where it get weird though. Unlike the other victims, she wasn't found in the master bedroom, she was found hanging in the shower, but there were signs of rape like the other victims."

"Well, the unsub cut Jemma's wrists before he left, how do you know he didn't hang Tracy Evans to make it look like a murder-suicide?" Morgan asked.

"The medical examiner's report put Tracy's time of death _three days_ after the rest of her family." Garcia said. "And there were cuts on her wrists, but they were too shallow to kill her."

"So she did survive." Dave said. "She was just too deeply traumatized to go to the police and ended up hanging herself."

Spencer's eyes widened. Maybe he shouldn't doubt Jemma's strength, maybe he should just be thankfully she wasn't that far gone. But what would have happened if they had not found her? She would have went for help, right? Surely Jemma wouldn't think of killing herself.

Spencer was brought back to reality when he heard Garcia say, "Tracy Evans was also four months pregnant, coinciding with a rape she reported four months before her death."

Dave raised an eyebrow. "Does this really have anything to do with the murders?"

Garcia bit her lip, afraid that maybe she had dug too far into this victim's life.

"Well it might..." Prentiss said, breaking the tension in the room.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please don't forget to review! **


	15. Chapter 15

_Disclaimer: I own nothing except my OCs._

**The best way out is always through. -Robert Frost**

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Jemma stood in Spencer's small kitchen, dicing onions in the late afternoon. She was listening to the radio, having found an old-time country station, a more pleasing alternative to the large collection of classical music and books on CD that Spencer kept by his stereo.

In the last few days, thanks to a couple therapy sessions and a night out with Spencer's female coworkers, Jemma was starting to get better. She was less paranoid and more trusting of other people. She was clinging to Spencer less, but it was clear she was still more comfortable with him around. The only thing that had not improved were the nightmares. Jemma's therapist told her those would probably take longer to conquer, but she should not avoid sleep because of them. Sometimes, according to the therapist, dreams were our subconscious way of coming to terms with traumatic events. Spencer had begun to sleep beside her every night and it lessened the pain of the nightmares for Jemma, having him there to comfort her.

Today, Jemma was cooking a feast for herself and Spencer to eat when he got off work. She wanted some way to repay him for being there for her, but mostly she was just bored. Sitting around the apartment, watching TV and reading all day was no fun. If she were home, she would be preparing to return to university right about now.

Suddenly, the hairs on the back of Jemma's neck began to stand up. Someone was watching her. She tightened her grip on the knife she was holding and turned around. For a spilt second, she saw those sinister eyes staring back at her from the other side of the window, but then they were gone.

Jemma dropped everything and ran to the bedroom. She locked the door and barricaded it by pushing the dresser in front of it. She locked the windows, drew the curtains and sat on the bed, knife in hand, staring at the door and occasionally glancing at the windows. She grabbed the cordless phone off the nightstand, took a deep breath and dialled Spencer's cell phone number.

* * *

Spencer entered the apartment with his gun raised. He cleared the room and Hotch and Morgan followed him inside. The smoke alarm was buzzing and the men could smell something burning in the kitchen. Spencer lead the way down the hall and knocked on the door of his bedroom.

"Jemma, it's me, open the door!" he yelled over the smoke alarm.

A few seconds later, the door opened and Jemma threw her arms around Spencer.

"Spencer, he was here." she sobbed. "I saw him."

"Shhh... it's OK, Jem, you're OK."

* * *

"Spencer, are you sure he's gone?" Jemma asked, looking around the bedroom nervously that night.

"Yes, Jemma, there's no one here except us." Spencer assured her for what felt like the millionth time. "I've got a gun and I'll be watching all night, I promise."

Jemma relaxed and got in bed beside Spencer.

"Jemma, we need to talk about something." he said nervously.

Jemma looked up at him. "What is it, Spencer?"

"Well, the crime scene unit didn't find any actual evidence that the unsub was actually here, Jemma." Spencer said hesitantly.

"So you're saying I'm crazy?" Jemma asked.

Spencer shook his head. "No, I'm not saying you're crazy, Jem. I believe that you saw something today, but we don't have any solid evidence. The case has kind of... gone cold. There's no evidence we haven't looked into and he hasn't committed another crime. We've got nothing to go on."

"So you're sending me home?"

"No, you can stay here as long as you'd like, Jem, but I'm not going to be home to protect you all the time." Spencer said. "There are other cases, other people we can save right now."

Jemma nodded. "I get it, there's other people who need you."

"I don't want to leave you alone though." Spencer said, frustrated with the position he was in.

"Spencer, I'm not a kid, I don't need a babysitter. I am capable of taking care of myself." Jemma argued with him.

"No, that's not what I meant." Spencer said. "I meant, I want you to be able to protect yourself while I'm gone. Would you take self-defence classes, Jemma?"

Jemma nodded in agreement.

"I'll show you where I keep my spare gun and I'll show you how to shoot." Spencer said.

"No, Spencer." Jemma protested. "I can't. I can't trust myself with a gun, at least not now anyway."

Spencer nodded and wrapped his arms tighter around the fragile girl. He felt guilty enough leaving her alone while he was at the office, he didn't know how he could handle leaving her alone for days at a time. Jemma was obviously overwhelmed with boredom at the apartment, she had nothing to do and knew no one except Spencer and the BAU. Maybe he could find her a job and get her to go back to school. Jemma had already begun to fall asleep though, so Spencer resolved to speak to her about it in the morning.

* * *

"Reid." Spencer answered his cell phone.

"Spencer!" Jemma greeted him cheerfully. "I got the job!"

"That's great, Jem. When do you start?"

"Tomorrow. I'm doing Sunday, to Thursday day shifts then Friday and Saturday nights." Jemma said. "When are you coming home?"

Spencer sighed. It had been two days since he had left for Seattle and Jemma seemed to be coping well, but he knew it was only a matter of time until she broke. "I don't know, Jem. As soon as this case is done, I promise. I... I miss you, Jem."

He really did miss her. More than he had anticipated actually.

"I miss you too, Spencer." Jemma replied. "Please come home safe, OK?"

He smiled. Of course Jemma would be more concerned with his safety than her own. He was glad that the therapy was working and that she was beginning to return to her normal self.

"I will, don't worry." he assured her. "Goodbye, Jem."

"Goodbye Spencer."

* * *

"Could I get some more sugar?" the question caught Jemma completely off-guard.

She had been clearing off a table after the dinner rush at the restaurant when a man at a nearby table asked her for more sugar for his coffee. Jemma did not hear that man's voice though, she only heard the Beast snarling in her ear, "_Sugar..._" The thought made her drop the stack of plates she held in her hand. The sound of the glass breaking when it hit the floor caused the customers and staff all to stare at Jemma. Shaking, she ran out the back door of the restaurant.

She sat on the steps and began to cry. Maybe she wasn't getting better like she had thought. Maybe she was going to be broken for the rest of her life. Nothing would ever be normal ever again. She wanted Spencer to comfort her, but he wouldn't be home from Seattle until late that night.

* * *

Spencer turned the key in the apartment door and sighed as he entered. He dropped his go-bag at the door and dragged himself down the dark hallway to his bedroom, half asleep. When he opened the door to the bedroom, he was shocked to see Jemma on the bed, waiting for him, wearing black, lacy lingerie.

"Jemma, what... what are you doing?" Spencer asked, his face turning red.

"Come here, Spencer." Jemma said seductively.

Spencer sat on the bed beside Jemma and she immediately pressed her lips against his and pinned him to the bed.

"No, Jemma, stop." he said, tearing his lips away from hers.

"Why?" Jemma asked, obviously hurt. "I thought you wanted me."

"Jemma, I do," Spencer insisted, looking deep into Jemma's eyes. "But this isn't right and I know that you don't want this."

"No, you're wrong." Jemma argued. "I want you Spencer. How can you know what I want and don't want?"

"May I?" Spencer asked, placing his hand on Jemma's thigh.

Jemma nodded, allowing him to proceed. Spencer ran his fingers up her thigh until Jemma tensed up and pulled away. She tried as hard as she could to stifle a scream, but it escaped her lips anyway. She was terrified and disgusted. She felt the same pain she felt when the Beast had been on top of her.

"See?" Spencer said, proving his point.

Jemma nodded tearfully.

"Come here." Spencer said, opening his arms to her.

Jemma wiggled closer to him and rested her head on his chest.

"What happened?" Spencer asked, helping her under the blankets.

"How do you know something happened?"

Spencer sighed and rubbed Jemma's back. "Because you've been getting better until now. Something must have happened to upset you."

"Stop profiling me." Jemma tried to laugh. "Today, at work, someone said something that upset me. I thought I was past this."

Jemma absentmindedly kissed Spencer on his collarbone and he kissed the top of her head. Lately she had begun to wonder what their physical relationship meant. Were they a couple now? Or was he just being nice? Surely he wouldn't actually want to be with her now that she was dirty and broken and impure. Jemma resolved that she didn't care what their status was, as long as he continued to comfort her like this.

"Jemma, you probably have post-traumatic stress disorder." Spencer said.

Jemma nodded. "Yeah, my therapist said that."

"What happened to you was terrible, Jem. No one expects you to ever fully get over it. You'll probably always have certain things trigger the memories and it probably won't ever stop hurting."

Jemma cried harder after hearing her deepest fears confirmed.

"You're going to get through this though, I know you will. You're the strongest girl I've ever met, Jemma."

"I don't feel strong." Jemma sighed.

It was true, she felt broken and hopeless. She felt as if she'd never truly be herself again.

"Because you're far too modest." Spencer said, stroking her hair. "Jemma, you survived multiple stab wounds and blood loss. You fractured both your ankles running to get help for your sister. You're fighting though the PTSD. You _are _strong."

Jemma blushed and nuzzled her face against Spencer's chest.

"Now get some sleep, Jemma."

Spencer carefully crawled out of bed, making sure Jemma was comfortable before going to take a shower. When he returned to bed, Jemma was already asleep. He got in beside her and fell asleep wondering if it was really such a good idea to be leaving her home alone.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Hope you all enjoyed it. Something big is coming up, so be prepared.**

**Oh man, so, Friday night, my water pump broke and I haven't been able to have a shower or wash my clothes or brush my teeth since. It just got fixed and I've been waiting for the water heater to heat it back up so I can finally have a shower. I don't think I'll ever take the necessities of life for granted _ever_ again. I've never been so excited to brush my teeth!**

**Anyway, let me know what you think about this chapter. Do you all think I'm portraying Reid correctly? What do you think of Jemma and Spencer's relationship? Anything else you want to know?**

**Oh, and I'd like to thank the wonderful Cassadee Willows for all her amazing help with this story and everyone should check out her stories because she's a great writer!**

**Bon nuit!**


	16. Chapter 16

_Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, nor am I making any money off of this. I do however own Jemma and my plot, although sadly I'm not making money off of those either._

**Either you run the day or the day runs you. - Jim Rohn**

* * *

Jemma awoke the next morning after Spencer had left and began to get ready for work. When she finished in the shower, she noticed that there was a missed call on the telephone. She suspected it was Spencer calling to check on her, so she played the message on speaker as she did her make-up in the mirror that hung over Spencer's dresser. A stranger could never tell it was Spencer's now though as it was covered in Jemma's many beauty products; a hair straightener, curling iron, brushes and combs, cosmetics, perfumes, hairspray, nail polish. Jemma spent a lot of time applying make-up purely out of boredom now.

"Hello, Jemma," her boss's voice came out of the phone. "Listen, after what happened yesterday, I'm starting to think you're not really capable of handling this job. So uh... don't bother coming in today."

Jemma stopped applying her lip gloss and cursed under her breath.

_Great,_ she thought, _back to the dreadful boredom._

Jemma went back to bed for awhile, but was awoken by the telephone ringing. It was Emily calling to ask Jemma if she wanted to meet for lunch. Jemma agreed, promising to meet Emily at Quantico in an hour.

She got out of bed and was ready in about ten minutes. After figuring out how to use the Metro, Jemma arrived at Quantico fifteen minutes late. Other than Emily, Derek, and Spencer, the bullpen was empty, everyone else had apparently left for their lunch break already.

"Hey guys." Jemma greeted the profilers.

"Hey, sorry I forgot that you've probably never taken the train before." Emily apologized, standing up and slinging her purse over her shoulder.

"That's alright I figured it out." Jemma said.

"Jemma, what are you doing here?" Spencer asked. "Is everything alright? Where are you going, Emily?"

The women rolled their eyes and Derek hid his smile.

"We're going out for lunch." Jemma said.

"Yeah, there's this great Thai place a couple blocks away." Emily added.

"_Thai?_" Jemma repeated.

Emily looked at her quizzically. "You've never had Thai food before?"

Jemma shook her head.

"I'm actually quite hungry myself," Spencer spoke up. "And I love Thai food."

Jemma and Emily laughed at how oblivious he was.

"Not today, Reid." Emily said.

"But-"

"We need girl time, Reid." Emily continued.

Spencer pouted and Derek laughed as the women left the bullpen.

"Jealous, Pretty Boy?" Derek smirked.

"What? No." Spencer blushed.

"You know it's actually healthy for her to go hang out with Prentiss, right?"

"Yes, I know that." Spencer said.

"So how are you doing in your quest to get some action from the lovely Miss Jemma?" Morgan asked.

Spencer sighed. "I'm not trying to _get some_. In fact, it's quite the opposite."

Morgan raised an eyebrow. "The opposite?"

"She wanted to have intercourse when I came home last night." Spencer whispered.

Derek tried as hard as he could to not laugh at his co-worker's cluelessness when it came to the opposite gender. "So she wanted it and you said no? What's wrong with you, Reid?"

"Nothing's wrong with me." Spencer stated. "At least not in that sense."

"No, no, no man, there's obviously something wrong with you if you would say no to that." Derek insisted.

"She's sick." Spencer said. "She didn't actually want to have sex, it's part of her symptoms."

"Symptoms?"

"She has post-traumatic stress disorder." Spencer stated.

"But it hasn't been a month." Derek said. "It's called acute stress reaction until then, right?"

"Well, it's going to be PTSD." Spencer said.

"Don't be such a pessimist." Derek said.

"Well what's the point in believing that things will get better when from a logical standpoint, it seems that things will only get worse?"

Derek rolled his eyes and left his desk to get a cup of coffee.

* * *

"How has he not gotten to you yet?" Emily asked Jemma, taking a sip of her diet coke.

Jemma shrugged. "Why would he get to me?"

"He never stops talking about facts and statistics." Emily said. "He doesn't understand how to socialize. The fact that you're a female just makes the situation even worse."

"I think it's cute when he rambles on about stuff I have absolutely no comprehension of. He actually doesn't seem that uncomfortable with me around. Nothing I wouldn't consider normal anyway."

"You think Reid's _cute_?" Emily repeated.

Jemma nodded. "Yeah, he's like the sweetest guy ever. No one's ever been as nice to me as he's been these last few weeks."

"You're not uh... you're not taking advantage of that, are you?" Emily asked, discretely trying to determine whether or not her friend might end up getting hurt.

Jemma bit her lip. "I... I might be, but he... he's never told me I couldn't." she replied timidly.

"He may not seem like it most of the time, but he's still a man, Jemma." Emily reminded the young redhead and herself.

Jemma knew that clinging to Spencer could be dangerous for both of them, but her anxiety and her grief could not be consoled without him. Jemma now realized that while she got a lot out of this relationship (if you could define it as that), there really wasn't anything in it for Spencer, except perhaps the obvious, but he had proved last night that that was not what he was after.

"What am I supposed to do, Emily?" Jemma asked desperately. "It's like we're already together and we haven't even been on a date. I've ruined everything, haven't I?"

"That's not true." Emily said. "You just have to decide if you want to date or just have him comfort you until you have to leave and you both get hurt."

Jemma saw the truth in what Emily said. In a few weeks, her brother would return from Iraq and she would go home with him, possibly never seeing Spencer again. Creating an even bigger physical bond with Spencer would just hurt more when she had to leave. She depended on his comfort enough as it was, if that need got any stronger, it could break her already fragile frame of mind.

"Alright, so how do I go about romancing the good doctor?" Jemma gave in, ready to give up her clingy neediness and try for the relationship she truly wanted with Spencer.

* * *

"Alright, first you're gonna need some cologne." Derek advised Spencer in the break room. "Not too much, but enough that she'll notice."

"Why? I don't smell, do I?" Spencer asked, smelling himself.

"No, but you've seen the Axe commercials, haven't you?" Derek asked, unable to come up with another reason for why the young genius should wear cologne if he took Jemma out tonight.

Spencer shook his head. Of course he'd never seen an Axe commercial before. If he had, Derek doubted he would comprehend it.

"C'mon man, you must have some statistic about attraction in that big old brain of yours."

"Uh.. women find cinnamon, vanilla and musk attractive." Spencer recalled from something he'd read somewhere. "They're also aphrodisiacs."

"Are you forgetting where Jemma's from?" JJ joined in on the conversation. "As long as you shower she'll be impressed."

Spencer turned red, embarrassed that JJ had overheard their conversation.

"Hey, we were having a man to man conversation over here." Derek said to JJ.

She rolled her eyes. "Spencer, if you want to learn how to get a girl into bed, stick around for the rest of Morgan's lesson in attraction, if you want to learn how to have a successful date and relationship with Jemma, listen to me."

Derek laughed and Spencer turned his attention to JJ.

"First of all, where are you taking her?" JJ asked.

Spencer bit his lip nervously.

"He hasn't even asked her yet." Derek said.

JJ took a deep breath. "OK, how do you plan to ask her?"

Spencer shrugged. "Do I even have to ask her? She's living with me and goes wherever I go anyway."

JJ sighed. "Spence, you have to ask her to make it an official date." Of all the things Spencer knew, why couldn't dating be one of them?

"OK, so I'll ask her when her and Emily get back from lunch." Spencer said, hoping to get this conversation over with as soon as possible.

"So where do you plan to take her?" JJ asked.

"I don't know." Spencer sighed. "I didn't bother to plan it out because I'm afraid she'll say no."

Derek laughed. "You didn't even plan on asking her until I told you to."

"Alright," JJ sighed. "What does she like to do?"

Spencer shrugged. "I don't know."

JJ rolled her eyes. "She's been living with you for over a week now and you don't know what she likes?"

"What who likes?" Garcia butted in.

"We're trying to figure out where Pretty Boy should take Princess Jemma on their date." Derek filled her in.

"Our little genius has a date?" Garcia asked, unable to believe it.

"I haven't even asked her yet!" Spencer exclaimed, becoming quite agitated that over half the BAU now knew his plans. "And stop calling her that, Morgan, she doesn't like it."

Derek laughed. "Why not? She's totally a princess. She has you wrapped around her finger and you're not even dating yet!"

Penelope hit Derek in the chest the shut him up. "Leave, now." she ordered, pointing him back to his desk. Derek pouted and did as he was told. Penelope knew that if anything were to be done about Spencer's predicament, Derek definitely should not be present. Like he had any real relationship experience anyway.

"Hey, Pen," JJ said, a brilliant idea forming in her mind. "You can find out what Jemma's interests are, can't you?"

"Why would you even ask, Jaje?" she laughed. "Of course I can!"

"No." Spencer protested, drawing the line at snooping through Jemma's personal life. "Absolutely not."

Penelope sighed. "We're not going to go digging for the skeletons in her closet, Boy Wonder." she explained. "We're just going to find her MySpace or Facebook or whatever and find out what she's into so you can give her a wonderful first date."

"You really think she'd put that on the internet?" Spencer asked.

The girls laughed at his lack of knowledge of social networking sites.

"She's a twenty-year-old girl, Spence," JJ said. "Of course she has those things on her profile."

"Profile?" Spencer asked, having rarely heard that word used in reference to something other than an unsub.

The women laughed again.

"Come on, Boy Wonder." Penelope said, taking Spencer by the arm and dragging him to her lair.

* * *

"Hey Jemma," Spencer greeted her when she returned from her lunch with Emily. "How did you like the Thai food?"

Jemma laughed, lighting up the otherwise dull and sometimes depressing bullpen with her smile. "Well, it was interesting." she replied.

Spencer laughed nervously, taking in Jemma's beauty. Today she looked radiant, probably because not a single memory of the most horrific event of her life had crossed her mind since she had awoken. Her hair looked nice short, not as feminine as before, but it made her look older and edgier. Her yellow sundress made her shine even more. Spencer made a mental note that he would have to take her shopping soon or she would freeze to death in the fast approaching autumn weather.

"So, how's your day been so far?" Jemma asked when she realized Spencer did not know how to continue the conversation.

"Oh, uh... it was interesting." he replied.

Jemma suppressed a laugh at how awkward Spencer could be.

"Uh... Jemma?" he said timidly.

"Yes Spencer?" Jemma asked, stepping closer to him, eagerly taking in his warm, familiar scent.

"Do you... would you maybe, possibly like to... do you want to maybe... go out with me tonight?" Spencer struggled to asked.

Jemma smiled and blushed. "Of course I would, Spencer."

* * *

"Spencer, where are you taking me?" Jemma asked for the twenty-seventh time that evening.

If Jemma wasn't laughing every time she asked, Spencer would have thought she was annoyed with him. He was nervous. Beyond nervous actually, he doubted he'd ever been so nervous about anything in his life, but Jemma seemed to be enjoying herself, she hadn't stopped smiling and laughing since she'd gotten in his rusty blue Toyota.

"I've told you twenty-six times already, Jemma," Spencer repeated himself. "It's a surprise."

Jemma pouted. "Please tell me?"

"No." Spencer replied.

Jemma sighed. "Fine, but can we at least talk about something, you look like you're going to explode or something over there."

Spencer took a deep breathe and made an attempt at small talk. "How was your day?"

"Well, other than losing my job, it was wonderful." Jemma said.

"You lost your job?" Spencer repeated, taking his eyes off the road momentarily to see if Jemma was upset.

Jemma shrugged. "Yeah, apparently I'm not capable of handling a waitressing job." she said sarcastically.

"Jemma, you don't believe that, do you?" Spencer asked. "You're getting better."

Jemma sighed. "I don't know. I don't really care about the job. I mean, I'd like to have my own money so you don't have to support me, but I can get another job, or I can go back to school. Joey's gonna be back from Iraq soon, so I'll be heading back to Morrow Springs soon, there's no point in getting a job if I'm just going to have to quit. I think I should try to finish my degree online though, that way I can study no matter where I am. Plus, I don't know if I could really handle a crowded campus."

"Jemma, don't worry about money." Spencer said. "It's my job to protect you and that includes not letting you starve or freeze to death."

"So chivalrous." Jemma teased. "How is it you're still single?"

Single? Jemma didn't consider them a couple yet, even after he had asked her on a date? Spencer was hurt, but he tried not to show it as her braked and put the car in park.

Jemma looked around, curious as to where they were. She had expected a restaurant or a movie theatre or something along the lines of what she thought was typical of a first date, but this... what was this?

"Uh... Spencer," Jemma said. "Where are we?"

Spencer grinned and got out of the car, circling around to open Jemma's door for her. He took her hand and lead her to their destination.

"Spencer... is this the jet you use for work?" Jemma asked in disbelief.

Spencer nodded, still grinning.

"How did you... where are we..." Jemma was at a loss for words.

"Well, I was able to pull some strings so we could spend the night in New Orleans."

"New Orleans?" Jemma repeated. "Like, Mardi Gras New Orleans?"

Spencer laughed. "Yes, _that_ New Orleans, but I'm going to show you something better than alcohol and beads."

Jemma laughed and Spencer helped her step onto the plane.

* * *

"Scotch please." Spencer gave his order to the bartender.

"And I'll have some Jack Daniels!" Jemma added, smirking.

Spencer sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Hey, I'll be legal in December." Jemma defended herself.

Spencer shook his head. He took his drink off the counter and lead Jemma across the lounge to a brown leather sofa, just several feet away from the band.

"These guys are good." Jemma remarked. "How'd you know I'd like a band all the way in New Orleans? Wait, nevermind, you know everything."

"I don't know everything." Spencer said.

"Close enough."

"I do not!"

Jemma giggled and kissed Spencer's cheek. "I think you're cute when you talk smart."

Spencer blushed and began to recite some random facts for Jemma. As the night progressed, Jemma got drunker and inched closer and closer to Spencer until she was sitting in his lap, playing with his hair. Spencer was glad that Jemma was enjoying herself and getting close to him for reasons other than needing to be comforted, but he was rather concerned about how drunk she was.

When the band finished, Spencer decided it was probably best for them to leave while Jemma could still sort of walk to the taxi.

"Hey, Spencer!" one of the band members called to him and he helped Jemma off the couch.

"Hey, Ethan." Spencer greeted his old friend.

"So is this how you spend your time off now, Spencer?" Ethan laughed. "Seducing teenage girls?"

"She's twenty, Ethan." Spencer defended himself.

"Hey, I'm just kidding with you, man." Ethan said before turning to Jemma. "I'm Ethan, I was friends with Spencer back in Vegas."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Jemma."

"So, how'd Dr. Awkward find a girl like you?" Ethan asked.

Jemma bit her lip and Spencer gave his old friend a dirty look.

Ethan realized that he should have put two and two together and figured out that in Spencer's line of work, there were not many opportunities to meet women. Women that were not victims or witnesses anyway.

"You're a great musician, Ethan." Jemma said, trying to break the tension. "How come you aren't famous?"

"I like New Orleans too much I guess." Ethan said with a shrug. "You guys should stay and have a few drinks."

"We really should be getting to our hotel." Spencer said, not wanting to put any more alcohol into Jemma.

"Alright, it was nice seeing you." Ethan said. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Jemma, try not to let Spencer drive you crazy."

Jemma laughed. "Oh, he drives me crazy alright." she said with a wink directed at Spencer.

Spencer blushed. "Alright, I think we need to get going before anything happens to Jemma. Do you know how many people die from drunken accidents every year?"

Jemma pressed a finger to Spencer's lips. "Shh... save the statistics for our hotel room, Spencer." she slurred in an attempt to be seductive.

* * *

"Spencer?" Jemma said, looking up from where she laid with her head on his chest.

"Mmm?" he groaned, half asleep.

"I just wanted to say thank you," Jemma said, "For saving me, and protecting me, and putting up with me, and especially last night."

"Last night?" Spencer repeated. "But I said no to you last night."

"Yeah, I'm thanking you for saying no."

Spencer gave her a puzzled look. "I don't understand."

Jemma smiled. "You will eventually, darlin'." She kissed him gently on the cheek before saying, "Now get some sleep, and thank you for tonight."

"Goodnight." Spencer said, kissing the top of Jemma's head.

"Goodnight." Jemma replied, thankful that she made it through one full day without the memories and the tears.

* * *

**A/N: Yes, fluffy, I know. Also, I know that the trip to New Orleans is completely unrealistic. For some reason my mind was like, "Let's write Ethan into this story!" then once I did, I was like, "Well, this isn't going where I wanted it to. Oh well, I'm too tired and lazy to go rewrite. Deal with it." So, my apologies if anyone is unsatisfied with this. I know it's not my best**, **but I hope you all enjoyed some of the fun little moments and the slight romantic progress. Also, this fluffy chapter is probably going to be a good contract for something in the near future...**

**So, I never really even planned to take the story any further than Jemma being rescued. Originally, it was just going to end with Spencer saving her, but then in the hospital when she woke up, she managed to steal his gun and shoot herself because she was angry that he would let her live after that. So, because I could never be that mean to Spencer by killing the object of his affection and I really love Jemma and knew she could get through it, I decided to extend. For awhile now, it will sound like I'm getting off of the original theme of this story, but I promise it will only be temporary as it is all part of my master 're all probably smart enough to get what I'm talking about *cough*unltimate resolution*cough***

**Anyway, I am exhausted, so I'm headed to sleep. Reviews to await me when I check my emails tomorrow? Pretty please?**

**PS: Did anyone else cry a little bit at the end of Wednesday's episode?**


	17. Chapter 17

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_Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, but I do own my OCs and my plot._

**Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies. - Mother Teresa**

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* * *

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Jemma sipped her coffee nervously, feeling Emily's eyes burrowing into her soul, trying to figure out what she wasn't telling her. Of course Emily had not asked Jemma how her date with Spencer had went, she wasn't really one for girly chitchat, but as a profiler, it was only natural that she would want to know and was using her profile of Jemma to come to her own conclusions about what had happened. Jemma decided with a sigh that it was probably better for her to just tell Emily than to let her assume things that had never really happened.

"It was a bit of a disaster." Jemma confessed.

Emily raised an eyebrow, pretending to be surprised. She had guess that Jemma and Spencer's first date would not go well. While the two got along great, they were both lacking in relationship experience. What they both needed was a more experienced date to take the lead and show them how it was done. Jemma's lack of a female role model whom she could turn to for dating advice probably did not help the situation either.

"What happened?" Emily asked.

"Well, he managed to get the BAU jet to take us to New Orleans to see his friend Ethan perform at this bar." Jemma said. "But I got a bit too drunk and I think I ruined it. I don't think Spencer likes me anymore. He didn't even call me while you guys were on that case."

"Well, in Reid's defence, it was a really trying case. None of us got a chance to go back to the hotel. He only likes to call you when he's alone like that, he says you've been through enough, you don't need to overhear any of the other horrors we deal with."

"He could have at least called to check on me though." Jemma complained. "I spent two straight days locked in our- I mean, his bedroom, shaking in fear because I thought I was being watched."

Emily had not realized how bad Jemma's fear really was. She had seen her flinch a few times, but she never thought Jemma would let her fear control her life like that.

Emily sighed. "If I could even begin to imagine how Reid's brain works, I'd help you out, but I can't." she said. "What I do know is that he does like you. He usually never stops talking statistics, but since he's met you, you're all he talks about and he never shuts up."

Jemma's face brightened a bit. She had not realized it yet, but hope had become a drug more powerful than any of the painkillers the doctors had prescribed her. Like any addiction though, it was dangerous, chasing the faintest hopes that she found in Spencer could get her hurt even more.

"What do I do, Emily?" Jemma asked desperately. "I've got nothing left except whatever it is I have with Spencer, which I've gone and screwed up."

"Listen, Jemma," Emily said. "He'll understand if you want to wait until you've gotten yourself sorted out."

Jemma simply nodded and stared out the window of the coffee shop, avoiding eye contact with Emily.

* * *

It was just past noon and Jemma was standing in Spencer's kitchen, washing the dishes. He had a dishwasher, but with nothing better to do, Jemma had decided to wash them by hand. Since she had left the coffee shop, all she could think about was Spencer and if there was any possible way to redeem herself for ruining their one and only date.

Jemma wished her mother was still alive to give her relationship advice. Until now Jemma had believed that the only bad things that came as a result of her death were her father's alcoholism and having to raise her sister. Now Jemma realized that she needed her mother to tell her what she should do.

She wished Amelia was still alive too. Even if her best friend had had even less relationship experience than her, she still could have went to her to vent. Amelia had always been the best shoulder to cry on.

Jemma supposed she could call Shawna, she had been meaning to call her since the incident anyway, but had never gotten around to it. She didn't know what she would say if she did call. Plus, Shawna's strategy to getting a guy would not work on Spencer. In fact, Shawna's methods were more or less what Jemma was trying to use on their date. Getting drunk and falling all over Spencer like Shawna would do was definitely not the answer.

Maybe this thing with Spencer just wasn't meant to be. Maybe, before the Beast, it would have been possible. Hard to work around their schedules and the distance between them, but it would have been doable. Jemma had not been clingy then, not having Spencer to hold every night would not have been a problem then. She was still optimistic and strong then, now everything she thought lead her to the conclusion that life just wasn't worth the effort anymore, despite Spencer telling her otherwise almost every time he opened his mouth. No, this would not work out.

"If it's meant to be, God will make it happen." Amelia's voice popped into Jemma's head.

Jemma pushed the thought out of her head just as fast as it had entered. She did not want to think of God now. As far as she could tell, there was no God and if there was, she could not pray to someone who had decided that it was a good idea to let her family be murdered in front of her eyes then let her be raped and nearly stabbed to death. God, if he was even real, was an asshole and Jemma wanted nothing to do with him. Besides, when Amelia had said those words to her, she was referring to getting into university, not trying to create a relationship purely for the sake of having a reason to live.

Jemma jumped when she heard several strong, sharp knocks on the apartment door. Snapping back to reality, she dried her hands on a dishtowel and went to answer the door. Before undoing all the chain locks and deadbolts, she looked through the peephole to be sure whoever was there had not come to harm her. When she was sure it was not the Beast, she unlocked the door and opened it. Standing before her was a sight she had hoped she would never have to see, a sight almost as terrifying as the Beast.

* * *

**A/N: Cliffhanger! Dun dun duuuunnnnn! Sorry it's so short, I just wanted to create some suspense with this chapter and redeem myself for the crappiness of the last one. Seriously, I'm probably going to spend the rest of this story making Chapter 16 up to you. At least I realize it was bad and regret it just as much as Jemma regrets the date. Next chapter is Spencer's POV and will explain what the heck just happened here, so stay tuned.**

**Also, I'd just like to humbly ask my readers for some reviews. Seriously, when I post a chapter and don't get a review for days, it makes me quite sad because according to my story traffic, the chapter has had more than one reader. I just feel like no one is reading this and if no one's reading it, I might as well stop writing because I do have about a million other things I could be doing right now. So, not mad or anything, I would just like some more reviews. Even if you think your opinion isn't valid, it is. I take all my reviews into consideration and if there's something you'd like to see happen or some kind of change you'd like in the story or even a question, just tell me, I reply to pretty much all my reviews.**

**Anyway, that was my plea, I'll shut up now. Au revoir!**


	18. Chapter 18

_Disclaimer: I do not own CM, just my OCs and my plot._

**No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. - C.S. Lewis**

* * *

"Hey kid, what's wrong with you today?" Derek asked Spencer as they sat at their desks doing paperwork on their last case.

Spencer looked up from his paperwork. "What do you mean?" he asked, pushing his glasses up.

"You haven't called Jemma once today." Derek stated. "Usually you've called her at least ten times before noon."

Spencer shrugged and went back to his work.

"Hey man, don't brush me off like that." Derek said. "What's going on."

"She doesn't like me." Spencer mumbled.

Derek rolled his eyes. He was sick of his friend being so down on himself. "Did she tell you she doesn't like you?" he asked.

"Well, no, but it's kind of obvious." Spencer replied.

Derek laughed. "I don't think you really have the right to use the word 'obvious' when talking about a woman, Reid."

Spencer look hurt and returned to his work once more.

"Hey, I was just joking, man." Derek said. "Seriously though, what happened?"

Spencer sighed and confessed, "She got really drunk on our date. She was all over me and... I don't know."

"She was all over you? What's wrong with that?"

"It just didn't feel right. I wanted a date, but she had her tongue all over my face. If I wanted _that,_ I could have just hired a prostitute."

"Spencer!" Emily yelled at him.

Spencer knew he was in trouble. Emily never called him by his first name.

"You don't compare Jemma to a hooker!" Emily scolded him. "And you, Derek, stop objectifying the poor girl! Jemma is probably the nicest, sweetest girl on the face of the Earth. Spencer, you can't just expect her to forget everything she's been through just because you feel you need a girlfriend just to validate your masculinity then listen to you whine about your fucking abandonment issues! She was raped and almost stabbed to death! Stop rushing her!"

"What do you even know about my relationship with Jemma?" Spencer snapped. "Cuz as far as I'm concerned, Emily, you don't know anything!"

It was like their fight in Texas, except this time there were spectators. For the sake of keeping up appearances, neither Emily nor Spencer were willing to break. Sick of all the eyes on them and knowing that Emily was probably right, but too proud to admit it, Spencer grabbed his leather messenger bag and left the BAU.

* * *

Spencer had always liked to do the deepest of his thinking in the privacy of his own apartment, but since Jemma, the main topic of his thoughts at the moment was there, he had to find somewhere else to think about her. So he walked around town aimlessly with nothing but his thoughts to accompany him.

Why was his personal life Emily's business? What he confided in Derek was not for her to judge. She was wrong about his intentions too. Spencer did not want to date Jemma just to prove he was a man and he didn't want her to make up for any of the love he had not received from his parents. He just wanted to be with her. Why? Well, he wasn't really sure why he wanted to be with Jemma. She was beautiful, smart, funny, and she made him happy. What other reasons did he need? Spencer wished that everyone would leave him alone and stop assuming things. Of course, if they left him alone, he wouldn't have anyone to ask for advice, but if that was the price he had to pay, so be it.

Why had Jemma acted the way she did on their date anyway? Spencer knew it had to be because he was boring that she had decided to get so drunk.

Maybe Emily was right though. Maybe Jemma just wasn't ready to get into a relationship after what had happened to her. Spencer had thought he had a pretty accurate idea of how much pain Jemma was actually trying to hide from him, but maybe he was wrong. He realized that the only way to get the truth and to resolve this was to do something that scared him more than elevators or the dark, he would have to talk to Jemma.

Spencer took a deep breath, gathered his strength and headed back to his apartment, ready to confront Jemma.

* * *

Even before he put the key in the lock, Spencer sensed that something was wrong. The apartment was eerily quiet when he opened the door. His first thought was that Jemma had finally broke after the tension between the two of them and had decided to finally put an end to the pain she felt. His fears were silenced when he found Jemma laying on the couch after frantically scanning the room with his dark brown eyes.

"Jemma, what's wrong?" he asked, going to the couch where she laid lethargically staring into space.

No response.

"Jemma, what happened?" Spencer asked. "Come on, answer me, please Jem? Please?"

Jemma brought her eyes to meet Spencer's then closed them and shook her head.

"Please?" Spencer begged.

With her eyes still shut, Jemma opened her hand which was dangling off the couch. Something fell out of it and Spencer reached out to catch it. He brought the handful of cold metal to his face for a closer look. It was a set of dog tags, Joseph Cavanaugh's dog tags. Jemma's brother, her only living relative was dead.

A loud sob escaped Jemma and Spencer returned the dog tags to her. She put the around her neck and kept a tight grip on them as she continued to cry. Spencer took her in his arms and leaned his back against the bottom of the couch. He sat on the floor, holding Jemma until she stopped crying. When Jemma was finished, Spencer helped her limp to the bedroom. She laid on the bed and rested her head on the pillow. Spencer attempted to lay beside her, but Jemma just shook her head. He nodded in understanding and wrapped his arms tightly around her for a brief moment before leaving the room.

* * *

**A/N: Yes, another short one. You guys got two in one day though. **

**Anyway, let me know what you think. **

**Au revoir!**


	19. Chapter 19

_Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing except my OCs and plot. I am not making money off of this. _

**The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost. - Gilbert K. Chesterton**

* * *

The next few days, being in Spencer's apartment was like walking on eggshells. He had no desire to upset Jemma and with no idea as to what could upset her, he figured it was best not to take any chances. Jemma spent her time laying in bed, not eating, not talking, not moving. Spencer tried several times to get her out of bed, but his attempts did not yield any results. So when he was not at work, Spencer hid in his office, burying himself in his work, but keeping an ear open for Jemma, expecting her to call out for him to comfort her, but the call never came.

By the end of the third day, Spencer had reached his breaking point. Worried and stressed, he had no idea how to get Jemma to move so he decided to call for help.

"Hello?" he heard on the other end of the phone line.

"Hi, is this Shawna?" Spencer asked. "Shawna Dealer?"

"Yes." Shawna replied. "Who's this?"

"Uh... this is Spencer Reid, from the FBI..."

"Oh, Spencer!" Shawna exclaimed. "Why are you calling? Wait- Is Jemma OK? What's going on? What aren't you telling me?"

Spencer was surprised by Shawna's intuition. "She's uh... she's not doing too well." he said. "She just found out that her brother died in Iraq and she hasn't even moved since she heard. She hasn't ate, she hasn't said a word... I don't know what to do."

"Let me talk to her." Shawna ordered.

Spencer walked down the hallway toward the bedroom. He opened the door slowly. He saw Jemma laying under the blankets, staring into space, still clutching Joey's dog tags.

"Jem?" Spencer said timidly. "Jemma, Shawna wants to talk to you."

Jemma looked up at him and took the phone from his hands. She continued to stare at Spencer, pleading with her eyes for him to leave the room. Thankfully, he got the hint and returned to his office.

About half an hour later, Spencer heard the sound of footsteps coming down the hallway. He turned around to see Jemma leaning against the door frame. She had taken a shower and was now dressed in a purple tank-top and a pair of black short shorts that accentuated her long legs. Spencer knew that this was certainly not the time to be observing Jemma's beauty, but he couldn't resist. As inconspicuously as he could, he looked Jemma up and down.

"Hey." she said quietly.

"Hi." Spencer said.

Jemma took a seat on the couch across from him and stared at her toes which had been painted black since she had arrived at Spencer's apartment.

"What did Shawna say?" Spencer asked.

"Nothing." Jemma replied. "Girl talk."

Spencer highly doubted that it had been just "girl talk" in this grave of a situation.

"Jemma, I know you're grieving, but you can't just shut down for three days, you'll kill yourself." Spencer said.

Jemma looked him in his dark brown eyes. "What if I want to?" she said.

"No!" Spencer cried. He got out of his chair and knelt on the floor in front of Jemma. "Please don't say that Jemma, please." he begged, taking her hands in his.

"Why do you care?" Jemma spat, taking her hands back.

"Because I do!" Spencer insisted as Jemma stood up and stormed out of the room.

Spencer followed her down the hallway to the living room.

"I don't know why I care about you, but I do, Jem, I swear." he said, grabbing hold of Jemma's wrist as she tried to walk out the door.

"Just stop, Spencer!" she yelled. "All you see is the old Jemma, but she's gone! Just forget about everything I was because I'll never be like that again!"

"No! I'm not giving up on you, Jem!" Spencer argued. "I've already lost too many people I care about, I'm not going to lose you! I... I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." he added quietly.

"You've lost too many people you care about? What about me?" Jemma yelled. "Everyone I care about is dead! My family, my best friend, my _dogs_! I've lost everything! Anyone I love dies and I don't want that to happen to you!"

"Did you just admit that you... you love me?" Spencer asked in shock.

Jemma looked like a deer caught in the headlights. "N-no." she stuttered.

"But you just-"

"No!" Jemma screamed. "If I love you, I'll lose you! I hate you! I hate myself! I hate everything! Why did you have to save me? I should have died! I'd be better off that way!"

For a moment, Spencer saw Tracy Evans when he looked at Jemma, but he refused to let her break. He took her in his arms and let her sob into his chest.

"Spencer, I'm sorry." Jemma apologized. "I don't hate you. I just wanted to hurt you. I just..."

"I know, Jem, I know. It's OK." Spencer assured her, rubbing her back.

Without even realizing what he was doing, Spencer carried Jemma down the hallway to his bedroom. He assumed his instincts were taking over and decided to just go with it. He actually didn't know he even had instincts until now, he always analyzed every aspect of a situation before taking any kind of action.

Spencer set Jemma down gently on the bed. Part of him wanted to step back and assess the situation before he proceed any further, but Jemma kept a tight grip on him. Maybe it was hormones or maybe it was a pathetic attempt to get Jemma to stop crying, but Spencer pressed him lips against hers.

Instead of pushing him away, Jemma welcomed the kiss. She parted her lips and allowed him to enter. Jemma entwined her finger's in Spencer's hair as they continued to kiss.

"Spencer..." Jemma moaned.

"Jemma..."

"Spencer, please." she begged. The heat between them had become too much, it needed to progress or stop all together.

Spencer pulled away from her. "Are you sure. Jemma? I mean, you don't have to. After what you've been through... We can wait... The other night..."

"Spencer, I needed you to say no to me that night." Jemma explained. "I needed you to show me that not everyone is after that. I want it now though. I need it."

"Are you sure?" Spencer asked again.

Jemma nodded. Spencer kissed her collar bone tenderly and Jemma's breath hitched.

"If you want me to stop, just say so." Spencer said.

Jemma gave him a quick nod to show him she understood. Spencer continued to leave a trail of soft kisses to her navel then he slid her shorts off of her.

Jemma tensed up, she was terrified. She trusted Spencer. She knew he wouldn't hurt her and she wanted this, _needed_ this. She had to know that sex didn't have to be a bad thing. People had sex when they were attracted to eachother, or cared about eachother, or loved eachother. It wasn't meant to hurt. Jemma knew this in her mind, but she needed her body to know it too.

Jemma arched her back, allowing Spencer to get her underwear off of her. He pulled her tank-top off of her, apologizing for the unnecessary force he used thanks to his uncontrollable hormones. Jemma accepted his apology with a rough kiss on the lips.

Spencer pulled away after a moment. Not that he didn't want the kiss, he wanted it more than anything, but he knew now, looking at Jemma's naked body, still covered in the scars left by the bastard who attacked her that this needed to be slow and gentle. He needed to show Jemma that he cared about her and would not hurt her. No one would hurt her as long as he was around.

Jemma grabbed Spencer's hand and pulled him back to her. She unbuckled his belt while he removed his vest and threw it across the room. Jemma grasped his tie and pulled him to her lips as he kicked off his pants and his briefs. Panting, Jemma loosened Spencer's tie and unbuttoned his shirt. He rapidly tore them both off and threw them across the room.

With one hand on Jemma's hip and one behind her head, Spencer pulled Jemma as close as he could. She parted her legs and wrapped them around his waist. He entered her and she let out a stifled scream.

It was not a scream of fear, Jemma was shocked and it hurt a little bit. Spencer being as self-conscious as he was, assumed he had done something wrong and stopped.

"I'm sorry, Jem." he apologized.

"Don't be, it's fine." Jemma panted with tears in her eyes. "Don't stop."

Spencer kissed her softly on the forehead and continued, rocking her hips in time with his. Jemma continued to cry. Spencer showed his concern by removing his hand from her hair and wiping at her tears with his thumb. Jemma gave him a quick smile and kissed him to assure him that everything was fine.

They stared into eachother's eyes the entire time. Spencer looked different than Jemma had ever seen him. Typically, his mind was always on something and she could see the distraction in his eyes. Now his eyes were clear of all distractions, she was the only thing on his mind. No one had ever looked at Jemma like that before.

As Jemma felt herself reaching her climax, she dug her nails into Spencer's back, closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip.

"Spencer..." she moaned.

Hearing Jemma say his name with so much desire in her voice sent Spencer over the edge. He quickened his pace and finished, kissing her cheekbone before rolling off of her, onto his side of the bed.

Jemma assumed her usual position in Spencer's arms. She kissed his chest appreciatively before she rested her head on it. Spencer silently stroked her hair and after a few barely noticeable kisses, he shut his eyes and fell asleep.

Jemma could not sleep though, the tears were still streaming from her eyes. For a brief moment, they were tears of sadness. By willing having sex, she had disgraced God even more than she had when she was raped. Nothing about this felt wrong though. Jemma felt the happiest she had since she was attacked. Spencer made Jemma feel like she was whole again, like she was normal. Tonight they had given eachother the care and attention they both so desperately needed. Maybe, just maybe Jemma would love herself again. Maybe she would get past everything that had happened to her and live a happy, normal life. Maybe.

As Jemma closed her eyes, she felt hopeful for the first time since she had lost her family. She smiled and wrapped her arms tighter around Spencer as if she would lose this feeling if she let him go.

* * *

_**A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love. - Stendhal**_

**A/N: About damn time, eh? I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I don't think I've ever written a sex scene all the way through except for the rape scene between the Beast and Jemma, so I hope I did alright. It's hard to know what the hell you're writing when all you have to go on is what you've seen on TV and what your friends have told you about the subject. **

**Anywho, reviews would be greatly appreciated. Let me know what you think of everything so far. I'm getting closer and closer to what I plan to be the end (in my mind anyway, not so much what I've published, so don't worry, it'll be awhile yet.), but there's still a few spots where I'm like, "What the hell am I going to do with this?" And right after this chapter would be one of those times. I guess I have an idea of where I'm headed with this, but I'm still attempting to piece it together in my head. It's like I need to build a bridge from here to where I'm going next and fill in some missing pieces on the other side of the bridge. *sigh***

**Anyway, I must be going now. Bon nuit! Au revoir!**


	20. Chapter 20

_Disclaimer: I own nothing except my OCs and plot._

**Everything has been figured out, except how to live. - Jean-Paul Sartre**

* * *

"Hey kid," Derek greeted Spencer the next morning as he entered the bullpen. "What happened?"

Spencer shot him a puzzled look as he sat down at his desk. "Happened?" he repeated. "What do you mean?"

"Well, just yesterday, you looked like you were ready to snap." Derek said, getting up from his own desk and walking over to Spencer's. "Today you're grinning like a damn fool and you're the last one in, that never happens. So... what happened?"

"Nothing. I got stuck on the Metro and there was a really long line at Starbuck's." Spencer lied.

"Yeah, I'd believe that," Derek said. "If you were holding a Starbuck's cup and not a travel mug full of what I assume is the leftover coffee from them breakfast Jemma made you."

"How do you-"

"I'm a profiler, Reid." Derek reminded him. "So, what happened? Did you get some last night?"

"Hey, leave the poor kid alone!" Dave laughed, walking past the pair of profilers.

"I don't think he's a kid anymore, Rossi!" Derek called after him. "Hey, maybe you should give him the Talk!"

"The Talk?" Spencer repeated. "What talk?"

"No thanks, I'll leave that one up to you, Morgan!" Dave called back before locking himself in his office.

"What talk?" Spencer whined.

Derek rolled his eyes. "You know, like 'Wear a condom' kind of stuff?"

"Oh." Spencer blushed. "Keep it down, Hotch might hear us!"

"So? You and Jemma are both consenting adults."

"Yeah, but I'm supposed to be taking care of her, keeping her safe." Spencer whispered. "I could lose my job! There are rules against sleeping with victims, Morgan."

Morgan laughed. "Guess I should've given you the Talk earlier then, huh?"

* * *

"So, what happened?" Emily asked Jemma as she took a sip of her coffee.

"Wh-what do you mean?" Jemma stalled, trying to maintain her innocence. How the hell did Emily know her and Spencer had had sex? Had he told her? That wasn't possible, Spencer turned bright red and choked up when Jemma had mentioned it that morning, no way could he have told Emily. Was Jemma really that obvious? Could Emily read it on her face?

"I haven't heard from you in three days." Emily said. "What happened?"

Jemma contained a sigh of relief then remembered what actually had happened. She felt tears beginning to form in her eyes, but clutched Joey's dog tags and fought them back.

"My... my brother died in Iraq." Jemma said. "Roadside bomb."

Jemma took a deep breath, saying it out loud made it real. Being numb to it had been easier.

"Oh God, Jemma." Emily gasped. "I'm so sorry."

Jemma shrugged. "It's not like I didn't know there'd be risks associated with him joining the army, I just can't believe it would happen now."

"So I guess you'll be staying with Reid a little while longer?" Emily said.

Jemma had not thought of it like that. Not that she was thankful for her brother's death, but she was now looking forward to having more time with Spencer.

Jemma smiled. "Yeah, I guess I will be."

"What are grinning about?" Emily asked. "Wait, did you...?"

Jemma laughed and blushed. "Yeah."

Emily made a gagging noise and looked repulsed.

"Hey, he's not that bad!" Jemma defended Spencer.

"Jemma, he's my coworker! I don't want to hear this!" Emily begged.

"Sorry," Jemma blushed. "I just needed to tell someone. Oh, Emily, it was so great-"

"Stop!" Emily ordered. "I do not need that mental image!"

"Sorry." Jemma apologized again before Emily's cell phone began to ring.

"Hey Hotch." she answered. "OK... Miami?... Alright, see you in twenty." Emily hung up and looked apologetically to Jemma. "I'm sorry, Jem, we've got a case."

Jemma nodded in understanding. Living with Spencer, she was used to things being interrupted by cases now. "Can you give me a ride back to Quantico? I want to say goodbye to Spencer."

"Sure." Emily agreed.

* * *

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Spencer asked Jemma as she stepped into the bullpen.

"Just came to say goodbye." Jemma replied.

Spencer wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry."

Jemma kissed his neck, sending a shiver down his spine. "Don't be." she laughed. "Just come home safe, OK?"

Spencer nodded and kissed the top of Jemma's head. "I'll call you the first chance I get." he promised then followed the rest of the BAU out the door.

* * *

"So, looks like Jemma's going to be staying a little longer than planned." Emily said to Spencer as they walked down the hotel corridor, exhausted after spending their day chasing the unsub through Miami.

"Oh, she told you?"

Emily nodded. "Yeah. She told me something else too."

"What did she tell you?" Spencer asked, hoping it was not what he feared it was.

"Something I really wish she hadn't." Emily replied.

Speechless, Spencer came to a full stop in the hallway.

"Don't worry, it's not like I'm going to tell anyone." Emily assured him. "But you need to be careful not to hurt her, and you really need to figure out a long-term plan."

"What do you mean?" Spencer asked as Emily unlocked the door to her room.

Emily sighed and entered the room. Spencer followed her, assuming that he had been invited. They'd been having a conversation and had not yet finished, of course he was allowed to enter her hotel room, right?

Emily was not shocked that Spencer had invited himself in, but kind of hoped that by now he'd at least have gained enough social graces to understand you can't just walk into someone's personal space without being invited. She knew there was no use in arguing with him, he would just try to validate his behaviour with what he perceived to be social standards.

"What I meant is that if Jemma's going to continue to stay with you, she can't just spend all day locked up in your apartment." Emily said.

Spencer sighed and sat on one of the beds. "Isn't it safer for her to stay inside?" he asked. "The unsub's still out there and we know he's after her."

"It's been about a month and nothing's happened to her." Emily pointed out. "Besides, Garcia's keeping tabs on absolutely everything that could lead us to him. There's not a trace though, for all we know, he could have died, gotten hit by a bus or struck by lightning."

"Statistically speaking-"

"No! I don't want to hear statistics, Reid." Emily cut him off. "You need to be thinking realistically, not statistically here."

Spencer sighed. "I know you're right, Emily." he confessed. "You usually are, I just... I've never had to deal with something like this and I don't know what I'm doing."

Emily gave him a puzzled look. "You don't understand how to handle a rape victim with PTSD?"

"No, I know how to do _that_!" Spencer said. "I don't know how to handle a relationship."

"That's not what we're talking about here, Reid. Plus, it's not a relationship just because you had sex once."

Spencer opened his mouth to protest, but he knew it would do no good. Besides, Emily was more knowledgeable in that area anyway, but, so used to being the smartest person wherever he went, Spencer's natural instinct was to prove himself right. He had been certain though that having sex with Jemma meant that they were dating now. Had it not meant to her what it had meant to him?

"It... it's not?" he asked.

"No, it's not." Emily said, crossing her arms and tapping her toes, impatiently wait for him to understand the things she was trying to tell him. "Anyway, Jemma needs a life. She won't get past this by sitting around with nothing to do and no one to talk to."

"She talks to me, and you, and her therapist." Spencer said.

"Yeah, me who's almost old enough to be her mother, her therapist who just nods and says 'How do you feel about that?' and you, don't even get me started about you! I'm surprised she hasn't killed you yet, to be honest."

"Why would she do that?" Spencer asked.

Emily groaned. "Because you're you. Anyway, that's not the point I'm trying to make. What I'm saying is that you need to make her life here seem more permanent since it is now. She needs stability and friends and something to do. That's how she's going to heal."

Spencer nodded, finally understanding what Emily was telling him. Jemma wasn't a pet that he just had to feed and water, she was a person and she needed so much more than that.

"What am I supposed to do?" Spencer asked.

Emily shrugged. "Get her a job, make her go back to college. I don't know, you're the genius, you figure it out. I'm just telling you this because I want her to get better. I know that you want that to, but you see her from a romantic point of view and it's biased."

"I-"

"Shut up and let me finish, Reid!" Emily said. "There's nothing wrong with how you feel about Jemma, in fact, I think she may actually need that right now, but it has made you biased. You don't want to see her get hurt anymore, so you'd rather just keep her locked away so that can't happen. My opinion's a little less biased. Let her out. Hiding from everything that could hurt her is not going to help her heal."

Spencer nodded, but Emily could see the doubt in his eyes.

"It's like germs." she explained, hoping the poor genius would finally get it.

"Germs?" Spencer repeated.

"Yeah, with germs, exposure to the lesser ones helps you build up an immunity for when you have to fight the bigger ones."

Emily smiled when she saw Spencer's eyes light up the way they did when he figured something out.

"Thanks Emily." he said, getting off the bed. "Thank you so much. I have to go call Jemma now."

* * *

Jemma yawned and shut off the television. She had been watching a marathon of Jennifer Aniston rom-coms, well, staring at the screen in hopes of distracting her mind was more like it. Jemma knew that Spencer worked late while on a case, but never this late. She did the best she could to silence her irrational fears until sleep began to take over.

With a yawn and a stretch, Jemma stood up and checked to make sure the door was locked and the security system activated. She limped down the hallway to the bedroom – _their_ bedroom? Jemma slipped out of her shorts and pulled on a pair of pyjama pants. She then slipped between the sheets of the bed, which she had neglected to wash after the previous night. Jemma snuggled deep beneath the covers, she swore she could still feel the heat of Spencer's body there. She felt safe, almost as safe as she would if Spencer were actually there.

Just moments after drifting off to sleep, Jemma was roused by the ringing of the phone. She reached to the nightstand and fumbled blindly for the phone.

"Hello?" Jemma answered.

"Hey," Spencer said. "You're still awake."

"Kind of." Jemma mumbled.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'll let you go back to sleep." Spencer apologized.

"No, it's OK. I was waiting for you to call."

"Alright." Spencer said. "So, how are you?"

"I'm fine. How's the case?" Jemma asked.

Spencer bit his lip. He hated when Jemma asked about his cases. It was bad enough that she herself was a case, but it scared him that she genuinely wanted to know about the horror he face every day.

"Like all the others." he replied, hoping she would drop the subject.

"You're safe though, right?" Jemma asked.

Spencer smiled at the slight bit of the old Jemma that was returning. She always cared more about his safety than her own. "Yes, I'm safe." he replied.

"Do you know when you'll be home?"

"No, not yet."

"I miss you." Jemma said. "I have something planned for when you come home."

"I miss you too, Jem. Get some sleep, I'll call you tomorrow."

* * *

**A/N: Just some friendly banter, not much action. Oh well, something big is coming, just wait for it.**

**Thank you for reading, don't forget to review!**

**Au revoir!**


	21. Chapter 21

_Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, not even close. I do own Jemma and my OCs and my plot, so don't touch 'em._

**We shall heal our wounds, collect our dead and continue fighting. - Mao Tse-Tung**

* * *

When Jemma awoke the next morning feeling more energetic than she had since she was attacked. Wanting to take full advantage of this sudden burst of energy, she sprung out of bed and headed straight to the shower. After her shower, Jemma cleaned the apartment from top to bottom, something she and Spencer had both neglected to do while she was catatonic.

Next came something that Jemma knew absolutely had to be done. She went to Spencer's office, trying not to look at the open case files on his desk as she pushed them aside and booted up the computer. Jemma spent the next few hours browsing job listing sites, but there was not much worth looking at. With only a high school diploma and two years of college, there were not many jobs that Jemma was actually qualified for. Maybe she was being too picky, but Jemma refused to work in another restaurant. In fact, she did not want to have much to do with people, which of course, ruled out most minimum wage jobs. Just when she thought she might have to end up selling Avon, the perfect job came across the screen. Jemma eagerly picked up the phone and called to set up an interview for the afternoon.

* * *

Weapons raised, Spencer, Emily, and Derek entered the condemned Miami apartment building, assisted by several SWAT men. Just as they had predicted, the unsub was hiding on the thirteenth floor. The deranged man had his pistol raised when the FBI agents entered the door. Derek attempted to distract the unsub by talking to him until the sniper in the neighbouring building could get a clear shot, but it was no use, the unsub fired three bullets before the sniper could take him down.

* * *

Jemma bounced excitedly into the apartment. Her interview had been excellent and she had been offered the job at the library. It was perfect; quiet, above minimum wage, and she got to spend all day surrounded by books. She couldn't wait until Spencer called so she could tell him the good news. To kill the time, Jemma made herself some supper then settled into the couch with a book on Greek mythology. When Jemma got bored with the book, she switched on the television and tuned into the eleven o'clock news. Her heart stopped when she heard the anchor speak.

"Three FBI agents were killed in Miami today when..."

Jemma couldn't breathe. The team was in Miami. Spencer was in Miami...

Jemma tried as hard as she could to choke back the tears. This was what she feared would happen from the day she moved in with Spencer. Everyone she cared about had to die. She wondered who the other two agents were. It would pain her to lose any of them. She was lost. All alone in the world now. Spencer was gone, her friends were gone, what would she do?

Her panicking ceased when the door to the apartment opened and Spencer walked in. Jemma jumped off the couch and flung her arms around him, sobbing.

"Jemma? What's wrong?" Spencer asked.

"I just saw the news." she cried against his neck. "I thought you died."

"No, I'm right here, Jem." he assured her.

"What about the team?" Jemma sniffled. "Is Emily OK?"

"Yes, Jemma, everyone's fine." Spencer said. "The unsub killed three SWAT members."

"Oh, Spencer..." Jemma continued to sob.

"Jemma, I'm here, I'm alive, why are you still crying?" Spencer asked.

"Because I'm scared, Spencer." Jemma replied. "I thought I lost you and it scared me because I realized that I need you and I've never needed anyone before."

Spencer kissed the top of Jemma's head. "I know, Jemma, I know exactly how you feel. I've never needed anyone before you."

"Since when do you need me?" Jemma asked, looking into Spencer's eyes. "I don't do anything for you."

Spencer pulled her closer. "Before you came along, I wasn't happy. All I could think about were the dark things I saw at work every day. You distract me from all of that."

Jemma blushed. She never knew she could mean so much to anyone.

"Jemma, we need to talk." Spencer sighed, loosening his grip so he could look her in the eyes.

A lump rose in Jemma's through. "OK," she said nervously, biting her lip. "About what?"

"You're going to be staying here for awhile longer." Spencer said. "It's uh... it's not really helpful to your recovery if you spend all day locked up in this apartment."

"One step ahead of you, darlin'." Jemma grinned. "I got a new job today."

"Really? That's great, Jem! Congratulations!" Spencer said, relieved that he would not have to force Jemma to do anything.

"Wanna go celebrate?" Jemma asked.

Spencer looked perplexed. "Jemma, it's almost midnight, where could we possibly go to celebrate?"

Jemma giggled. "We don't have to leave the apartment to celebrate." she hinted.

"Uh... I think there might be a bottle of wine in the back of the cupboard somewhere." Spencer said.

Jemma giggled once more. "Sounds, good, but that's not exactly what I had in mind."

She was surprising herself at how flirtatious she was being. She just wished Spencer would get what she was hinting at.

"I... I don't know what you mean." Spencer confessed.

Jemma sighed. "Sex, Spencer. I mean sex."

Spencer blushed, embarrassed for not catching on.

After what had happened between them the night before last, Spencer had been thinking about the situation whenever his mind was not occupied with the unsub in Miami. He was afraid that it had been a one time thing, that Jemma in her unstable state of mind would not want to be with him like that again. He was unsure of his own feelings about the situation as well. He had never just given into his more human desires like that before. Sure he had had sex several times before, attempts to sort out his own confusion, attempts to impress a certain Hollywood starlet, early rebellion against his intellect, but none of them had been very remarkable to him.

Jemma was different though. When they made love (Was that even what you'd call it? Neither of them had said the "L" word, but Spencer didn't think the act deserved a lesser title.), he felt as if some void had been filled in him, a void he had never knew was there until he met Jemma. He wanted that feeling again. In fact, he never wanted to stop feeling that feeling, but he knew that was probably the ex-drug addict inside him talking. Spencer was worried however that he would be taking advantage of Jemma by repeating the act, but seeing her tonight erased almost every doubt from his mind.

Jemma was back. Strong, determined, sweet Jemma. She was almost just as Spencer remembered her from before she was attacked. He was confident now that she would recover from the traumatic event.

Impatient, something Jemma rarely ever was, she took Spencer by the hand and pulled him down the hallway to the bedroom.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, short one, I know. I just wanted Jemma to realize things and to show everyone she's getting better. Also, I wanted to have Spencer express his feelings about their whole situation. Don't worry though, this is nowhere near the end of Jemma and Spencer's journey and there's some intense stuff coming up pretty soon. **

**Anyway, expect a lot more frequent updates from me since I found out last night that I'm now only working four hours a week. Yep, living on $30 a week. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get through the week let alone have enough left over to save for university now. I'm feeling a major connection with Jemma right now, something I haven't felt in awhile. I guess I'm going to have to take a lesson from her and try to stay positive about this. *Sigh***

**On a brighter note, for all the Threshold series fans, I have broken my writer's block a bit and I have enough initial planning of the next chapter to begin writing it when I get the chance. So, keep your eyes open for more crazy Grace drama.**

**So, please review! Your reviews are the sunshine in my life.**


	22. Chapter 22

_Disclaimer: I own nothing except Jemma, the rest of my OCs and my plot._

**We acquire the strength we have overcome. - Ralph Waldo Emerson**

* * *

Jemma clenched and unclenched her fists repeatedly as Emily's sleek, silver sedan rolled up the driveway of her old home. The home where she had grew up, learned to ride a bike, where Joey had showed her how to throw a football. She had broken her leg when she had been bucked off of her horse here when she was nine. That same horse had been sold several years later when Jemma's mother had first gotten sick. It was in this house that Jemma watched her mother's body shut down until the cancer finally won. This house was the one her father came home drunk to every night and beat her. This was the house where she had watched her family be killed in front of her eyes and raped by the Beast.

Jemma took a deep breath. She could do this. Shawna had called a cleaning crew in a week after the incident, so there would be no physical reminders of what had transpired that fateful night.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Emily asked.

When Jemma had asked her to drive her to Oklahoma, Emily had thought it would be a great leap forward in her recovery to be able to revisit the scene of the crime. The thought of Jemma and Reid together made Emily gag, but nasty as the thought was was, she was thankful for whatever it was the awkward genius had done to bring back Jemma. Since Reid and Jemma had... become closer, Jemma's recovery had sped up considerably. She was less clingy, less jumpy, happier and getting her life back on track with her job at the library and resuming her studies online.

"Yeah, I'm ready." Jemma said, unbuckling her seatbelt, but waiting for Emily to get out of the vehicle first.

Reid had opposed the idea as soon as Jemma had brought it up. Emily had felt awkward to be present for that fight. Reid had argued that it was dangerous and could hinder Jemma's recovery. Emily thought he sounded like a possessive and over-protective boyfriend. Jemma would not bend though. She claimed the only way to get past this was to go back, besides, she wanted pictures of her family, some of her warmer clothes, and a necklace of her mother's.

When it became apparent that Jemma would not be obeying Spencer's orders, he had insisted on going with the girls to Morrow Springs. Jemma refused to accept this as well, she argued that she needed to know she could be strong without him. Seeing the truth in what Jemma was saying, Spencer backed off, but had called Emily's phone twenty-two times before she finally shut it off in Tennessee.

By the second day of their trip, Emily began to worry that Jemma might not actually be ready for this after she had begged Emily to pull over on the side of the highway so she could vomit. The poor girl must be a nervous wreck inside, Emily had thought.

Emily got out of the car and Jemma followed. Jemma slipped a small silver key from her pocket and turned it in the door.

"You can still turn around." Emily said.

Jemma shook her head and turned the doorknob. She took a deep breath and stepped into the house. Emily observed her closely, watching for any sign of distress. Jemma floated straight through the foyer and to her bedroom while Emily followed with one of the many cardboard boxes that Shawna had dropped off for them.

Once Jemma threw her few articles of clothing into a box, she scanned her room for her favourite personal items; a few pieces of jewelry, several books and journals, and her extensive collection of nail polish and threw them in another box. Every photograph that graced the walls of the bedroom was thrown in the same box as the nail polish and books. Emily went to the living room to pack up all the photo albums there so that Jemma would not have to look at the faint red stains on the carpet.

Now that Jemma was here, she had no idea what else to take. It was not like she actually needed anything, Spencer provided her with everything she needed, but she had thought there would be more items of personal significance. She could imagine Spencer ranting on about how so many memories would cause her to think there would be numerous items associated with them.

That's when it came to her. She considered for a moment calling Emily to help her retrieve this last item, but then decided against it. This whole trip will have been for nothing if she caved in and asked for a hand to hold.

Jemma left her bedroom and crept to the end of the hallway. She bit back her fear and pushed open the door of her parents' bedroom, the room in which she had been raped and stabbed multiple times after watching her little sister be murdered.

She ignored the bed, but saw it in the mirror above the dresser anyway. It had been stripped of the bloody sheets which Jemma prayed were burned and not washed and returned to the linen closet. The comforter that had replaced the soiled one had been her mother's favourite, mint green with gold details.

Taking that as a positive omen, Jemma slowly and carefully opened her mother's jewellery box. She searched through the tangle of chains until she found the necklace she was looking for.

* * *

_"Hey, Mommy?" the small redheaded girl called across the room to her mother who was busy digging through her closet for her only pair of heels, the ones she had worn on her wedding day._

_"What, baby?" the taller, older redhead asked, tossing her head back to check on her six-year-old daughter._

_"Which one of these is your favourite?" the little girl asked._

_Her mother slipped into her shoes and strode across the room to where her daughter sat on the bed, jewellery box open and a mess of silver and gold spread out in front of her. Louise Cavanaugh sat on the bed, put an arm around her daughter and kissed the top of her head._

_"Mmm... This one." she said, pulling a gold chain and pendant from the knot her daughter had created. _

_"Why?" Jemma asked, examining the pendant in her small hand._

_The pendant was gold and heart shaped. The centre was a light pink stone with the word "Mom" scrawled across it in black._

_"Well, your great-grandma gave it to her mom then she gave it back when she became a mom. Then when your grandma had your daddy, her mom gave it her. Since your aunt has no children and I don't have a mommy, your grandma gave it to me when I had Joey."_

_"It's pretty." Jemma said, still looking at the pendant._

_"Yep," Louise said, "And it'll be yours when you become a mommy."_

_"When's that?" Jemma asked, looking up at her mother._

_Louise laughed. "Not for a long time, baby." She wrapped her arm around her daughter and planted a kiss on her cheek "I love you, Jemma."_

_Jemma wiped the kiss off her cheek and giggled. "I love you too, Mommy."_

* * *

Jemma smiled and slipped the necklace into her pocket. She was not a mother yet, but she needed a piece of her mother with her to get through this ordeal.

"Hey, you ready?" Emily asked, poking her head into the room.

"Yeah," Jemma said, turning around as if she had just been caught doing some terrible deed. "Let's get this stuff in the car."

Emily gave Jemma a smile and began carrying boxes to the car. It was not long before the car was full and the girls were ready to go. Emily switched her phone back on and found twenty-some more missed calls from Reid and several texts.

"Think we should call the poor boy and let him know you're alive?" Emily asked.

Her question was replied with a gagging sound. She looked for Jemma and found her vomiting in a dying rosebush.

"Hey, are you OK?" Emily asked.

Jemma coughed and spat on the ground. She shook her head in negation. Emily reached into the glove compartment of her car and offered Jemma a napkin.

"Nerves?" Emily asked as she watched the redhead wipe her mouth.

Jemma shook her head again. "Uh... Emily, can we make a stop on the way home?" she asked.

* * *

"Hey, how was the trip? Are you alright? Did everything go OK? Get everything you needed?" Spencer asked as Emily and Jemma got out of the car in the parking lot of his building.

Jemma smiled. "For a genius, you sure ask a lot of questions." she teased. "Miss me much?"

"So much." Spencer admitted, pulling Jemma into a tight hug.

Jemma giggled and rubbed noses with Spencer. "I missed you too." she said.

"OK, can we enforce a six-inch rule when I'm around?" Emily asked, walking past the pair with a box in her hands.

Jemma sighed and broke free of Spencer's grasp. She went to the back of the car and lifted a box out.

"Hey, no heavy lifting for you." Emily said, half teasing, half serious.

Jemma shot her a dirty look she never thought the sweet, innocent girl was capable of.

"She's right, Jem," Spencer butted in, taking the box from her hands. "You've had a long trip and you're probably emotionally exhausted. You should go upstairs and get some rest, I'll handle these.

Jemma rolled her eyes and shot Emily another dirty look before heading inside. When she was safe inside the bedroom, she changed into her pyjamas and crawled into bed.

* * *

The next thing Jemma knew, the morning sun was shining through the curtains and onto her face. She yawned and stretched then snuggled closer into Spencer who was laying on his side, curled up against her back with a hand resting gently on her stomach. The feeling gave her butterflies. Of course, those butterflies had to go and ruin the moment by churning her stomach.

Jemma hopped out of bed, causing Spencer to groaned. She bolted to the washroom and emptied her stomach into the toilet. After she scrubbed her mouth clean and gargled some water, Jemma returned to bed.

"Good morning." Spencer greeted her and she found her way back into his arms and the warms blankets.

"Too late, I've already got off to a bad start." Jemma grumbled.

"What's wrong?" Spencer asked, propping himself up on his elbow. "Are you sick?"

"Yeah, I'm sick." Jemma said, her tone almost bitter and sarcastic, but not enough that the socially retarded profiler could pick up on it.

"Oh, well, there's a flu going around." Spencer said innocently. "Do you want some Gravol? Tylenol? Anything?"

Jemma smiled at how concerned he was, but declined the offer. Thankfully Spencer did not pry. They laid in bed, holding eachother until hunger got the best of them and Jemma got up despite Spencer's protests and went to the kitchen to make breakfast.

When the pair finished their breakfast and had showered (Separately, Spencer had argued, how could he possibly get clean when distracted by her body?) they began unpacking Jemma's possessions. When the task (which had proved to be significantly less of a task than they had both anticipated) was complete, they curled up on the couch together and spent their Sunday afternoon watching Lord of the Rings and enjoying eachother's company.

* * *

**A/N: What's that? Do I sense a bit of mystery here? Muahahahaha. I swear, I'm probably the evilest writer of all time. Anyway, I hope these super frequent updates aren't getting people mad. I know when I subscribe to a story then get like four emails a day about updates, I get kind of frustrated like "Slow the fuck down!", but I don't know about the rest of you. **

**Anyway, the story's going to take a bit of a turn soon that I'm afraid might make some people stop reading. I hope it won't, but that's just how I tend to think.**

**So, don't forget to review! It would be really appreciated. Would it help if I begged? Please? Please? Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top?**


	23. Chapter 23

_Disclaimer: I do not own CM, but I do own Jemma, the rest of the OCs in this story, and the plot._

**Expectation is the root of all heartache. - William Shakespeare**

* * *

Jemma sighed as Spencer dragged her across the polished white floor of the drugstore.

"Spencer, why are you doing this?" Jemma whined.

"Because it's my job to protect you." Spencer replied.

Jemma rolled her eyes. "I'm pretty sure they meant protect me from the unsub, not unplanned pregnancy."

It had been three weeks since Jemma had returned from Morrow Springs. Three weeks she had been keeping this secret from Spencer. She had meant to tell him, but every time she thought it was the right moment, he had to go and ruin it by ranting about some genius thing that she had no desire to hear about. She did not want to admit it, but she was nervous about what Spencer's reaction might be.

"Jemma, we've been having intercourse for over two months now." Spencer said, a little too loudly which caused Jemma to turn bright red. "Do you have any idea the risks that are implicated and the probability of-"

"Spencer, my high school taught abstinence-only sex education." Jemma said. "One more word out of your mouth and I swear, I'll take my teachers' advice."

"Jemma please?" Spencer whined. "I just want to protect you."

"Well maybe you should have thought about that two months ago." Jemma snapped. "I'm pregnant."

Spencer looked dumbfounded. "Are... are you sure?" he asked when he was finally capable of words.

Jemma rolled her eyes. "Yes, I'm sure. I only took like four tests."

"How long have you known?" Spencer asked.

"Since I went to Oklahoma with Emily. I bought the tests on the way home." Jemma admitted.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Spencer demanded.

"Because I was afraid you'd freak out like this!"

Spencer closed his eyes and tried to gather his thoughts. "Come on, let's go home and figure this out." he sighed, taking Jemma by the hand.

* * *

"No." Jemma sobbed. "Absolutely not."

The ride home from the drugstore had been silent. Jemma and Spencer were both engrossed in their thoughts. Jemma had been sure that Spencer was just shocked and that he'd come around once he finally realized what was going on. Once they got back to the apartment and sat down to discuss the situation, Jemma discovered that she was wrong.

"Jemma, please?" Spencer begged. "Just think about it. You haven't even considered another option!"

"No!" Jemma yelled.

"Jemma, you're still getting over what happened to you, you're in no fit state to be raising a child." Spencer argued. "You've been through enough, Jem, you don't need any more pain."

"And being told to kill my baby isn't painful?"

"Jemma, that's not what I meant, I-"

"No, I know exactly what you meant, Spencer." Jemma said. "Fuck you, I'm leaving."

She stood up and went to the door.

"Wait, Jemma!" Spencer called.

"No." she said firmly. "If you don't want this baby, then you don't want me either. I hope you die, you pathetic bastard!"

Jemma ran out of the apartment and into the pouring rain. Spencer ran out behind her, but did not follow her any further than the parking lot of the building when he realize he was no wearing any shoes. He sighed and returned to his apartment.

* * *

Emily had not expected visitors on her day off, much less to find a soaking wet, shivering, pregnant redhead knocking on her door. She was beyond shocked, but it did not take a profiler to guess what had just happened.

"Quick, come in before you get sick." she ordered Jemma.

Jemma nodded and slipped inside the apartment.

"Have a seat and I'll go find you something dry to put on." Emily ordered and Jemma silently obeyed.

Emily disappeared down the hallway and returned moments later with a pair of grey sweatpants and a red sweater. She handed them to the sobbing girl and directed her to the bathroom. When Jemma emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, Emily handed her a steaming cup of coffee.

"I don't know if you're supposed to be having caffeine," she said, "But I think genetics dictate that the poor thing's already addicted to it."

Jemma forced a smile and accepted the mug with shaky hands.

"So, I take it you told Reid." Emily said, sitting across from Jemma at the table.

Jemma nodded.

"And he didn't take it as well as you would have hoped?"

Jemma nodded again. "He... he wants me to get an abortion." she said.

"Are you considering it?" Emily asked. "I mean, don't get me wrong, you're my friend and I'll stand behind you no matter what you choose, but realistically speaking, you can't afford to raise a baby, especially if Reid doesn't want to be a part of its life and you've been through so much already Jemma. Do you think you've recovered enough to take care of a baby?"

"No, I would never kill my baby." Jemma said. "I don't know who could do something like that."

"I did." Emily said.

"What? Y-you did? Oh, Emily, I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"No, it's alright, you're entitled to your opinions." Emily assured Jemma. "I was in a completely different situation than you, Jemma. I understand that you're mad at Reid, I won't press the issue."

Jemma nodded and took a sip of her coffee. "I never thought he'd react like this."

Emily bit her lip. She had not expected it either. She could imagine him freaking out in a good way then running to the nearest bookstore and buying every book he could find about babies. At the very worst, Emily thought that maybe his abandonment issues would be brought back up. She never thought Reid would tell Jemma to get an abortion, especially knowing her deep religious beliefs.

"Just give him some time." Emily advised Jemma. "You can stay here until he comes around. I'm sure he just needs some time for that giant brain of his to fully process this."

"Thank you." Jemma said tearfully and wrapped her arms around Emily. It was the first time she had initiated physical contact with anyone but Spencer since she was attacked.

* * *

**A/N: So yeah, this was the big thing I've been talking about for awhile. Thoughts?**


	24. Chapter 24

_Disclaimer: I own nothing except Jemma and my plot._

**I learned denial from my mother. I just never confronted things and if anybody did, I just would go crazy. - Tab Hunter**

* * *

Spencer entered the BAU bullpen the next morning with his clothes more mismatched than usual and his hair especially messy. Morgan would have guessed that the young genius had had an exceptionally good night if it weren't for the frown that had replaced the smile he had walked into work with every morning for the last two months.

"Hey there, Pretty Boy." Morgan greeted him. "Trouble in paradise?"

Reid shot him one of his rare angry looks and ignored the question. Morgan knew it was best not to press the kid when he gave you one of those looks so he dropped it and returned to his paperwork. His suspicions were silenced until Prentiss sat at her desk and gave Reid the dirtiest look Morgan had even seen her give anyone. He wanted to ask her what was going on, but she shot him a dirty look when he glanced at her and he decided that it was best not to ask.

The day progressed slowly after that. A thick tension filled the air between the three desks and no one spoke a word to eachother. Morgan noticed that Reid did not call to check on Jemma even once. Usually the youngest profiler called her at least four times a day. By the time their lunch break came around, Morgan noticed Reid follow Emily to the break room and decided to follow and see what he could find out.

"Is she alright?" Reid asked Emily as he spooned a copious amount of sugar into his coffee mug.

"She is now, no thanks to you." Emily said.

Reid sighed. "I didn't mean what she thought I meant. It was just a misunderstanding, Emily."

"I'm sure it was Reid." she said sarcastically.

"Please, Emily, help me." he begged desperately. "I need to talk to her."

Emily folded her arms across her chest and shook her head. "No, I'm not helping you, Reid. You need to figure this out on your own."

Reid sighed.

"I can't believe you." Emily said. "I thought you cared about Jemma then you turn around and pull something like this."

"What do you mean? She's the one who ran away yesterday."

"You told her to abort your baby!"

"Mine? You think it's mine?"

"Well who else could be the father, Reid? I thought you were a genius."

"Emily, it's not mine, it's Colwyn's."

"The unsub's?" Emily asked. "But they should have given Jemma the morning after pill at the hospital."

Spencer shook his head. "She was conscious enough to refuse it."

"Shit." Emily sighed.

"I just told her to consider other options because I don't want her to have to relive that night every time she looks at that baby. She's convinced herself it's mine though because she doesn't want to accept the alternative." Reid explained.

"Can you blame her?" Morgan asked, stepping into the conversation when he decided that Reid could use some man-to-man advice.

Reid and Prentiss looked at Morgan, shocked that someone had discovered their secret.

"After all she's been through, she just wants to move on and be happy." Morgan continued.

"She's only twenty, Morgan!" Reid said. "And she's emotionally unstable. She can't take care of a baby. It's selfish of her to think that it's going to make her happy."

"It's still not right for you to tell her to get an abortion." Morgan said.

"I didn't tell her to get an abortion!" Reid insisted. "I told her to consider _all_ her options. I _meant_ adoption, but she didn't get it and now she hates me!"

"How can you even be sure it's not yours, Reid?" Emily asked.

"Because it's not!"

"I think you need to talk to Hotch, kid." Morgan said.

"Won't he fire me?" Reid asked. "I was supposed to protect her."

"Trust me, kid, go talk to Hotch." Morgan ordered.

Reid sighed and walked away in the opposite direction of Hotch's office.

"You want him to go talk to Hotch?" Emily asked.

Morgan nodded.

"Why? He's going to get fired!"

Morgan smirked deviously. "Because Jemma's not the only one who doesn't want to accept an alternative."

Emily's eyes widened. She had already had her mind blown twice in the last twenty-four hours, but now she saw that Reid's issues with Jemma's pregnancy went far beyond the possibility that she was carrying her rapist's child.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, shortest chapter ever! I just had to explain why Reid freaked out like he did when Jemma told him she was pregnant. Anyway, I think I'll be taking a break for awhile due to crazy hectic school stuff and having to work out some ideas for this in my head. Also, I'm starting on my novel soon and it might end up taking priority. **

**Anyway, thoughts? Ideas? Criticism? Anything? Whatever you have to say, I'd love to hear it!**


	25. Chapter 25

_Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, just my OCs and plot._

**Loneliness is about the scariest thing out there. - Joss Whedon**

* * *

Reid was thankful that Prentiss and Morgan did not question where he was going after their discussion in the breakroom. He would not be seeing Hotch about this matter now, or at all if he could avoid it. What could Hotch possibly tell him except that he was fired? No, Reid was going to go fix this problem without the help of his co-workers.

With a quick flash of his FBI badge, the doorman at Emily's apartment building granted Reid entry to the complex. He took the stairs two at a time, avoiding the elevator, all the way to the tenth floor. He stopped in front of the door, unfamiliar to him, but he knew it was right from memorizing every detail of his co-workers' files. Reid took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

He grew nervous as he waited for Jemma to let him in. Remedying this misunderstanding could not cause him to be this anxious, could it? Why were his palms sweating? He was just going to tell Jemma what he actually meant, get her to agree to put the baby up for adoption, then bring her home with him. Simple, right? Jemma would surely understand and see the logic in his argument. If it was so simple, why was he afraid he might have a meltdown?

When the tall, sick-looking redhead opened the door, Reid felt a pain he had never felt before. His stomach, his chest, his throat all hurt and the dams that held back the water in his eye sockets threatened to burst. What was this? Why did he feel like he had been ripped open? Why did he want nothing but to hold Jemma and never let her go?

"I told you to go die." Jemma said flatly, one hand on the doorframe, the other on the doorknob, wedging the door between herself and the fragile-looking agent.

Reid never felt a pain like he did when she said those words. Not even when he was being tortured by Hankel, not when he was shot in the leg. She hadn't even touched him. Of course he knew that words hurt, he had learned that being a child prodigy in the Las Vegas public school system, but he had never been hurt like this. Weren't words supposed to hurt more coming from people who hated you, not the beautiful girl who had been living with you for two months?

"Jemma, I'm sorry." Reid choked.

She looked up at him with her wide, coffee brown eyes filled with tears just waiting to fall. "Do you mean it?" she asked, unable to read his facial expression.

Reid swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat and nodded. "Can we talk?" he asked.

Jemma nodded and opened the door all the way to let him in. Silently, she lead the way to Emily's couch where she sat down. Biting her lip to keep it from quivering, she waited nervously for Reid to speak.

Reid sat down on the couch beside Jemma, but kept a fair distance from her. He turned in toward her a bit and she turned to face him.

"I'm sorry that you misunderstood me yesterday, Jemma." he sighed.

Jemma's teary eyes widened. _He_ was sorry that _she_ misunderstood? What was there to misunderstand? He told her to get an abortion!

"Spencer, you-"

"Jemma, please," he interrupted. "Let me finish. This is why we fought earlier, you don't let me finish!"

Jemma clenched her fists. "Spencer-"

"Jemma!" Reid cut her off again. "Please? I didn't mean what you thought I meant. When I said 'other options', I meant adoption, not abortion. I know you don't believe in that, Jem, I'd never ask you to do that."

Jemma relaxed. OK, so maybe he had went and blamed the whole incident on her, but at least he was apologizing, right? That had to count for something. Plus, Jemma was pretty sure he had never had to apologize for anything before because this looked exceptionally painful for him. Slowly, Jemma reached out for his hand and leaned her head on his shoulder.

Reid let Jemma take his hand and put his free arm around her, rubbing her back gently as she released a couple muffled sobs into his jacket. A feeling of great relief swept over him. He had won Jemma back.

"Wait," Jemma said. "Spencer, why do you even want me to consider other options?"

She pulled away from him and looked at him with those accusing brown eyes of hers.

"I... I think you've suffered enough after what the unsub did to you, Jemma." Reid whimpered, still trying desperately to grasp Jemma as she pulled away.

"What do you mean, 'suffer'?" Jemma asked. "I lost my entire family and now I've got a chance at starting over and you're trying to tell me to just give it up?"

"No, Jemma, you don't get it!" Reid insisted. "You just think you're getting a chance to start over, but you're not. The past is still going to haunt you. In fact, it will probably get worse."

"What do you mean?" Jemma asked.

"I mean that you're only believing what you want to believe." Reid sighed. "You want to believe it's ours so you can have your happy ending, but you're denying the possibility that it could be the unsub's."

"Get out." Jemma said flatly, pointing to the door.

"But, Jemma, I-" Reid protested.

"Get out." Jemma repeated herself, refusing to give in to him.

Reid sighed in frustration and left the apartment, taking one last look at Jemma before walking out the door.

* * *

After kicking Spencer out of Emily's apartment, Jemma had to fight against her desire to completely shut down. She carried on like normal throughout the day, going to work, appointments with her doctor and her therapist, studying whenever she could, but when her head hit the pillow at the end of the day, she was free to feel every crazy emotion inside of her.

Each night she lay awake in Emily's guestroom, crying herself to sleep. She had tried and tried to figure out her situation, but her attempts were futile. Jemma missed Spencer terribly. She needed him with every fibre of her being. He had been cruel and insensitive to her though. She was offended that he believed she was ignorant enough to deny the possibility that her baby wasn't his. Of course she had considered the possibility, but something told her that the baby was Spencer's. Jemma didn't know how she knew, she just did.

Jemma knew it would be hard, but she was prepared for the journey ahead of her. Whatever she felt for Spencer was nothing compare to how much she loved her baby. This was her choice, his opinion meant nothing. Jemma was strong and would do whatever it took to take care of her child, with or without Spencer.

Of course, that did not take away the pain Jemma felt and it did not replace the feeling of Spencer's arms around her every night.

* * *

Reid sighed as he packed the last of Jemma's possessions in a cardboard box. The young genius spent every waking moment and several terrible nightmares wishing that Jemma would come home. He missed her and worried about her constantly. He asked Prentiss about Jemma daily and always got the same response, "She's fine."

Reid did not wish for Jemma to be sad or angry or upset, but he wished that she would show some sign that she had ever felt something for him. How could she just move on like nothing had ever happened between them?

He should have known this would happen. Of course this would happen to him. He had gotten dumped before he even officially had a girlfriend.

With another sigh, Reid closed the box and piled it by the door with the others. There was now no sign that Jemma had ever been in the apartment, save for the heartbroken genius who inhabited it.

* * *

**A/N: So that was that. I feel like I can't say another word in this author's note or I'll give away future stuff. My intention is to make you guys all fret over the two inexperienced lovers until I post the net chapter.**

**So, reviews may help me update sooner. Life's kind of hectic as my igloo begins to thaw out right now though, so this could take awhile. Anyway, thoughts? **


	26. Chapter 26

_Disclaimer: I own nothing except Jemma._

**It takes one person to forgive, it takes two people to be reunited. - Lewis B. Smedes**

* * *

Jemma sighed as she pushed the cart of books down the rows of shelves. This had to be her least favourite part of her otherwise perfect job. What she really wanted was to be sitting behind the front desk with her feet up, studying for her mid-terms. She was re-shelving some romance novel when she heard someone clear their throat behind her. She spun around to see a teenage boy, no older than seventeen.

"Can I help you?" Jemma asked the boy.

"Yeah." he mumbled, shuffling his feet. "I-I-I'm l-looking f-for n-n-nonfiction."

"Oh, OK." Jemma smiled. "I'm terrible with directions, so I'll just show you where they are."

The boy looked up at her from under his dark brown hair and flashed her a quick smile before diverting his eyes again.

"Here we are." Jemma said, having lead the boy to the beginning of the non fiction section of the library. "Were you looking for anything in particular?"

"Y-y-yeah." the boy stuttered. "Ch-Charles Manson and T-T-Ted B-Bundy."

"Serial killers, huh?" Jemma said, trying to ignore how much this distressed her are she scanned the shelves with the shy teenager.

She found a couple biographies on Charles Manson and pulled them off of the shelf. "So, what do you find so interesting about serial killers?" she asked.

The boy shrugged.

"Are you interested in profiling?" Jemma persisted.

"What's profiling?" the boy asked, glancing up from under his hair.

Jemma laughed for a second, putting him on edge. "I forgot that most people don't know. It's uh... it's using psychology to catch a criminal. Some friends of mine do it for a living, they work for the FBI, their unit's called the BAU."

"Really?" the boy asked, sitting down at a table. "So they f-figure out wh-why people k-kill and stuff?"

Jemma sat down beside him. "Yeah, I guess so." she replied. "I'm Jemma by the way."

"Ben Creighton."

* * *

"Hey, Ben." Jemma waved to the quiet teenager as he entered the library.

"H-hi, Jemma." he mumbled, heading to the shelves that contained the biographies he was interested in.

Jemma watched as he selected a title then sat in his usual chair and began to read. When the boy read, he got this look on his face like Spencer did when he was concentrating on something. Jemma could not imagine what could possibly make someone so interested in serial killers. To her, it did not matter _why_ someone had killed her family, it only mattered that the bastard got what he deserved. She could understand how a profile could help catch a killer, but why would someone _enjoy_ reading about it?

She was worried about Ben. Something about the teen just did not seem right. Why was he at the library reading about serial killers when he should be hanging out with his friends? Ben Creighton must have the loneliest life Jemma had ever seen. She decided she would try to befriend him. She herself had quite a lonely existence and since she was so close to Ben's age maybe she could offer him the guidance of an older sister.

Jemma took a deep breath and walked toward Ben.

* * *

"Hey, Hotch." JJ said, standing in the doorway to his office. "We just got a call."

Hotch looked up from his desk. "What is it?"

"There's a hostage situation in DC." JJ said, entering the room.

"Why did they call us?" Hotch asked.

"The kid who took the hostages demanded to talk to the BAU." JJ replied.

"Kid?" Hotch repeated.

JJ nodded. "Yeah, Ben Creighton, he's only sixteen."

"Alright, get everyone in the conference room." Hotch said.

Ten minutes later the agents of the BAU were sitting around the table, waiting to be briefed on the case.

"What's going on, Hotch?" Morgan asked, seeing the worried look on his boss's face.

"We've got a hostage situation in DC." Hotch said as JJ handed the profilers each a file.

"Ben Creighton," JJ said, showing the team a picture of the dark haired, pimple faced teen. "Sixteen years old and has twelve hostages at the DC public library."

Reid and Prentiss exchanged a worried look. Their fears were confirmed when live video footage came across the screen, courtesy of Garcia's excellent hacking skills. Sitting on the floor with both arms wrapped protectively around her abdomen was Jemma. Reid felt a pain in his chest when he saw Jemma say something to Creighton only to have a gun pointed in her face.

"Hey, isn't that Jemma?" JJ asked.

"Yeah, she works there." Prentiss replied.

The team looked at the screen then looked accusingly to Reid.

"Can we just go to DC and stop this?" he asked, hoping to divert the attention from himself.

The profilers sprung into action and hurried out of the conference room.

* * *

"_Are you alright, Ben? Do you need to talk to someone?_"

It had been a simple question. Jemma was only trying to help. She had no idea that Ben Creighton would pull out a gun and take her and eleven other people hostage. Instinctively, Jemma's hands went to her belly and she sat on the floor with the other hostages in silence.

Jemma was nearly paralysed with fear. All she could think of was protecting her baby. She tried to reason with Ben a couple times, begging him to let her go, telling him that he was a good person and that he could get help if he let everyone go, but each time she got a gun pointed in her face.

The phone rang, the one on which Ben had been communicating with the police. He kept his gun on the hostages and picked up the receiver.

"Hello, Ben?" Jemma could hear a familiar voice on the other end of the line. "My name's Aaron Hotchner, I work for the FBI. Why did you want to speak to me and my team, Ben?"

"T-tell me what's wrong w-with me!" Ben yelled into the phone.

"Listen Ben, if you let everyone go, you can have a psych-eval done, OK?"

"No!" Ben yelled and hung up the phone.

* * *

"So he wants us to profile him?" Prentiss clarified when Hotch hung up the phone.

"Looks that way." Hotch replied.

"OK, so what do we know about him?" Rossi said.

The profilers thought for a moment before Hotch said, "He has a stutter."

"And we should profile him like a school shooter." Morgan suggested.

"Which means he's a loner." Reid said.

"And that stutter definitely didn't help him in terms of socializing." Prentiss said.

"Or with girls." Rossi added.

Sometimes it worried Hotch that his team could finish eachother's sentences like this. The profilers definitely spent an unhealthy amount of time together. At a time like this though, he appreciated their quick, collaborative thinking, it would get them a home a lot faster and hopefully they could prevent anyone from getting hurt.

"So if we just tell him what's wrong with him, he'll let Je- everyone go?" Reid asked hopefully.

"I don't think so." Rossi replied. "In a hostage situation, the hostages are used as leverage to get whatever he wants. He could easily have gone to a shrink to find out what's wrong with him and probably already has. What he wants is for us to tell him what he wants to hear."

"And what does he want to hear?" Prentiss asked.

"If he's already been diagnosed by a psychologist, and the diagnosis was something to make him take twelve hostages, he wants to know if what the shrink said is true." Reid said. "He wants to know if he'll act on his urges to kill."

"It's just like Nathan Harris." Morgan said. "It's not a question of if he'll kill, but when."

"Nathan Harris didn't kill anyone though." Reid defended.

"But he tried to kill himself." Morgan reminded him, as if he really needed the images of Nathan Harris bleeding to death in front of him to flash through his head right now.

"OK, back to Creighton." Hotch ordered. "So he wants to know whether or not he'll kill someone."

"And what's the answer to that question?" Morgan asked.

"Like you said," Rossi replied. "It's not a question of if he'll kill, but when."

"So what do we tell him?" Morgan asked.

Before Hotch could stop him, Reid was on the phone with Creighton.

* * *

Jemma felt her heart flutter when she heard Spencer's voice come through the phone. She could not believe that after kicking him out of Emily's apartment she'd be so happy to hear his voice.

"Hi, Ben. My name's Spencer Reid, I work for the FBI." she could hear him say. "I know that you know what's wrong with you. I know that you just want to know if you're going to act on your urges and actually kill someone. Ben, you're a good guy, I know you won't hurt any of those hostages."

"N-no, y-you're wrong." Ben stuttered. "I have to k-k-kill them, I have to."

"Well, Ben, I don't believe you." Spencer said. "I don't think you _can_ kill anyone."

"Shut up!" Ben spat into the phone. "Yes I can!"

"Well you haven't killed anyone yet, Ben." Spencer taunted.

_What the heck are you doing Spencer? _Jemma thought. _You're such an idiot, why do you even open your mouth? _

"Shut up! Watch me!" Ben yelled then turned and pointed his gun at Jemma.

Jemma screamed as she stared down the barrel of the gun. So this was how it would end. She regretted fighting with Spencer. All she wanted now was for him to be by her side, to save her like he did the last time she was staring death in the eye. He was all she had now and she wished she had not pushed him away like she had.

There was a gunshot and the sound of a body hitting the floor.

* * *

"Spencer!" Jemma exclaimed, running toward him with tears streaming down her cheeks.

Spencer wrapped his arms loosely around the shaken redhead, trying as hard as he could to avoid the emerging bump on her abdomen. His actions contradicted every emotion he felt right now, but he still was not comfortable with Jemma's pregnancy.

Jemma did not say anything, she probably did not even notice Spencer distancing himself and pressed herself against him as hard as she could.

"I'm sorry, Spencer." she sobbed. "I'm so sorry."

Jemma wished her words could erase the pain of the horrible things she had said, more so in herself than in him.

"Shhh... It's alright." he soothed her, rubbing her back. "You didn't do anything wrong." Except not accept his logic of course.

"I... I thought my last words to you were going to be 'I hate you.'" Jemma mumbled into his shoulder.

"Actually, the last thing you said to me was 'Get out.'" Spencer said. "And you never told me you hated me, you just told me to die." As if those facts could make Jemma feel any better. Of course Reid did not understand that he would upset her more, he always stated facts before he dealt with emotion before Jemma came along.

"I'm sorry." Jemma sobbed harder, wishing she had not heard the pain in Spencer's voice when he reminded her what she had wished upon him.

"No, it's OK, Jem. I'm sorry too, but you-"

A hand came out of nowhere and held Reid's mouth shut.

"Watch what you say, Reid." Prentiss said. "Don't forget you're surrounded by people with guns." She removed he hand and walked away to give the couple some privacy, but they could both still feel her watching over Jemma protectively, ready to intervene if Reid screwed up again.

"I'm sorry, Jem, I'm sorry." Spencer said. "I've missed you, Jem, please just come home."

There was no point in trying to force his logic down Jemma's throat. He had missed her too much, all he wanted was for her to be back where she belonged, with him. Reid might have been no better off with women than when he had first met Jemma, but one thing he had learned was that when dealing with her, emotions outweighed facts in any argument.

"Home?" Jemma repeated, looking up at him with watery eyes.

"My place." Spencer confirmed.

"But..." Jemma did not know how to phrase her question. Was Spencer finally accepting the baby as his now, or had he completely forgotten? Jemma hoped that he was going to accept her pregnancy. As the situation became realer and realer every day, she had begun to think that she could not do this on her own. Even if she could, she was lonely without him.

"I don't know, Jem." Spencer said, as if he had read her mind. "We'll figure it out though. I need you, that's all I know right now."

It was rare that Spencer Reid ever admitted that he did not know the answer to something. Jemma smiled and tightened her grip on him. Maybe this might actually work out.

"Thank you, Spencer." she whispered. "Can we go now? I've got Ben Creighton's brains all over my shirt."

Reid let her go quickly and examined himself for remnants of the trouble teenager. When he concluded that he was clean, he looked at Jemma, whose purple top was cover in pink and red goo. He took off his jacket and offered it to her. Jemma removed the shirt to reveal a tight white camisole that barely covered her belly. She quickly put on Spencer's jacket and returned to his arms.

The team, noticing that the intimate moment between the two had ended, joined them by the side of the Suburban. Jemma turned her body in toward Spencer, hoping to cover up the swollen bump on her stomach. She knew the trouble Spencer could get in if the team saw and by the look on Hotch's face, he was in enough trouble right now.

"I think we're going to head home now, guys." Reid said.

"Not so fast," Hotch ordered. "What you just did was incredibly stupid, Reid. Creighton could have killed everyone in there."

"But he didn't. I knew he'd get angry and try when I told him he couldn't, then the sniper would have a chance to take him out." Reid explained.

"That's still the dumbest thing you've ever done." Morgan said.

"It worked though, didn't it?"

The profilers all rolled their eyes at the genius and piled into the two SUVs.

* * *

**A/N: Yay! Reunited! But is this the end of the problems for Reid and Jemma? Oh course not, it's me, what did you expect? Haha. Seriously though, this is just the beginning.**

**Oh, so I found myself a prom date. I'm so excited. Now all I need is to figure out our ride and I'm all set.**

**Anyway, please review. I always love to know what my readers think of my stories. I have anonymous reviews enabled too if you don't have an account and are just dropping by. So yeah, I'd love to hear from you all.**

**Au revoir!**


	27. Chapter 27

_Disclaimer: I own nothing except Jemma and my plot._

**We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato**

* * *

"Hey, Jem," Spencer said, knocking on the bathroom door. "Are you alright?"

"No, not really." he heard her moan on the other side of the door.

"C-can I come in?" he asked timidly.

"Mhmm..." Jemma agreed then began to cough.

Spencer opened the door and found Jemma kneeling over the toilet bowl.

"You still have morning sickness?" Spencer asked.

"Damn right I do, Dr. Obvious." Jemma choked.

Spencer knelt on the floor beside Jemma and pulled her hair back with one hand and rubbed her back with the other. When Jemma was finished, she fell into Spencer's lap and leaned her head back against his shoulder. He held her in his lap with his hands on her slender hips, but avoided her baby bump.

"Spencer, why are you so afraid of it?" Jemma asked.

"Afraid of what?"

"The baby." she replied. "He's not gonna bite you."

"He?" Spencer asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Or she." Jemma shrugged.

"Can we talk about this later?" Spencer asked nervously.

Jemma noticed the fear in his eyes. She had seen that same fear the night before. She had wanted to be reunited with Spencer physically, but he had hesitated when he noticed her swollen belly. Jemma had pleaded the reluctant genius with her eyes until he finally gave in. In seconds he had forgotten all about what was between their bodies, but Jemma was still slightly hurt. When they were finished, Jemma pretended to fall asleep while Spencer tossed and turned for at least half an hour, trying to find a comfortable way to hold her without touching her belly.

"Yeah," Jemma sighed. "You're going to be late for work."

Spencer kissed the top of Jemma's head then helped her up. He straightened his clothes, gave Jemma another quick kiss and was out the door.

* * *

Reid tapped his fingers nervously on his knees as he sat across from Hotch. He had been called into his supervisor's office as soon as he had entered the bullpen. He glanced around the room, hoping to avoid eye contact.

"Reid," Hotch sighed. "We need to talk and I trust that you know this isn't about what you pulled in the hostage situation yesterday."

Reid swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded.

"So, what part of 'Protect Jemma' did you not understand?" Hotch asked.

"I... I tried." Spencer said. "The baby's not mine though."

"What?"

"It's not mine." Reid repeated himself.

"Then who-"

Hotch was interrupted by a knock on his office door. Without being invited, Morgan entered with Jemma following behind him. She looked scared and distressed.

"Jemma!" Reid exclaimed, jumping out of his chair and going to her. "Why aren't you at work? What's wrong?"

"He was following me, Spencer." Jemma said, sounding slightly stunned.

"Colwyn?" Hotch clarified.

Jemma nodded and fell into Spencer's arms.

"H-he followed me, Spencer." Jemma tried to explain between sobs. "I was so scared... I didn't know where else to go."

"It's OK, you're safe here, Jem." Spencer said, comforting her for the second time today.

"So Colwyn's still around?" Morgan said to Hotch.

Hotch nodded. "Get everyone in the conference room, we're going over this case." He looked to Reid who was still trying to calm Jemma. "Reid, take Jemma to Garcia's office and have her try to find Colwyn on security cameras from wherever she was."

Reid followed Hotch's orders and lead Jemma (who was still sobbing uncontrollably) to the tech goddess's lair.

"Hey, Garcia?" Reid said as he opened the door.

"Yes, Boy Wonder?" she replied, spinning around in her chair.

"You remember Jemma, right?"

"How could I forget her?" the blonde smiled.

Jemma peeked out from where she had buried her face in Reid's chest and gave Garcia a small, forced smile. Garcia had that effect on people. Even when they were sobbing their heart out, she could make them smile with her kindheartedness and bright outlook.

"Can she uh... stay here with you for awhile?" Reid asked.

"Yeah sure, but uh... why? Is everything alright?"

Reid bit his lip nervously and put a hand on the back of Jemma's head, as if he were trying to shield her from what he was going to say. Part of Jemma wanted to yell at him and tell him she was not a child, she could handle this. She had watched her whole family be murdered in front of her eyes, and was raped and stabbed about a dozen times, she could handle a couple words. She was too tired to fight him though. Being chased by a serial rapist/killer could really wear a girl out. Especially when said girl was four months pregnant. On that note, Jemma realized that she kind of liked how Spencer was taking care of her right now. He was so protective of her, it seemed to come naturally to him, but Jemma had no idea that before she came into the picture, "comforting" was not a word typically associated with the awkward genius. She imagined for a brief second that Spencer would treat the baby like he treated her right now, but she knew it was probably only wishful thinking and focused her thoughts elsewhere to avoid getting upset about that topic.

"Colwyn was following her today." Reid replied.

Garcia nodded in understanding.

"Could you work with her to find some surveillance footage of him?" Reid asked.

"Sure thing." Garcia replied, then looking to Jemma said, "Come pull up a chair, sweetie."

Reid gave Jemma a quick hug then sent her in Garcia's direction. Jemma sat in the spare swivel chair Indian style and wrapped her arms around her baby bump.

"Wait- you're pregnant?" Garcia asked, bewildered when Reid left the room.

Jemma nodded.

"Why haven't I been informed?" Garcia demanded excitedly. "Oh my god, I can't believe it! Baby Reids! That's so-"

"It's not his." Jemma said blankly.

"What do you mean it's not Reid's?" Garcia asked. "I thought you two were..."

Jemma shook her head. "We are, and it probably is, but he's denying it. He doesn't want it."

"What is wrong with that boy?" Garcia shrieked, becoming infuriated. "Why wouldn't he want your precious little miracle?"

Jemma fought back the new tears in her eyes and shrugged. "He's convinced it's my uh... it's the uh... the unsub's."

Garcia's mouth hung open in surprise. "Oh no..."

"Can we just uh... do the surveillance thingy?" Jemma asked, anxious to change the topic of the conversation.

"Oh, yeah, sure." the techie agreed, turning around and typing rapidly on her keyboard.

Jemma noticed Garcia's bright blue nail polish and made a mental note to ask her later where she got it.

"OK, so where were you when you thought he was following you?" Garcia asked.

"I just got off the Metro about a block away from the library." Jemma replied.

Garcia did some more speedy typing and soon her screens were all occupied by surveillance footage of the street Jemma walked from the Metro to the library.

"Wow..." Jemma gaped in amazement.

"Big Brother's watching." Garcia chuckled.

Jemma's expression turned from amusement to fear in seconds. "There he is. That's him." She pointed to the screen and Garcia paused the video to show the dirty, evil face of the Beast.

* * *

"How can we be sure he's really following her?" Rossi asked the rest of the profilers in the conference room. "She claimed she saw him a couple months ago, but the crime scene unit didn't find any prints at Reid's apartment. This could just be PTSD."

"Her meds should be controlling the symptoms though, shouldn't they?" JJ said.

"She's off them." Prentiss said firmly, leaving none of her coworkers to vociferate the questions that could be seen on their puzzled faces.

"Then it could be a hallucination." Rossi concluded.

"I don't think I've ever seen someone as afraid as Jemma was when she walked in here this morning, Rossi." Morgan argued.

"Alright, so assuming she's not paranoid, why do you think Colwyn's back?" Rossi asked, entertaining the other profilers' theory.

"For Jemma of course! She's the second person to ever live after his attack. He's got unfinished business." Morgan insisted.

"But why? Shouldn't he have moved on by now?" Rossi continued the argument.

Morgan shook his head. "Maybe you should go back into retirement, Rossi because apparently you've got Alzheimer's so bad you're forgetting why this bastard is killing in the first place!" he yelled. "The fantasy, Rossi!"

"Jemma's the one that got away." Rossi said, on the outside he appeared to take no offence to Morgan's words, but in the back of his mind was now seriously doubting his abilities as a profiler.

"And Tracy Evans was pregnant just like Jemma when she hung herself!" Morgan blurted out.

He knew his mistake before he noticed the eyes of his team on him. Some angry, some in shock. An intense silence hung in the air until someone finally gave voice to their thoughts.

"Jemma's pregnant?" JJ asked Reid, still shocked.

Reid nodded nervously.

"Reid," Rossi said. "How could you-"

Hotch raised a hand to silence his colleague. "Dave, please. I was talking to Reid about this in my office before Jemma came in."

"Well what kind of genius doesn't know how to-"

"It's not mine!" Reid finally erupted.

The team looked past the youngest profiler, their attention directed at the door. Reid turned around to see Jemma standing in the doorway, looking as upset as she had been when she ran into the BAU that morning, but clearly for a different reason.

Jemma took a deep breath and composed herself before stepping into the room.

"We uh... we found him." Garcia said, entering the room on Jemma's heels. She placed the enlarged surveillance photos of the Beast on the round table. They sliced the tension with an audible _thwack!_

"So he's really here?" Hotch clarified.

Jemma and Garcia both nodded.

Jemma was growing nervous with all the curious eyes on her midsection. She tried breathing deeply, but it did not do much to calm her. It was obvious that the team had been talking about her, her pregnancy in particular since the current situation dictated they discuss her at least a little bit to find the Beast. Now she just wished someone would talk, say what was on all their minds and clear the air between them.

When it became apparent that no one wanted to speak first (the awkward comments and questions were usually Reid's duty, but since this was his situation, no one knew who should speak) Jemma sighed.

"Yeah, I'm pregnant." she said.

"And it's the unsub's?" Hotch asked.

Jemma flopped onto the couch below the window. "Seriously?" she looked at Reid. "You brought this fight to work?"

"I swear I didn't bring it up, Jem." Reid responded, looking sincerely apologetic.

"So whose baby is it, Jemma?" Rossi asked.

"I don't know!" Jemma yelled. "How could I know?"

Hotch opened his mouth to speak, but JJ, who was now sitting beside Jemma on the couch stopped him.

"Is this really necessary?" she asked not just Hotch, but the whole team.

"Yes, it is if we want to catch Colwyn." Hotch said.

Jemma looked scared again and having become accustomed to her less pleasant moods and knowing how to handle them, Prentiss got up and went to sit with her and JJ.

"How can knowing who the baby's father is help?" Jemma asked.

"The unsub's fantasy-"

"Know what? Nevermind, I really don't want to hear about that sick bastard's fantasies." Jemma silenced Hotch.

"Jemma, do you have any idea how-"

"How what?" Jemma yelled back at Rossi, standing up off the couch. "How stupid I am? What a slut I am? Yeah, I think I know, now if you'll excuse me, I really don't feel like getting lectured like I'm a teenager." Jemma turned and stormed out of the room.

Reid immediately went to follow her, but someone grabbed his shoulder and stopped him.

"Not so fast, Reid." Hotch said. "We have a conversation to finish."

Reid tried to pull away, but Hotch maintained his firm grip on his bony shoulder.

"Hotch, she can't leave," he squeaked. "The unsub could still be out there."

Hotch nodded, but did not release the younger agent just yet. "Morgan." he said, looking away from Reid and making eye contact with Morgan, nodded toward the door.

* * *

"So how can you be certain it's not yours?" Hotch asked Reid once they were alone in his office again.

"Hotch, how could it be?

Hotch sighed and rolled his eyes. "I know you know that it could be. You're not ignorant, and you're not stupid. I can see right through you, Reid. This is about your own self-doubt and fears."

Reid stared at him like a deer in the headlights. He knew that it would be no use trying to lie to a profiler, but it had been worth a shot. Feigning ignorance was surprisingly easier to him than facing his fears.

"Fatherhood is a scary thing, Reid." Hotch continued. "You never know anything about anything, which is probably scarier for you than the average man."

"But I-"

Hotch raised a hand to silence him. "I'm not going to force this upon you. In fact, I _can't_ force this upon you, but I think you should be responsible for your actions."

Reid opened his mouth, but Hotch stopped him again.

"Even if it's not yours, Jemma needs you." he continued. "I know how you feel about her, we all do. She has no one left but you, Reid."

Reid took a deep breath and decided what he would do.

* * *

"Hey, 'Lil Red," Morgan called out to Jemma. "Where you goin'?"

Jemma spun around to face the agent with tears in her eyes. "Away from all of this."

"Are you forgetting that Colwyn could still be out there?" Morgan asked with the raise of an eyebrow.

Jemma sighed and dropped into the chair nearest her, which just so happened to be the one at Reid's desk.

"Oh yay, something else for me to be afraid of." she said bitterly.

Morgan sat on the edge of the desk and looked down at the stressed redhead. "You've got a serial killer stalking you and there's something that scares you more than that?"

"Uh.. yeah." Jemma said, pointing to her midsection.

She knew how ridiculous it sounded. She had stared evil in the eye and it was now following her every move, but she was more afraid of becoming a mother. Yeah, she was definitely twisted. She had defeated that evil once though, who was to say she couldn't do it again? Even though she had raised her sister, motherhood was still terrifying to Jemma.

"What's there to be scared of, Red?" Morgan asked.

"Spencer doesn't think it's his, I'm all alone in this." Jemma sighed.

"Hey, I've got your back." Morgan promised, looking Jemma dead in her coffee brown eyes. "We all have your back." he elaborated, referring to the entire BAU. "Besides, Reid's a good guy, he'll come around eventually."

"I sure hope so." Jemma mumbled doubtfully.

As if on cue, the scrawny genius appeared behind Jemma and put a hand gently on her tense back. Jemma sighed at how relieving his touch felt. She closed her eyes and rested her head on his hand as he brought it to rest on her shoulder. Even if he did not believe her child was his, Jemma could not imagine life without Spencer Reid now.

"Morgan, can I speak to Jemma in private please?" he asked.

"Sure thing, kid." Morgan grinned. "You might want to talk somewhere where you don't have an audience though." he nodded toward the windows in the conference room that looked down on the bullpen. Reid spun around, keeping his hand on Jemma's shoulder, still gently massaging her and noticed that the rest of the BAU was shamelessly watching him.

"Thanks." he said, helping Jemma up. He took her by the hand and lead her out of the bullpen and around a corner to a deserted hallway.

Jemma looked up at him, her fears and hopes both silenced by the lump forming in her throat.

"Jemma," Reid began with a deep breath. "Jemma, I... I care about you... a lot. Y-you're beautiful, and smart, and you're just amazing, Jemma." he paused before he got too carried away. He scratched the back of his neck and blushed. "I... I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I uh... I really care about you, and I uh... I really like you, and I... I want to be there for you."

Jemma blinked rapidly. Her heart jumped into her throat and tears of happiness streamed down her cheeks. "Are... Are you saying what I think you're saying, Spencer?"

Reid nodded and Jemma threw her arms around him. He smiled and held her closer. Both Spencer and Jemma were too overcome by their emotions to vocalize what they felt right now. If they could, it would make the months to come easier for the both of them, but it was not in the nature of their relationship, if one would even dare to call it that. Feelings for eachother were usually left unspoken between them, only expressed in touches and looks.

Jemma was ecstatic that Spencer had finally manned up and accepted her pregnancy, even if he was not ready to admit that the baby was his. She was relieved that she would not be facing this alone. For the first time since she had lost her brother, she felt truly hopeful for the future.

Spencer had no idea what he was doing. Relationships were not his strong point, far from it in fact, but what little experience he had in that department made him look like an expert in comparison to what he was facing now. As scared as he was, with Jemma in his arms, he knew he had made the right decision. With enough books, and enough advice from JJ and Hotch, he might just be able to pull this off.

* * *

**A/N: Holy! It's been a week! Sorry about that, guys, I've been busy with school and crazy drama and stuff. Anyway, I hope y'all enjoyed. **

**Oh, for Threshold fans, good news! I actually have plot ideas again! My apologies, my brain skipped ahead to what I hope will be the third installment of the story for like a month there and I lost faith and couldn't focus. Anyway, I'm hoping to have a chapter up sometime this week if I'm not too busy.**

**Anyway, I'd love to know what y'all think of this chapter and the story so far. I live for your reviews.**


	28. Chapter 28

_Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, but I do own Jemma and my plot/_

**Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength. - Charles Spurgeon**

* * *

"Spencer, are you sure it won't hurt the baby?" Jemma asked for the eighth time that morning.

Reid sighed. They had been having this conversation since he suggested they do a DNA test in utero. Of course Jemma, being the pro-lifer that she was and being under-exposed to the wonders of modern science in her tiny hometown, had fought tooth and nail against the idea. She had finally given in when he told her that he couldn't stand to not know, not knowing things was something Reid just couldn't handle. Jemma had agreed to the test, not wanting to watch him suffer, but on the condition that he call the doctor's office and have that awkward conversation himself.

What Reid did not realize was that Jemma's objection to the test was not only based on her religious beliefs or her lack of knowledge in the field of science, but on a much deeper fear. If this test proved that Spencer was not the father, despite what he had promised her, he might leave her to do this alone. Jemma was ashamed to even have such a fear, but it was there. She knew she was strong and independent, but lately she found herself being quite clingy and needy. Reid told her it was because of her hormones, carefully avoiding any mention of how clingy she had been after being attacked.

"Are you ready, Mrs. Reid?" the young, blonde nurse asked.

"It's Cavanaugh." Jemma corrected her, then looked to Spencer once more and asked, "It really won't hurt him? Cuz I read that he can feel pain now and-"

"Jemma," Reid said, giving her shaky hand a squeeze. "It's just a needle. It might hurt him for a second, but only as much as it'll hurt you, it's-" He paused for a second to notice how much Jemma was shaking. "You're afraid of needles, aren't you?"

"No." Jemma lied. "I'm not afraid of them, they just make me a bit uncomfortable. I'm more worried about the baby."

"Most mothers aren't actually upset by the pain their children feel when getting needles, it's hearing them cry, and you can't hear him cry in there so-"

"He can- HOLY FUCK!" Jemma screamed as the nurse jabbed the needle into her belly. She closed her eyes tightly as the nurse drew back the plunger then removed the needle.

"See, it's not that bad." Reid said when Jemma opened her eyes. "And yeah, the baby can cry in the womb."

"Really?" Jemma asked, turning onto her side and pulling her shirt down to cover her bump. "What else can he do?"

"Well, he can dream." Reid said, helping Jemma stand up and leading her out of the room.

"That's so cool." Jemma said as she quickly signed the paperwork at the receptionist's desk. "But what does he dream about? I mean, it's not like he's ever actually seen anything."

Reid scratched his arm where the same nurse had taken a vial of blood from him for the tests. He realized now that it was probably unfair to judge Jemma's fear of needles, but at least there was a rational explanation for why he was shaking when he remembered injecting dilaudid in that exact same spot.

Leave it to Jemma to ask a question he had no answer for though. Not wanting to admit that it was simply a random fact floating around in his head, and not a topic he was an expert on, he replied, "Well, no one really knows since they can't exactly ask a fetus what it's dreaming. I'm guessing it's probably more auditory than visual though. He can hear in there, but sight is the last sense to develop once a baby is born. Why don't you know these things? You're the one that's pregnant."

Jemma had been ready to open the passenger door of Reid's rusty blue Toyota when she froze and tried to fight back her words. Her temper, and possibly her hormones got the best of her though and she exploded. "I don't know," she spat. "Maybe it's because I'm stupid!"

"What? You're not stupid, I just thought that you would have at least read a book or two about pregnancy after you found out." Reid said, but the damage was already done and his words were not exactly an apology.

Jemma sighed and got into the passenger seat. The entire ride home, she turned away from Spencer and stared silently out the window.

This pregnancy thing really got to her when she was not keeping her mind occupied. Not that she was not excited, she was overwhelmed with happiness at the thought of bringing a life into this world, it was the circumstances that were bothering her. All through Jemma's adolescence, she watched as her classmates got pregnant and dropped out of school, becoming stuck in Morrow Springs forever. She had promised herself that she would never be caught in that situation, she would get her education and marry a good guy who had a decent job and treated her right before she ever had children. So much for that thought. Jemma knew that her circumstances were different now, but it did not stop her feeling like the dumbest girl in the world.

How could she have been so stupid? She had had unprotected sex when she knew all the possible consequences. Not to mention, she had had sex in the first place after she had made a promise to God that she would wait until she was married. Yep, she was stupid.

* * *

Spencer sighed and looked away from the the case file that laid spread out across the desk in his home office. It was rare that he could not concentrate on a case, and when that rarity occurred, he usually worked out whatever problem was plaguing his complex mind then went right back to the case. This was an exception though. Jemma had hid away in the bedroom since the moment they returned from the doctor's office and refused to talk to him.

He knew it was his fault. In hindsight, he saw how his words could have been interpreted as an insult to Jemma's intelligence. It was an honest question though and he had wanted an answer. When Jemma had not answered, it had only created more questions in Spencer's mind.

A sudden beeping noise jolted Reid from his deep thoughts. He looked to the left corner of his mahogany desk and grabbed his cell phone. There was a new text message from JJ, informing him that there was a case in Arizona.

With a sigh, Reid got out of his comfortable office chair and crept cautiously down the hallway to the bedroom.

"Jemma?" he squeaked, knocking on the door. "Can I come in?"

"It's your room." he heard her mumble before turning the knob and entering.

Spencer found Jemma hiding under the blankets, only a few wisps of her dark red hair visible from where he stood.

"Jemma..." he said feebly, slowly approaching her. "I uh... I have to go to work, I uh... I've got a case."

"OK." Jemma mumbled beneath the blankets.

Reid sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. He felt strangely guilty. Even though he had only asked an honest question, seeing Jemma upset still hurt him. She'd felt enough pain to last her a lifetime and here he was causing her more. He reached out to Jemma and put his hand on her shoulder, silently begging her to turn over so he could see her beautiful face before he left.

"Jemma, what's wrong?" Reid asked. "I don't want to leave with you angry at me."

"I'm not." Jemma said, still refusing to emerge from the blankets. "I'm angry at myself."

So she was not upset that he had inadvertently called her stupid. Spencer was relieved, but still could not stand to see Jemma so depressed.

"Why are you angry at yourself?" he asked. "Please talk to me, Jem, I can't leave knowing you're upset."

Jemma sighed and rolled over to face Spencer. She sat up and he wrapped an arm around her.

"I can't do this." Jemma said, shaking her head and avoiding eye contact with him.

"What do you mean?"

"I can't be a mother, I'm too young, I'm too stupid, I-"

"Jemma, please don't say that." Spencer said. "You're going to be great. I'm... I'm sorry I said what I did. I didn't mean to question your intelligence, I just-"

"No, Spencer, this isn't your fault." Jemma cut him off. "I just don't know about anything anymore." she said with a sigh.

"I'm sorry."

Jemma forced a small grin. "What have I told you about that word?" she teased, running her fingers through Spencer's hair.

Spencer smiled too, happy to see the old Jemma re-emerging. "Sorry, Jem, I really have to go, the plane's leaving in an hour."

Jemma nodded and entwined her fingers with his. Their relationship had taken an odd turn lately. They had not had sex since the night she had returned to Spencer's apartment and what little physical contact they did have seemed to lack the electricity she once felt. Jemma assumed that whatever contact they had was now purely platonic, Spencer held her hand because they were friends, he cared about her and wanted to be there for her and comfort her.

"There's something I need to ask you before I leave though." Spencer said nervously. This question had been on his mind since he first brought Jemma from Oklahoma. The first time he asked, she refused and he understood, but now with the possibility of Colwyn being so close, he felt the need to ask again, to demand it of her for her own safety. Since Jemma had came to the BAU, claiming to have been followed by the serial killer, Spencer had never went too far on cases, he was always home at night and just a phone call away if Jemma really needed him. He needed to know she would be safe while he was in Arizona for God knows how long. "Have you ever fired a gun?"

"I've used a shotgun a couple times." Jemma replied, unsure as to what Spencer was getting at. "I used to hunt with Joey sometimes."

"Jemma, at the top on my closet, there's a metal box. The key for it is in the nightstand. The gun is already loaded, you just have to turn the safety off. I now it's not the same as a shotgun, but I don't really have the time to show you, and I'm not that good at it myself." Spencer said hurriedly. "If anything goes wrong, don't hesitate to use it."

Jemma looked dumbfounded. "Spencer, I... I don't think I can..." she said. "After seeing Ben Creighton die, I don't think I could kill anyone, not even if they were going to hurt me."

"Please, Jem?" Spencer begged. "This is different, Colwyn wants to do terrible things to you. He already has done terrible things to you."

"Spencer, it's not right for me to kill someone." Jemma insisted. "It's not up to me to decide anyone's fate. It's just wrong."

"Jemma, he's killed over a hundred people!" Spencer cried. "That includes your best friend and your sister. If you can't do it for yourself, at least do it for the baby."

Jemma wrapped her arms around her belly. She thought she might be sick. The thought of the Beast coming anywhere near her baby filled her with fear and hatred. "Alright." she gave in.

"Thank you." Spencer said, pulling Jemma into a tight hug. "I have to go now, Jem."

Jemma let go and nodded. She watched sadly as Spencer walked away.

* * *

A week. An entire week and Jemma still had not seen Spencer. Sure he called from Arizona every night and woke her up (even though she swore to him that she had been awake when he called), but phone calls just were not the same. After three days alone in the apartment, Jemma had started visiting Penelope at Quantico every day after work. At first Penelope had warned her against it, advising that she would not want to hear or see anything about the current case the team was on. Jemma had simply shrugged and told her she had lived through worse.

So Garcia permitted Jemma to stay. The two got along quite well. Despite their many differences, Jemma discovered that Garcia also hid her pain and insecurities behind a thick, brightly coloured wall of optimism. Jemma answered all of Penelope's questions about the baby cheerfully, but when she was alone in the apartment with nothing to do but think about her situation, she cried until she could cry no more then exhausted, fell asleep alone in Spencer's bed.

Jemma still felt that she would not be a good mother. How could she believe what Spencer had told her? What did he know about being a parent? He didn't even want to be one.

Maybe Spencer had been right from the very start. Maybe she should put the baby up for adoption. Maybe someone else could give it the life it deserved. What could Jemma possibly have to offer? She was broke, she wasn't even finished her degree. She couldn't even give her child a father or a family. It wasn't fair.

* * *

Two weeks. Spencer had been in Arizona for two weeks. Actually, he was in Utah now. Jemma had been in Garcia's office when the team called to inform her that they would be crossing state lines. Jemma had the privilege of hearing every day how gruelling this case was for the team.

The unsub had been raised by his father to be the perfect killer. Since he had never had a birth certificate, driver's licence, previous arrests or anything that was traceable, finding him was nearly impossible. All the team really had to go on was a sketch based on a description given by a victim's six-year-old son. Then of course crossing state lines did not make the situation easier. Switching police forces and dealing with a whole new pile of paperwork without access to the Arizona files was beyond frustrating, even with a genius on the team who could read 2,000 words a minute.

In that week, Jemma made a serious decision. She was scared, but she had made up her mind and went through with it. Two weeks exactly and she was waiting for Spencer to call to tell him her decision. She was just drifting off to sleep on the couch, watching a late night talk show when the phone rang.

"Hello?" Jemma answered, her eyes still shut.

"Hey, Jemma." Reid greeted her. "I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"No." Jemma mumbled, keeping her eyes closed, imaging Spencer's face.

"OK." he said. "How was your day?"

"Mmmm... it was alright." Jemma replied. "I wish you'd been here though."

Spencer sighed on the other end of the line. "I'm sorry, Jem. I wish I was there too. This case is tiring and I miss you."

Jemma's heart fluttered when she heard Spencer say he missed her.

"Did you get my package today?" he asked.

Jemma giggled, but she knew Spencer had no idea that what he said had a double meaning. "No, I didn't. What did you send?"

"It's a surprise." Spencer said. "You'll see when it gets there."

"Oh, I love surprises!" Jemma said.

"Well, I'm glad you do." Spencer said. "You should get some sleep now though. It's probably not good for the baby to be up this late."

"Alright." Jemma pouted.

"Alright, I'll call you tomorrow." Spencer promised.

"Goodnight." Jemma said.

"Goodnight."

Jemma reluctantly hung up the phone. Gathering the blanket around her, she made her way down the hall to the bedroom. She curled up in bed and resolved to tell Spencer her decision when he called tomorrow night. She hoped he would understand, after all, he was the one who wanted her to put the baby up for adoption in the first place.

* * *

**A/N: So yeah, that's chapter 28! I'm gonna shut my mouth right now so I don't give _anything_ away. **

**Oh, my apologies to the Threshold readers. I know I said I would update this week, but I've gotten busy with all kinds of school and graduation stuff, so I don't have the time, energy or even a clue what to do with the story anymore. Last night's episode helped my writer's block a bit and gave me a couple ideas. **

**Speaking of last night's episode, did anyone else cry when the unsub was imaging Reid saying "Stab me in the neck!"? Cuz I was sobbing my heart out. I really thought it was the end, but then Hotch saved the day. Yay Hotch! Seriously, I never appreciated that man much until last night. He's my hero now though. Maybe I'll do some little one-shot as an homage to the man who saved the life of my beloved. We'll see. **

**So yeah, reviews please? They've been slowing down lately, but I'd really like to know what everyone thinks. Like honestly, my biggest pet peeve is writing a chapter and getting zero feedback. I'm like, do people want me to continue? Does it suck? I don't know! Ahhhh! Anyway, reviews pretty please, with a cherry on top?**


	29. Chapter 29

_Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing but Jemma and my plot._

**You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara de Angelis**

* * *

A light snowfall had just began when Jemma stepped out of the library. Snow was not something she was accustomed to, having never left Oklahoma before. Jemma left the only coat she owned unbuttoned as it was too small to cover her growing bump. She shivered as the wind passed through her and walked quickly to the Metro station. Half way there, Jemma's phone rang in her coat pocket.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Hey, Jem," Garcia said. "Listen, Kevin and I are doing some Christmas shopping tonight, so I can't hang out."

"Oh," Jemma said, disappointed. "OK. Well, have fun."

"Sorry, Jem, I'll make it up to you tomorrow, I swear." Garcia promised.

"Alright, I'll hold you to it." Jemma grinned then said goodbye.

With a sigh, she continued to the Metro. Instead of going to Quantico, she took the route back to the empty apartment.

* * *

Jemma had changed into a pair of Spencer's flannel pyjama pants and CalTech hoodie and was curled up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, reading Steinbeck's _East Of Eden_, and sipping a mug of hot chocolate when there was a knock on the door. She wondered who would be dropping by at all, let alone this late until she looked at the clock and noticed it was only four thirty in the afternoon. With a heavy sigh, she got off the couch and answered the door.

"Jemma Cavanaugh?" the delivery man asked.

"That's me." Jemma said, eyeing the box in his arms.

"Sign here please." he said, handing her the paperwork.

Jemma signed her name quickly, excited to open what she could only assume was the package Spencer had mentioned the night before. She gave the delivery man back his clipboard and yanked the box from his hands, then she hurried back to the couch to open it.

Inside the box was a small, purple mp3 player, a set of large headphones and a note. Jemma unfolded the note and smiled when she recognized Spencer's messy handwriting on the page.

_Hey Jemma, I was just thinking that the baby might like some music. I already loaded the mp3 player with some classical music and I recorded myself reading a couple books, they're on there too. Don't let him listen for more than an hour a day though, amniotic fluids can amplify sound and damage his hearing, among other things. Anyway, I miss you and I hope you're alright. I'm sorry I've been gone so long, I swear I'll make it up to you. -Spencer_

Jemma smiled, but a tear trickled down the side of her face. Spencer was finally showing that he cared about the baby, even if it was possible that it was not his and here she was putting it up for adoption.

She laid down and began to cry, overwhelmed with confusion. She wanted her baby to have the best life possibly and she hadn't believed that she could give him that. Now she was doubting her decision. Doubting her decision that had been the result of her own self-doubt, it didn't get much more confusing than that. After this simple gesture, Jemma now knew that Spencer had the potential to be a great father, and maybe he was beginning to realize it too. All Jemma wanted was whatever was right for the baby.

* * *

The southern Utah police station was nearly empty, save for a couple of the local police working the night shift and Spencer Reid, genius profiler, left staring at a map, a cork board covered in photographs of victims and crime scenes, and a tower of unsolved case files, trying to focus his exhausted mind on solving this case. Focusing was not exactly easy when in his hand was a picture of all he really wanted at the moment.

Three megapixels did not do his redheaded beauty any justice. He could remember her bright smile, her adorable dimples and the shine of her hair much more vividly in his mind and he did so as he stared at the picture, but holding the picture in his hand made it feel like she wasn't so far away.

"Why don't you just tell her how you feel already?" JJ's voice startled him.

"Tell who I feel what?" Reid decided to play dumb.

JJ rolled her eyes and plopped into the chair opposite Reid. She was exhausted from this case and was in no mood for this. "Jemma. You love her."

"N-no, I don't." Reid blushed.

JJ laughed at how much the agent she considered her little brother was acting like a prepubescent boy. "You stare at that picture of her whenever you get a chance, you never stop talking about her, and you blush whenever someone says her name. You love her."

Reid's blush deepened, but he did not deny it this time.

"You need to tell her." JJ said.

"She's having a hard enough time as it is," Reid said. "She doesn't need me to make it any worse."

"You know she wants to hear it, Spence." JJ said. "I can't imagine how she can live thinking that there's not a person in this world who loves her."

Reid could imagine what it was like. Before joining the BAU, the only person who loved him was his mother, and she was rarely lucid. Even after all these years, there were still times when Reid believed that his colleagues would not care if he just did not show up for work one day. Somehow, he had managed to fall for a girl who was even lonelier than himself.

It was understanding Jemma's loneliness in the last few weeks that had helped him to understand why her pregnancy was so hard on her. In the beginning she denied the possibility that the baby could be her rapist's because she did not want to think of the lonely future ahead of her if that were the case. Since Reid had made the mistake of denying his part in the conception, Jemma was afraid that he wanted nothing to do with the baby.

That was why he sent her the mp3 player. He had wanted her to know that he did care about the baby. He was afraid to get attached before knowing for sure if the baby was his. Reid still believed that Jemma should put the baby up for adoption if it was Colwyn's. Of course, he could understand now why she would not want to and he would support her no matter what. Deep down, part of him wondered what would be worse, for the baby to have psychopathic genes or schizophrenic genes. His biggest fear was that he could not be the father the baby deserved and that he would pass on his mother's mental illness.

"Hey, Pretty Boy, what are you staring at?" Morgan asked as he entered the room with Prentiss in tow.

"Huh? Oh, nothing."

Reid's co-workers just laughed, the entering two taking seats at the table with him and JJ.

"He's got Jemma on the brain." JJ teased.

"Oh," Morgan said. "How is the Princess?"

Prentiss laughed. "Jemma is _way_ too tough to be a princess."

"The girl's got him wrapped around her finger and jumping through hoops." Morgan teased.

"No she doesn't." Reid fought back, turning a deep shade of red once again.

"But you _would_ do anything she asked." Morgan said.

Spencer did not deny this because it was true. He really could not say no to Jemma.

"Well, I'd say it's time we head back to the hotel." JJ said, "I need to call Will and Henry."

Reid made a mental note to thank JJ later for changing the subject before it got too uncomfortable. He knew now was not the time though, her separation anxiety was at a peak right now. Two weeks away from her son had turned her into an emotional wreck. Of course JJ never showed it, but Reid could see it on her face and sometimes could hear her crying in the room net to his at the hotel.

The downtrodden agents made their way back to the hotel. Morgan drove, being the least tired of the four. The ride was spent in silence as well as the trek from the Suburban to their rooms on the fourth floor. Reid was just about to slide the key into the door of his room when he heard JJ speak to him.

"You know, it was really sweet that you sent that package to Jemma." she said.

"Oh, well, uh... I guess I just feel bad for leaving her alone for so long." Reid said, nervously scratching the inside of his elbow.

JJ saw right through him. "Well, it was sweet anyway. She'll love it. You're going to be a great father, you know that right?"

Reid sighed. "We went for a DNA test. We should have the results sometime before Christmas."

"What are you going to do if it's not yours?" JJ asked.

"I think the better question is what will I do if it's mine." Reid said, unlocking the door to his room and stepping inside.

"Wait, Spence-"

Reid closed the door so only his head was sticking out. "I have to call Jemma now, I'll talk to you tomorrow." He then shut the door in JJ's shocked face and made his way to the bed. Reaching into his pants pocket, he took out his cell phone and dropped it on the bed farthest from the window. He stripped down to his boxers and threw on a white t-shirt from his go-bag before collapsing onto the bed and pressing speed dial 1 on his phone.

"Hey darlin'." Jemma greeted him.

Reid felt a slight pang in his chest, but his face lit up at the sound of her voice. "Hey, Jem." he squeaked.

"Thank you for the present, I love it. You even got the colour right." she said, trying to cover up the shaking in her voice.

Reid saw right through it though. "You've been crying." he accused. "What's wrong? Are you OK? Is the baby OK? I'm coming home, Jem."

"Spencer, calm down, I'm fine, we're fine. I'm just... I'm just kind of hormonal today."

"Are you sure?" Reid asked. "Cuz I can come home if you need me to." _I _want_ you to need me to_, he thought.

"Spencer, I'm fine, they need you there more than I need you here." Jemma lied.

"Alright." Reid sighed. "So how was your day?"

"Sucked." Jemma replied. "I've still got morning sickness, work sucks, Penelope ditched me for Kevin, and it's cold here. How was yours?"

"Not much better." Reid replied. "I miss you."

"I uh... I have to go, Spencer." Jemma said, almost as if she were in a panic.

"What? Why?"

"I... I just do." Jemma said. "I'm sorry, Spencer."

"It's alright." he lied. "Have a goodnight. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Goodbye, Spencer."

"I love you." he said to the dial tone.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. I'd love some feedback. I always want to know what my readers think of each chapter.**


	30. Chapter 30

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, as always. I do own Jemma and my plot though._

**Convincing yourself does not win an argument. - Robert Half**

* * *

"Jemma, I'm home." Reid called out as he slipped out of his sneakers.

He heard Jemma move somewhere down the hall and he hoped she would be giving him a warmer welcome than she had given him a week earlier when he had returned from Utah. Jemma emerged from the bedroom and walked slowly and quietly toward him, almost as if she were in a trance. The closer Jemma got, the more Reid could see the sadness in her face.

"Hey, happy birthday." he greeted her, handing her a bouquet of purple calla lilies.

Jemma smiled faintly and smelled the flowers before setting them down and wrapping her arms around Reid. He sighed, relieved that she had found a way back into his arms after a week of silence and tension between the two and held her tightly against his chest, burying his face in her deep red hair.

"Thank you." Jemma whispered.

Reid smiled and tilted Jemma's head upward so he could kiss her tenderly. A sigh escaped Jemma's lips and she felt the ice that had frozen her for the last week melt away. She grinned and returned the kiss. Her heart fluttered as she felt Spencer's hands glide across her skin, under her tank top from her hips to her belly.

The feeling she felt was indescribable, she had never felt like this before. There were only a couple inches of her body separating Spencer and the baby.

"Spencer..." she moaned.

It had been too daring of a move. Spencer had only meant to touch her baby bump inconspicuously, only out of curiosity. He hadn't meant for her to notice. He hadn't expected that reaction. He returned his hands to her hips and loosened his hold on her.

"You know, it's not my birthday yet." Jemma teased, running her fingers through Spencer's long, unkempt hair.

"I know, but it will be in four hours and thirteen minutes." Spencer smiled. "Plus we might have something to celebrate." He reached into his leather messenger bag and extracted a large manilla envelope.

"The test results?" Jemma said nervously, taking a step back.

Spencer nodded.

"Spencer, can we um... can we wait to open it?"

"Why? I thought you wanted to know."

"I just... If it's not... If it turns out the baby's not yours, it'll ruin our night." Jemma said. "It's been awhile since I've actually had a good night."

Spencer nodded and set the envelope on the stand by the door, right beside the bouquet of lilies.

"So, do you want to catch a movie?" he asked.

"I haven't been feeling very well today, Spence. Do you want to just stay in?"

"Whatever you want, birthday girl." Reid grinned. "Have you ate yet? I'll order in."

"Chinese?" Jemma asked.

"Sure." Spencer agreed, stepping into the kitchen to grab the phone. "What do you want?"

"Eggs rolls, chicken fried rice, chow mein, lemon chicken, sweet and sour pork, and um... spring rolls and dumplings." Jemma said.

Spencer gave her a shocked look.

"Hey, I'm eating for two here." she reminded him.

Spencer smiled and gave her a kiss on the forehead before picking up the phone. Jemma went to the living room and began to sift through Spencer's DVD collection. There were quite a few movies on the shelf beneath the television, but none of the titles really captured Jemma's attention, documentaries, sci-fi, and the _Lord of the Rings_ trilogy which they had already watched together. She remembered she had some DVDs still stashed away in the boxes she had brought back from Morrow Springs and went to the closet to find them.

Jemma sifted through several cardboard boxes until she found her movies in the box at the very bottom of the pile. She flipped through the rows of cases until she found something that did not belong there. Sticking out from between _Shakespeare In Love_ and _Walk The Line_ was a folded piece of purple construction paper. Jemma removed it from the box and looked at it.

The paper had pressed wildflowers glued to it and "Happy Mother's Day" written messily in blue crayon. Jemma's heart skipped a beat and she opened the card and read the message from her sister, "Dear Jemma, you're the best mommy ever. Love, Elizabeth."

Jemma sniffled and held back the tears forming in her eyes. Seven months ago her sister had given her that card. Seven months ago her sister had been alive. Jemma was supposed to take care of Lizzy after their mother died. Lizzy could barely even remember Louise, she considered Jemma her mother. Jemma had thought she had done a good job taking care of her sister until that fateful night in July.

A painful sob escaped Jemma's lips when she remembered that night, tied to the bed, watching as the Beast stabbed Lizzy. Jemma had failed her, she had let her die. She could not take care of Lizzy, how could she take care of her baby?

After rubbing the tears from her eyes, Jemma re-read the card. Lizzy had called her the best mommy ever, she had relied on her. Jemma remembered all the sleepless nights taking care of Lizzy while Louise was in the hospital. She remembered when her mother had finally passed on after her two year battle with breast cancer and how Lizzy was all she had to live for as her father retreated into his addiction and her brother, Joey left on his first tour of Iraq.

Now that her entire family was gone, Jemma felt the same grief and depression she had felt when her mother died. It was harder without knowing there was someone who needed her, who depended on her. Knowing there was a life inside of her that needed her had given Jemma a reason to go on. Was it selfish of her though? Was it right to keep the baby for her own personal reasons when she doubted she could give it the life it deserved?

Light footsteps approached behind her, but Jemma was too absorbed in her thoughts to notice.

"Hey, Jem," Spencer said nervously. "You've been in here awhile, is everything alright?"

Jemma began to shake. She could not bring herself to look Spencer in the eye. The guilt of putting his child up for adoption overwhelmed her. She knew he would be an amazing father, but her own weaknesses would counteract that.

"Hey, what do you have there?" Spencer asked, kneeling on the floor beside Jemma. He put one hand on her lower back and reached for the card in her hand. "Oh, Jemma..." he said as he read Lizzy's message. "I'm sorry."

"What did I tell you about that word?" Jemma tried to laugh, but sobbed instead.

Spencer began to gently rub Jemma's back. "I know you miss her." he said. "I don't think she'd want you to cry though, Jem."

Jemma sniffled and nodded, still clutching the card. Spencer wrapped his arms tightly around her and laid his head on her shoulder. Jemma wished that that was all it would take to comfort her. She wished that this tragedy had never happened and that she could enjoy a normal relationship with Spencer.

"It's not your fault, Jem." Spencer tried to assure her. "You did everything you could. You took really good care of her. You were a great mother to her, Jem. You're _going_ to be a great mother. The baby is so lucky to have you."

Jemma wiped her eyes and forced a smile. She relaxed and leaned back into Spencer, letting him hold her until her breathing returned to normal and the sobs ceased. There was a knock at the door and Spencer let Jemma go to meet the delivery boy at the door. The thought of delicious egg rolls motivated Jemma to get up and enjoy the rest of her night with Spencer. She selected a movie and went to meet Spencer in the living room.

"Welcome back." Spencer smiled at Jemma as he set out their dinner on the coffee table.

Jemma smiled back at him and handed him the DVD before sinking into the couch. Spencer put the movie in and sat down next to Jemma.

"Don't watch me eat." Jemma warned as she reached for the take-out box of lemon chicken and a pair of chopsticks.

"Why?" Spencer asked.

Jemma did not need to answer as she fumbled with the sticks and dropped a piece of chicken on the floor. Spencer laughed, glad he was not alone in his chopstick incompetence. He got off the couch and went to the kitchen, returning seconds later with a fork for each of them. Jemma thanked him and started the movie.

All was going well as the couple (_Could they even be called a couple?_ Jemma wondered.) watched the previews. They ate in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. Jemma propped herself up on a pile of throw pillows and stretched her long legs across Spencer's lap. He smiled at her and rubbed her shins. Then the movie began.

Jemma had naturally assumed that Spencer had at least read a Harry Potter book when she chose the movie. She had no idea that the genius was practically blind to any pop culture. Heck, he could read 2,000 words a minute, why wouldn't he have read Harry Potter?

"This makes no sense." Spencer said as Dumbledore used his deluminator to put out all the streetlights on Privet Drive.

"It's a movie, Spencer." Jemma said, hoping that would be enough to shut him up so she could enjoy the movie.

"But movies need to make sense or else the audience doesn't understand and-"

"Dumbledore is a wizard, Spencer." Jemma said as if she were speaking to an idiot. "Most of the characters in this movie are witches or wizards and can do things that are impossible according to all your science and logic. It's all fantasy, just like Star Trek."

"Actually, Star Trek is more scientifically accurate than one might think." Spencer said. "The Enterprise-"

"A Star Trek lecture? Really, Spence?" Jemma rolled her eyes.

Spencer pouted and focused his attention on the television, hoping Jemma would not see how hurt he was.

"Wait," Spencer said a few moments later. "Why does he live with his aunt and uncle if they abuse him? And they don't even want him! Why wouldn't they just put him up for adoption? He'd be better off- Jemma, why are you crying?"

Jemma tried to hide her face from Spencer, but he took her hands in his and looked her dead in the eye.

"Spencer, I did a terrible thing." Jemma said.

"Jemma, what did you do?" Spencer asked.

"Oh God, I've made a horrible mistake." Jemma cried, shaking her head.

"What did you do?" Spencer repeated, pulling Jemma closer.

"I... I gave the baby up for adoption." Jemma confessed.

Spencer's eyes widened in shock. After Jemma had fought so hard to keep her baby, why was she giving up now? He was surprised and confused. Surprised that Jemma would give up on something she wanted so bad when it was in her nature to never back down. Confused as to why he felt sad, and hurt, and angry at her for this.

"Why, Jemma?" he finally managed to ask, trying not to let his emotions get the best of him. "_Why?_ I thought you wanted this. You were so happy..."

"I did want this." Jemma replied. "I _am_ happy, but I can't do this."

"What do you mean you can't do this?" Spencer demanded. This girl had survived an abusive father and an attack by a horrible serial killer and she was trying to tell him she could not be a mother?

"I... I can't give him the life he deserves, Spencer." Jemma said. "You were the one who wanted me to give him up in the first place."

Spencer released Jemma and got off the couch. Frustrated, he began to pace and pull at his hair. "Jemma, how could you do this?" he asked.

"Since when do you care?" Jemma retorted. "Up until now, you've wanted nothing to do with this baby!"

"That's not true!" Spencer yelled. "I promised you that I'd be there for you. I promised I'd take care of you."

"Then why are you getting mad at me?" Jemma cried. "You're only hurting me more!" And with that she stormed off to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

Spencer lay awake on the couch, staring blankly at the television as images of the day's news flashed across the screen. His brilliant mind was not focused on the news however, it was focused on a much more perplexing subject, his fight with Jemma. He had expected to hear her crying, but the silence from her direction caused an even greater feeling of guilt to form within Spencer.

He hadn't meant to hurt her, but it was not really fair that she could hurt him like this. Spencer was confused as to why he even felt hurt, but he still had the right to his own feelings, didn't he? Why should he feel guilty for hurting her?

What had made Jemma make this decision anyway? And why hadn't she consulted with him first? If the baby was his, he should at least have some say in it, shouldn't he?

The sound of Jemma screaming tore Spencer from his thoughts. He sprang off the couch and ran to the bedroom where he found Jemma tossing and turning in the bed, screaming for help. He sat on the edge of the bed and held her down so she would not hurt herself.

"Jemma," he cried, "Jemma, wake up!"

She continued to scream and fight him off. "Spencer! Spencer, help me!"

"Jemma, I'm right here." Spencer said. "Wake up, Jemma."

Slowly Jemma began to relax. She opened her eyes and began to hyperventilate. "Spencer?" she said with tears in her eyes.

"It's OK, Jem." he assured her, pulling her onto his lap. "I'm here now."

Jemma clung to him and sobbed into his chest.

"Shhhh..." he soothed her. "It's OK. It was just a dream."

Spencer was not sure what it was about Jemma that made him affectionate, but he was glad that it worked to calm her down. She relaxed as he rubbed her back and her tears slowed.

"Jemma, why didn't you tell me you were still having nightmares?" Spencer asked.

Jemma shrugged. "I don't have them when you're here." she mumbled.

Spencer hugged her tightly, a poor attempt to relieve the guilt he felt for causing her pain tonight.

"They're worse now." Jemma said. "He's not just hurting me. He hurts you and the baby too."

Spencer could understand why Jemma would have nightmares about the baby being hurt, but not him. How could himself getting hurt cause her to be so upset? "It's just a dream, Jem." he said. "We're OK, you're OK."

Jemma nodded and looked up at him. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For... for what I told you earlier." she said.

Spencer sighed and set Jemma back down on the bed. She looked crushed until Spencer laid down beside her, wrapping his arms around her again.

"I just wish you would have told me sooner, Jem." he said. "Why did you decide to do it, anyway?"

Jemma sighed. "After you called me stupid, I got thinking and I realized that I couldn't do this. I'm so broken and useless, it's not fair to the baby for me to keep him just because I need a reason to live."

Spencer kissed her forehead and held her close, taking a moment to think. He had always thought of Jemma as a victim, despite knowing she would not want him to, but he had never really thought of her as a rape victim. It explained why she was thinking like this now though. It was typical for a rape victim to have feelings of self-hatred and doubt. Spencer had thought that the therapy sessions would help Jemma, but he knew she had quit them when she had moved to Emily's, not being able to afford them without being a financial burden to her host.

"Jemma, I never meant that you were stupid." he said. "I'm sorry that it sounded like that was what I was implying, but I didn't mean to. I think you're really smart actually."

Jemma nuzzled her face into Spencer's chest so he could not see the sadness in her brown eyes.

"I don't think you're broken or useless either. You're so strong, Jemma, you really are. You were a great mother to Lizzy, I know you could do it again."

"It's not fair though."

Spencer put a finger under Jemma's chin and pulled her face up so he could look her in the eye. "What's not fair is that the baby will never know what an amazing person his mother was if you give him up. You're right that he deserves better. He deserves not to be lied to about who his parents are and he deserves a mother who's strong enough to fight for him like you have.

"Jemma, do you know how many cases I've worked where the unsub has become a sociopath or developed some kind of mental illness because they were adopted or in foster care? It's... it's almost unbelievable. What's best for him is you, Jem."

"And you." Jemma said.

Spencer smiled and hugged her tightly.

"You know, you should have let me finish before you started freaking out earlier." Jemma laughed, her cheeks still damp. "I said I had made a mistake."

"What made you change your mind?" Spencer asked.

"You." Jemma grinned. "When I realized that you were actually trying, I changed my mind. I realized it wasn't fair to you."

Spencer did not smile with Jemma though. "We haven't read the test results though." he said. "Jemma, if it's not mine, I don't think I can..."

Jemma nodded. "I understand." she said. "I'm almost certain that he's yours though, Spencer."

"How can you know?"

"I just do." Jemma said, kissing his chest. "But if I'm wrong..."

"Y-you don't have to, Jem." Spencer said, knowing what she was about to say. "I mean, I'll help you, but I can't-"

"No, Spencer, it's OK." Jemma said. "If he's not yours, I don't know how I'll ever be able to look at that face everyday, at those eyes..."

Spencer nodded and brushed a strand of hair out of Jemma's face.

"Spencer, I... I want to know the results so I can go sort this out tomorrow." Jemma said.

"Are you sure?" Spencer asked. "You wanted to wait earlier."

"I need to know." Jemma replied. "The adoption agency closes for Christmas tomorrow. If I don't do it tomorrow, I'll have to wait two weeks and they might find a family by then and once they do, I can't back out."

Spencer nodded. The two got out of bed and went to the foyer where they had left the envelope. Spencer took Jemma's hand in his and gave it a quick, reassuring squeeze before opening the envelope and taking out the papers that it held. Both drew in separate breaths and began to read.

Naturally, Spencer finished reading before Jemma did, but he re-read the test results several times to make sure what he was reading was correct.

* * *

**A/N: What do the test results say? Is Reid the father? Tune in next week to find out!**

**Yeah, feel free to read that ^ in a cheesy old TV announcer voice. Sorry, it's probably only funny to me, I have a fever and it's making me delirious. So delirious that I had to look up how to spell delirious. **

**Anyway, time for me to go try to battle this stupid cold. Feedback please?**


	31. Chapter 31

_Disclaimer: I do not own CM and am not making a single penny off of this. Jemma is mine though, and my plot, so hands off!_

* * *

The next day at work, Reid was beaming. The rest of the profilers noticed, naturally, but none could get any answer out of him as to why he was so happy. By the time lunchtime rolled around, Morgan was on what he guessed to be his ninth try to get the young genius to spill his guts.

"Seriously man, what happened?" he asked, giving Reid a steaming cup of extra sugary coffee as bribery. "Did you get lucky?"

Reid just smiled and shook his head.

"Then what the hell are you smiling for?" Morgan asked, half jokingly, half serious.

Prentiss rolled her eyes in the cubicle beside Reid's. "Leave him alone, Morgan. Do you really want him broadcasting the details of his sex life?" she asked, shuddering at the thought.

"Hey now, Prentiss," Morgan said. "Jemma is one fine..." he trailed off when he saw Jemma enter the bullpen. "Uh... outstanding young woman."

"That's what I thought, Derek." Jemma said as she joined the three profilers. "Hey guys."

"Hey, Jem." Reid said, standing up. He was about to wrap her in a tight embrace when he realized that it might not be appropriate in the BAU, so he shyly placed his hand on her lower back.

Jemma was a lot more fearless than Reid though. She hugged him and kissed his cheek.

Reid blushed a bright shade of red. "Wh-what are you doing here?" he asked her.

"Just thought I'd drop by and say hi on my break." Jemma replied with a shrug.

"Break? It's like a half-hour train ride to Quantico." Reid said.

Jemma rolled her eyes. "Guys, can we have some privacy?" she asked Morgan and Prentiss. Both nodded and made their way to the break room to pour a cup of coffee.

"I did it." Jemma said when she was sure Reid's colleagues were out of earshot. "I cancelled the adoption. He's all ours now."

Reid sighed in relief and pulled Jemma into his arms, burying his face in her shoulder. "Thank you." he murmured.

"Uh... Spence? Have you told anyone yet?" Jemma asked, blushing. "Cuz they're kind of all staring at us."

Reid released Jemma and looked up to see Prentiss and Morgan staring at them from the coffee machine. "Uh... no, I haven't."

"Well, don't you think you should?" Jemma asked.

Reid grinned and put his hands on Jemma's waist. "Let's just keep it between us for now."

"Whatever you say, Daddy." she teased.

Reid smiled then kissed Jemma softly on the lips. Both were disappointed that it had to end so soon, but any longer might have made the other agents in the office uncomfortable and neither was sure of where they were in this relationship (if it could even be called that).

"This is probably the best birthday ever." Jemma said, still wrapped in Reid's arms and blushing.

"Birthday?" Garcia said as she approached the two. "Jemma, why didn't you tell me it was your birthday?"

Jemma blushed and stepped away from Reid. "Please don't make a big deal out of it, Pen."

"But Jemma, you're turning twenty-one! You need to go have crazy adult fun!" Garcia pleaded.

"Crazy adult fun has consequences though." Jemma said, pointing to her belly.

"Not that kind of crazy adult fun." the technical analyst laughed. "Girls' night. Me, you, Prentiss, and JJ."

"Well, I could use a night out I guess." Jemma shrugged.

Garcia squealed with delight and smothered Jemma in a tight hug. "Yay! We'll pick you up at Reid's at six, but now I've got to go dig into the lives of America's scuzziest."

"Alright, see ya then!" Jemma smiled and waved as Garcia marched off to her office.

"Are you actually going?" Reid asked Jemma, a look of concern filling his face.

"Yeah, of course I am. Why wouldn't I?"

"Jemma, do you have any idea the effects that alcohol can have on an unborn baby?" he asked, sounding distressed. "There's foetal alcohol syndrome and-"

"Spencer," Jemma cut him off. "I won't drink."

"Promise?" he pouted.

"I promise."

* * *

It was getting close to six as Jemma stood in front of the full-length mirror in Reid's closet, anxiously adjusting her pink tank-top, trying desperately to cover her belly. She had been putting off buying maternity clothes, hoping she could save as much money as she could for the baby. She sighed as she realized that it could not be put off much longer.

Jemma heard a knock on the door and went to answer it. She was hoping it was Spencer, but she doubted it was since he had called to tell her he was staying late at the office. Sure enough, Emily, Garcia, and JJ were at the door, ready to take Jemma out for their planned girls' night.

"Hey guys." Jemma greeted them.

"Hey," JJ said. "You ready?"

"Yeah." Jemma replied. "Where are we going? Cuz I kind of promised Spencer that I wouldn't drink tonight."

Emily grinned deviously. "Oh don't worry, we've got better R-rated fun planned."

A worried look came across Jemma's face. What the heck was Emily talking about and why did she make it sound so bad?

"But first we're taking you shopping." Garcia said. "You look like you could use a new wardrobe."

"But I don't have any money." Jemma protested.

Emily's grin only grew wider as she waved a shiny piece of plastic in the air. "Don't worry, we snagged Reid's credit card on the way out."

Jemma sighed in defeat and followed the girls out of the apartment.

* * *

Jemma groaned as Garcia threw another outfit into her fitting room for her to try on. She was tired, nauseous, and her feet were aching. Trying on the vastly different selections of her three friends was getting on her nerves and she just wanted to get out of the mall and go home. Jemma slipped into the neon coloured dress and examined herself in the mirror.

"Let's see it!" she heard Garcia call from the other side of the door.

Jemma rolled her eyes and opened the door without even getting a good look at herself, knowing she would not like the dress anyway.

"I told you orange wasn't her colour." Emily said.

"What about the pink floral one?" JJ suggested.

"No, try this one, Jemma." Emily said, handing her a a deep purple v-neck dress.

Jemma took the dress and quickly slipped into it. The quick glance she stole in the mirror peaked her interest though and she lingered for a closer look. She liked the way the dress hung on her and being her favourite colour just made her love it more. She smiled and exited the fitting room to show the girls.

"Wow!" Garcia said as Emily and JJ stared, speechless.

Jemma blushed and shuffled her feet. "Really?" she said bashfully.

"Yes, really!" Garcia said.

Just then, Emily happened to glace out of the store and noticed a familiar face at the nearby jewelry store. She inconspicuously nudged JJ and nodded in the direction she was looking. Both girls looked at eachother to confirm that what they had just seen was in fact real as Garcia continued to flatter Jemma.

"Oh, Jemma, why don't you try on this one?" JJ suggested, thinking fast.

Jemma wrinkled her nose at the brown and orange polka-dot dress in JJ's hands. "You're joking right?" she laughed nervously.

JJ shook her head, biting back her laughter. "No, I am dead serious." she said.

"Try it on or we'll buy it for you and force you to wear it at JJ's Christmas party." Emily threatened, forcing Jemma back into the fitting room to prevent her from seeing Reid buying a ring for her.

Jemma sighed and squeezed her way into the dress. She found it was awfully tight for a maternity dress. Looking at the brown and orange atrocity in the mirror, she nearly puked. She reached behind her to zipper the dress before stepping out to show the girls, but she could not reach. She groaned and jumped up and down a couple times, but still could not get the zipper up.

_Where's Spencer when I need him?_ She thought.

"Guys," Jemma whined. "Can someone come and zip me up?"

"No, you can do it." Emily said, stalling for time as she watched Reid still trying to decide on a ring. _Come on Reid, how hard can it be to pick a ring? _She thought, _It's Jemma for Christ's sake, she'd be impressed with a candy ring._

"Seriously guys! I can't get into this thing!" Jemma complained.

"Jemma, you're not that pregnant yet, you can do it." Garcia said.

Jemma grumbled something unintelligible and struggled again to zip the ugly dress. Just when she almost had it, JJ called to her, "OK, you can come out now." Jemma sighed in relief. "Oh, and you don't have to get the ugly dress." JJ added.

"Thank you!" Jemma exclaimed as she exited the fitting room.

Now that the coast was clear, the BAU girls helped Jemma carry all her clothes to the cash register. The girls laughed as Jemma gasped at the triple digit total on the register.

"Oh my gosh, you guys!" she said. "I can't spend this much of Spencer's money! This is ridiculous!"

"You act like you've never been shopping before." JJ laughed.

"Yeah, most of this stuff is on sale." Garcia pointed out.

Jemma blushed and bowed her head. "I uh... I've never had new clothes before." she confessed.

"Oh dear, that's just not right." Garcia said sympathetically. "Don't worry, honey, as long as I'm around, you'll never have to suffer like that again!"

Jemma laughed and hugged Garcia. JJ and Emily grabbed Jemma's bags and the four left the store. As they were walking through the mall, window shopping, one store caught Jemma's eye. She lingered behind the girls and entered the store.

Wandering through the racks of baby clothes, Jemma rubbed her belly and thought about just how real this was all becoming. She held a tiny blue shirt in her hand and wondered what the baby would look like. Jemma laughed when she discovered a little sweater vest that looked like something Spencer would wear.

"Promise me you will not let Reid pick clothes for the baby." Emily laughed, half serious.

Jemma laughed. "Don't worry, I won't." she agreed.

"So, do you know what you're having yet?" Garcia asked.

Jemma shook her head. "No, I've got my ultrasound sometime in January though."

"Did you and Spence ever uh... figure out who the father is?" JJ asked out of concern for her friend.

"Maybe, maybe not." Jemma grinned. "We've got something to announce at your party tomorrow."

The girls all exchanged glances. Profiling allowed them to make a more that accurate guess as to what the announcement would be. JJ and Garcia both visibly filled with excitement and Emily looked relieved for Jemma.

"So, have you thought of any names yet?" JJ asked.

"Have you gone shopping for the baby yet?" Garcia asked.

"No, and no." Jemma answered. "I'm actually kind of worried." she admitted. "I don't really have the money for anything and neither does Spencer really. There isn't even room for the baby in Spencer's apartment."

"Have you talked to him about it?" JJ asked.

Jemma shook her head. "No, it's a bit of a touchy subject with him." she replied. "I don't think he wants to be a father, I think he feels he's obligated to."

"Alright," Emily said, "Enough worrying! Today's your birthday, time for some R-rated fun!"

* * *

It was late when Jemma stepped into the apartment, but she found Spencer sitting in his armchair, reading under a lamp.

"You didn't need to wait up for me." Jemma greeted him, kicking off her shoes and shrugging out of her jacket.

"How was your night out?" Spencer asked, setting his book down.

"I didn't drink if that's what you're wondering." Jemma said flatly.

"If that's what I meant, that's what I would have asked." Spencer said. "I trust you, Jem."

Jemma smiled and tossed her many shopping bags on the couch before seating herself on the side closest to Spencer and angling her body towards him. "Here's your card." she said, reaching into her pocket and returning his credit card to him. "Thank you. You didn't have to let them take it, I would've been fine."

"But I'm supposed to take care of you, remember?" Spencer said. Jemma was unsure whether he meant because it was his job as an FBI agent, or because it was his duty as the father of her child. "Besides, I wanted to." he added, making Jemma feel like slightly less of a burden to him.

"Well, thank you." Jemma said again.

"So where else did you go?" Spencer asked.

Jemma laughed to herself. She found it amusing that he already had the role of protective father down pat. "Nowhere." she smirked.

"You're blinking rapidly." Spencer noted. "You're lying."

Jemma smiled playfully and stepped slowly towards Spencer. She got in the chair and straddled him, letting her red hair (which was now getting close to it's old length) fall around their faces like curtains.

"Your pupils are dilated and you're blushing." Spencer stated, oblivious to Jemma's sexual advances. "Where were you?"

Jemma just giggled. No way would she tell Spencer that she had went with the girls to see male strippers. She would take that secret to the grave with her. As long as the pictures on Garcia's camera did not make their way around the BAU, of course.

"Doesn't matter." Jemma said. "What matters is that I'm here, right now, on top of you."

Spencer blushed when he finally realized what Jemma was getting at. "Jemma, we really need to have a talk about the baby and... and us, don't you think?" he asked, his voice cracking on the "us".

Jemma looked him dead in his deep brown eyes and shook her head. "Not tonight."

"Jemma, I-" Spencer began to protest, but was stopped by Jemma's lips pressed forcefully against his.

"Please Spencer? I need this." Jemma begged.

It was not that Spencer was completely unaware to Jemma's desires, it was just that he was not accustomed to having a woman beg for him. Since what had happened to him in high school, he always assumed that it was too good to be true for fear of getting hurt. Jemma's lips on his neck and her hips grinding eagerly against his were rather convincing though.

"Please Spencer?" Jemma moaned. "It's my birthday."

Spencer smiled and gave in to her. He could hardly fool himself, pretending like he did not want her as much as she wanted him. She was beautiful, somehow even more now that Reid knew the child she was carrying was his. The thought of being a father worried him. He had only been happy upon finding on Jemma's behalf, he was glad she would not have to live the nightmare of having her rapist's child. Spencer really wanted to talk to Jemma about their situation, but those thoughts slipped from his mind as she unbuttoned his shirt and began to plant kisses on his chest.

* * *

**A/N: Yay! An update, finally! Sorry guys, I've been really busy with school stuff lately. I swear I'm working on a chapter of The Truly Natural Things right now too. I also apologize for not having a quote for this chapter. I was trying so hard to be consistent, but it just takes so long to find them now and I had no idea where to begin for this one since nothing really huge is going on right now. So if anyone has any ideas for a quote, let me know and I'll edit it in.**

**Thanks for reading and sticking with me through this journey! Please don't forget to review!**


	32. Chapter 32

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, except Jemma and my plot._

_A/N: No quote today, I'm lazy._

* * *

"How do I look?" Jemma asked eagerly as she stepped into the living room where Reid was waiting to take her to JJ's Christmas party.

Spencer's mouth hung open slightly as he took in the sight of her; long, lean legs leading up to a deep purple dress that hugged her hips, her ass, and the small bump of her belly and tied at her waist, showing some of her growing cleavage, then there was her face of course, faintly freckled, glowing and framed by her wavy, deep red hair. She was gorgeous, everything Reid could possibly dream of, but all he could manage to squeak in reply was, "Nice... Are you ready to go?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." Jemma replied.

Spencer stood up and helped Jemma put her coat on and lead her out of the apartment into the cold winter night. A light snowfall began just as Spencer opened the passenger side door of his rust bucket of a car for Jemma. They spent the drive to JJ's house in light conversation and maybe it was Jemma's presence, or maybe just her perfume, but Spencer felt dizzy, intoxicated almost.

When they arrived at the party, they were greeted by JJ, Will and a very excited Henry.

"Uncle Spencer!" Henry exclaimed as Spencer picked him up and hugged him.

"Hey buddy." Spencer greeted his godson, causing Jemma to wonder whether or not this "Reid-effect" the girls had mentioned to her was actually real.

Jemma did not have much time to ponder on the matter because within seconds JJ was hugging her.

"You look great, Jem." she complimented her.

"Thanks, this was one of your picks wasn't it?" Jemma laughed.

JJ just smiled and introduced her husband. "Jemma, this is Will."

"Nice to meet you, Jemma." Will said, shaking her hand.

"You too." Jemma said. "I'm glad to see someone here's got an accent thicker than mine."

Will laughed. "Oklahoma?" he asked, recognizing Jemma's accent.

She nodded.

"Henry, say hello to Miss Jemma." Will said to his son who was still in Spencer's arms.

"Hi." Henry said shyly.

"Hi, Henry." Jemma said, turning her attention to him. "It's nice to meet you. You look very handsome in your suit."

Henry smiled, but hid his face in Spencer's shirt.

"Hey, Pretty Boy and Jemma are here!" Morgan yelled from somewhere behind JJ and Will.

The couple stepped back and let Jemma and Spencer enter the house. Morgan approached them and wrapped them both in a hug.

"Derek, you're choking me!" Jemma gasped.

"Sorry, Lil Red." Morgan said, letting her go.

Jemma just rolled her eyes as Morgan stole Reid and Will away and she was left standing in the foyer with JJ.

"Is he...?" Jemma began, unsure as to whether or not it was polite to comment on how sober Morgan was.

"Yeah." JJ said as if it were nothing. "Come on, the girls are all in the kitchen."

Jemma hesitantly followed her and was greeted by Garcia and Emily who were pouring some wine.

"Jemma!" Garcia exclaimed. "You look great!"

"Yeah, you're glowing." Emily commented.

Jemma blushed and shook her head when Emily tried to pass her a glass of wine. "Spencer would have a fit." she explained.

JJ offered her a soda, but Jemma refused that too. "I'm not allowed caffeine either." she sighed. "And he'd have to test your water before I drank it."

"Wow. How do you live with him?" Emily asked.

Jemma shrugged. "It's just his own twisted way of showing he cares I guess. I get my revenge though."

Emily made a face, thinking Jemma was referring to her and Reid's sex life.

"I secretly dog-ear his first editions whenever he does something to tick me off." Jemma smirked.

The girls all laughed. It was clear that Spencer Reid had finally met his match. She was smart enough to keep up with him, and beautiful, but she also made up for many things he lacked; quick, fierce wit and enduring, resilient soul. Now if only Spencer and Jemma could see this, things might be easier for them.

The girls soon decided to join the boys in the living room where Jemma sat on the edge of one of JJ's brown suede couches, feeling out of place and trying to keep up with the conversation around her. She rested her hand unknowingly on her belly as she watched Spencer playing with Henry, thinking that he was better than what his coworkers gave him credit for. Jemma did not realize though that someone was watching her watching Spencer.

"Hey Jem, I'm going to get another glass of wine," Garcia said. "Come to the kitchen with me."

Jemma snapped back to reality and stood up and followed Garcia to the kitchen.

"OK, spill." the tech goddess ordered.

"Spill what?" Jemma asked, honestly confused as to what her friend was talking about.

"There's something you're not telling me and I have a feeling it has to do with Reid and the baby." Garcia said bluntly. "What's going on?"

Jemma opened her mouth to answer, but was cut off by a very drunk and very loud Derek Morgan.

"Whoa man, congrats!" he slurred in the living room, loud enough for everyone to hear.

Jemma sighed and put her palm to her forehead.

"Morgan, we were trying to keep it quiet!" Spencer said. "Thanks a lot."

"Why keep it quiet? It's great news, man!"

Jemma leaned on the door frame and caught Spencer's attention.

"Maybe we should just tell them now, Spencer." Jemma said, looking at all the confused and shocked faces in the room.

Spencer stepped toward Jemma and nodded. Jemma smiled and took his hand in hers.

"We got a DNA test done." Jemma said. "And uh... Spencer's the father."

Jemma felt a weight lift off her shoulders, but a lump formed in Spencer's throat. The more they said it, the realer the situation got. He was scared about becoming a father and had no idea what to do about it.

Spencer's co-workers took their turns congratulating the parents to be. By the time Rossi finished giving a toast to them, Jemma began to yawn and wanted to go home. They bid everyone a goodnight and a Merry Christmas then stepped out into the night.

The snow was falling more heavily than it had when they had left Spencer's apartment, but not in a way that would make driving home a problem. Jemma was blushing and still holding Spencer's hand. They looked like a Christmas card as they walked across JJ's yard toward Spencer's car.

"I'm glad we finally told them." Jemma said. "Even if it was technically Derek who told them."

Spencer nodded, but did not say anything in reply.

"Have you told your mother yet?" Jemma asked.

Spencer shook his head. He took a deep breath and got down on one knee on the snowy walkway. He looked up at Jemma as her coffee brown eyes widened. She was so beautiful, so smart, so... indescribably amazing to him. He knew that a proposal probably was not appropriate at this point in their relationship. Actually, he was pretty sure that at least one of the people involved should actually call it a relationship before one proposed, but these were different circumstances. Jemma was carrying his child. Spencer knew the statistics about children who had only one parent, he'd lived it. He also knew how religious Jemma was and that she would probably not want her child – _their _child – to be born a bastard. Jemma also needed a family, people she felt safe and comfortable around and Spencer wanted to give her that because she had already given it to him.

"Jemma," he said, shaking as he took the small golden box from his pocket and opened it for her to see. "Will you marry me?"

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it's so short! I just needed that to be a cliffy.**

**So today I found out that I recieved a pretty big scholarship. I'm so happy! **

**Anyway, reviews would be lovely. What did you think. Critiques? Please?**


	33. Chapter 33

_Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, but I do own Jemma._

**"Don't be afraid to see what you see." - Ronald Reagan**

* * *

Jemma could not breathe. Her throat closed up and any words that might have escaped her lips were choked back as her eyes began to water. Her head was spinning and she felt like her whole world had been turned upside down. She felt like she might be sick to her stomach as she stared at the small diamond on the small gold band in Spencer's hand.

Spencer, still kneeling in the snow looked up at her, his beautiful brown eyes pleading for a response.

Jemma struggled for a moment to make her answer come out of her mouth. "No." she said, shaking then covering her face so she would not have to see Spencer's pained expression.

"But what about the baby, Jem?" he asked, each syllable tearing the back of his throat.

Jemma continued to shake her head. "No, Spencer. I'm sorry, but no. Just... no. I can't."

"Yes, you can!" Spencer insisted. "Just say yes!"

"It's not like that." Jemma sighed. "You don't understand. Sure, I could say yes, but Spencer, marriage isn't just something you do. It requires a lot of thought and you need to be one hundred percent sure and I'm not. It wouldn't be fair to either of us if I said yes now."

"I could give you a list of reasons why it's right." Spencer pouted.

"Spencer, stand up." Jemma sighed.

Spencer did as he was told.

"Spencer, it's not that I... It's not that I don't like you, but I mean, we're not even together!"

"We're not?"

"Well, no one's ever said we were." Jemma said.

"Do... Do you want to be?" Spencer asked.

It was the question Jemma had been waiting months to hear. She had not wanted it to sound like this though, desperate and needy.

Jemma sighed and shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it right now. I'm tired and nauseous."

Spencer nodded and opened the car door for her. Jemma felt guilty as they drove back to his apartment, watching as he fought his tears the entire drive. When they arrived at the apartment, neither was sure what to do next. Normally they would watch a movie or talk about books then eventually go to bed and fall asleep in eachother's arms, but it did not seem appropriate to do so tonight.

"I guess I'll pack my stuff and call Emily to come get me." Jemma said, assuming Spencer would not want her to live with him after she'd rejected him. She would only be using him if she stayed and she did not want to hurt him anymore.

"What?" he asked, shocked. "Why? Jemma, I'm not kicking you out. I wouldn't do that to you."

Jemma nodded. "Alright, well, I guess I'm going to go to sleep." she said, making her way toward the couch.

"Jemma, you can have the bed. Your back probably hurts enough as it is." Spencer said.

She nearly screamed, annoyed at how nice he was being to her. It would hurt less if he would just call her a bitch and tell her to get out. She went to bed and curled up under the covers.

Jemma did not fall asleep though. She hugged a pillow and tried as hard as she could not to cry. She hated that she had to say no to Spencer, but she had to. With her mother long gone, the promise she made to her on her deathbed was all she had to cling to now. Spencer would never understand it though. Jemma wished that her family was still alive so she would not have to keep her promise to not marry the first guy who knocked her up. She wished that her and Spencer could have had the chance to have a normal relationship, uninterrupted by PTSD and an unplanned pregnancy.

The deeper Jemma thought, the more her fears began to creep up on her and she realized she would be suffering from night terrors tonight. Admittedly being selfish, Jemma got out of bed to ask Spencer to fight away her demons for her. When she found him though, he was not how she expected him to be.

Sitting on the couch in his office, Spencer had a bottle of scotch half emptied. His cheek were blotchy and his eyes were red, but he could not bring himself to look at Jemma when she entered the room.

"Spencer?" she said nervously as she stepped toward him.

He stared past her as if she was not there.

"Spencer, what's wrong?" Jemma asked.

She sat down beside him and reached out to put her hand on his knee, but he flinched away.

"Spencer, you're not the reason I said no." Jemma sighed. "You're an amazing man and I'd be a fool not to marry you, but I made a promise to someone that I have to keep."

Spencer ignored her and poured himself another drink.

"I know it sounds stupid, but I promised my mother on her deathbed that I wouldn't marry the first boy who knocked me up." Jemma said. "My mother had a pretty hard life. She was abandoned at birth and spent her life being beaten by different foster parents. When she got pregnant with Joey, she married Dad so she could get out of the system, but she didn't realize what she had gotten herself into. She made me promise her that because she wanted a better life for me, all she wanted was for me to be happy. Everyone else broke their promises to her, but I won't."

"No," Spencer said, taking a long swig from the bottle of scotch. "I'm just not good enough for you. Sure I can get you pregnant, but I'm too nerdy, too awkward, and not manly enough for you to marry."

"Spencer, that's not it at all!" Jemma insisted. "If that were the case, that's what I would have told you."

"I just want to make you happy." Spencer said, the tone of his voice softening.

"Then stop drinking." Jemma said, folding her arms across her chest. "Alcohol is no cure for heartbreak and you just hurt more people."

Spencer looked deep into Jemma's eyes and saw the truth in what she said. She ought to know from experience. He sighed and sat down the scotch.

"Now seriously, what's wrong?" Jemma asked.

"What's wrong? You told me you won't marry me and you're asking me what's wrong?" Spencer replied.

"It's obviously something more than that, or are your insecurities really that deep?" Jemma regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth, even more so when Spencer began to cry. "OK, come on, let's get you to bed, darlin'." Jemma said, wrapping her arm around Spencer and helping him up.

In the bedroom, Jemma helped him undress then slipped beneath the covers beside him. Spencer laid his head on her chest and continued to cry.

"Spencer, please, what's wrong?" Jemma asked. "I don't like seeing you like this."

"I'm scared." he admitted. "And hurt."

Jemma felt her chest tighten. She gently stroked Spencer's hair in an attempt to comfort him.

"What are you afraid of?" she asked.

"I'm not going to be a good father."

Jemma froze, afraid that Spencer was going to tell her that he did not want the baby. Of course, this contradicted their fight several nights ago about putting the baby up for adoption. "Spencer, I... I thought you wanted this. You were so happy when we found out that he's yours."

"I was happy because you were happy." Spencer explained. "I'm terrified, Jem. Kids don't like me. I never even thought I'd ever be in a situation like this. What am I supposed to do?"

Jemma giggled and brushed a piece of hair out of Spencer's face. "Darlin', you're going to do just fine." she assured him. "You clearly already have a paternal instinct with all the worrying you're doing. And the baby is going to love you, you're his daddy!"

"My genetics though, Jemma!" Spencer urged. "If he's anything like me, he'll have the same awful childhood as I did. Plus I could pass the schizophrenia gene on to him, or worse, I could still get it and he'll have to take care of me like I took care of my mother and I don't want to put him through that. Or I could end up being like my father and leave."

"Spencer, if you're worried about leaving, then chances are you're not going to leave." Jemma said. "If he gets schizophrenia, we'll deal with it when the time comes and we'll love him anyway. If you get it, I'll be taking care of you too. Are you forgetting the baby has another set of genetics?"

Spencer rolled his eyes. "Great, I'm going to leave and you're going to be an abusive alcoholic."

"Spencer, my father may have hurt me, but he wasn't that bad." Jemma sighed.

"That's a typical thing for an abuse victim to say." Spencer said.

Jemma thought back to her life in Morrow Springs and the abuse she suffered at the hands of her father. She remembered his death quite vividly though and shuddered when she heard his last words ringing in her ears. Fighting the urge to breakdown, Jemma tightened her grip on Spencer.

"My mother was an amazing mother." Jemma said. "I'd be happy to even be half as good as her."

"I'm sorry, you'll be great." Spencer said.

"And so will you." Jemma said firmly.

Spencer shook his head. "Saying something over and over doesn't make it a fact."

Jemma rolled her eyes. "Life's not just about facts, darlin'." She kissed the top of his head in an attempt to comfort him. "Maybe you should talk to your mom about this."

"Jemma, she's a paranoid schizophrenic." Spencer said. "Plus I haven't even told her about the baby yet."

"She may be schizophrenic, but she's your mother and she had to raise you, which I'm assuming was significantly harder than raising an average child. Seriously though, darlin', you need to talk to her about this and you need to tell her about the baby... in person."

Spencer sighed and nodded.

"You best go while you still have time off." Jemma suggested.

Spencer realized that to do so, he would be missing Christmas with her. Before tonight he had been looking forward to the holiday, but now he was unsure about it. "Are you sure, Jem? I'll be missing Christmas."

"Yeah, go, I don't mind." Jemma said sincerely. "We'll have our Christmas when you get home. I think Emily could use some company anyway."

Spencer nodded and sighed, relieved to have sort of resolved his issues. He did not notice putting his hand on Jemma's belly, but he found himself tracing circles absentmindedly around her naval.

"You'll be able to feel him kick pretty soon." Jemma said. "My ultrasound is next month. You'll book the day off work, right?"

"Yeah, sure." Spencer said, his attention still fixed on Jemma's belly.

"Spencer, darlin', we've got things we need to talk about soon." Jemma informed him.

Spencer sighed and looked up at Jemma. He saw the worry in her eyes and shifted so that she was now in his arms, still rubbing her belly. "I know." he said.

"So, uh... how are we in financial terms? Can we even afford to feed him?" Jemma asked. "I make minimum wage and anything I had saved went to my online courses."

"Well, he'll definitely be fed and clothed, but we don't really have enough to be buying anything extravagant." Spencer said.

Jemma nodded. She had not planned on buying anything ridiculously expensive for the baby. It wasn't like a price tag would matter to him anyway. "What about his room?" she asked. "We're going to need a bigger apartment."

"Jemma, we can't afford a new apartment, unless you want to get another job." Spencer said.

"OK." Jemma replied, feeling slightly hurt. "You can always move your desk out of the other room and put it in the living room, right?"

"Maybe." Spencer said.

Jemma sighed and changed the subject when she realized that Spencer would not be giving up his office that easily. "So, will you be taking any time off of work when the baby gets here?"

"I guess so."

"You guess so?" Jemma repeated. "Don't you want to you know, bond with our baby?"

"I'm sorry, Jem." Spencer said. "This just doesn't seem real to me. I never thought I'd be a father, I never thought I'd have you sleeping beside me every night. Before I met you, my life was work. It's hard to adjust, Jem and I'm afraid that if I do get used to it I'll lose you."

Jemma grinned. "Spencer, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere." she assured him with a kiss on his chest. "I'm carrying your child. Even if I wanted to leave, I've got nowhere to go."

Jemma understood fully what Spencer was feeling now. After lives so full of loss, both avoided love in fear of losing it. Of course she would not vocalize her observation though, afraid that it might be wrong and that things could blow up in her face if she said anything. She fell asleep in Spencer's arms, content with what they had between them for now.

* * *

**A/N: I know, I know, it's been far too long. I'm sorry. I've been busy and I haven't really been myself lately. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. Please review to let me know what you think!**


	34. Chapter 34

_Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds._

**Some men just aren't cut out for paternity. Better they should realize it before and not after they become responsible for a son. -Lois McMaster Bujold**

* * *

Reid yawned and settled into his seat. He closed his eyes and gripped the arm rest of his seat as the plane took off, doubting he would ever get used to commercial flights. As he closed his eyes, he remembered quite accurately how Jemma's head had rested on his chest all night and wished he was still in bed with her. Once the plane was in the air and riding smoothly, Reid fell asleep and dreamed about Jemma until he was awoken by the turbulence of the plane landing in Las Vegas.

* * *

Jemma sighed sleepily and rolled over to where Spencer had been laying only to discover he was gone. She stretched then pulled the blankets tightly around her in an attempt to preserve his warmth and scent. She knew that what he had to do was important, but it did not stop her from missing him. After spending several minutes daydreaming, Jemma reached to the nightstand to grab her phone to check the time when she found a piece of paper. It was a note from Spencer.

_Jemma, I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye, but you just looked too peaceful to wake up. I'll call you tonight. I'll be home as soon as I can, but I don't know how long that will be. I want my mother to fully comprehend what I'm telling her, so I'm going to stay here until she's in the right state of mind. Merry Christmas, Jem, have fun with Emily. Call me if you need anything. -Spencer_

Smiling faintly, Jemma folded the note and returned it to the nightstand. She then picked up the phone and dialled Emily's number.

* * *

Entering the sanitarium was always uncomfortable for Reid. Feelings of guilt overwhelmed him as he walked past the vast array of patients. He hated himself for sending his mother to live in such a horrible place and he hated himself even more for never visiting.

"Hello, Doctor Reid." a tanned young nurse with long brown hair pulled back in a ponytail greeted him. "We weren't expecting to see you here today."

"Yeah, sorry I didn't call ahead, this trip was a bit of a last minute kind of thing." Reid explained. "How is she?"

"Well, she has good days and bad days. She loves your letters though," the nurse smiled. "She talks about you to anyone who will listen, she's really proud of you."

"How is she today though?" Reid asked.

"Today she's pretty lucid." the nurse replied.

"Thanks." Reid said then walked past her to the room where his mother was sitting in a leather armchair reading an old tattered book of poems that Reid recognized from his childhood.

"Spencer! What are you doing here?" Diana asked, shocked to see her son. "And why do you look like you've been up to something?"

"Hi, Mom." Reid said timidly.

Diana raised an eyebrow. "You never come to visit. Something is going on. A mother always knows."

"Mom," Reid said, taking a deep breath and sitting in the chair opposite his mother, "I'm having a baby."

* * *

"So he just left you home alone for Christmas?" Emily asked Jemma for what felt like the millionth time as they pulled their third batch of cookies from her oven. Emily was thankful to have Jemma spending the holiday with her as it gave her an excuse not to see her mother and she was finally getting some use out of her kitchen which she could count the number of times she had used since she moved in on her fingers.

Jemma nodded.

"What the hell is wrong with that boy?" Emily demanded. "Can I have permission to kick his ass?"

"I told him it was fine." Jemma said calmly.

"But he's not supposed to go because it's not really fine." Emily protested.

"It really is fine," Jemma insisted. "He needs to do this. I'm five months pregnant and he hasn't even told his mother yet. Plus he's got his own issues to sort out. It's fine, really."

Emily gave Jemma a sideways glance, wondering if it really was fine. Jemma was strong, but Emily feared that soon she might just snap.

* * *

"No, Spencer, some girl is having your baby." Diana corrected her son. "Is it that Jemma girl you've told me so much about?"

Reid looked baffled. How could his mother possibly know it was Jemma? "What? What makes you say that?"

"From what you've wrote to me, you're obviously in love with her." Diana said. "So if it's not, you've got some explaining to do."

Reid turned a bright shade of red. "I'm not... I don't... Jemma and I aren't at that stage yet." he insisted.

"Oh shush," Diana said. "That's what crazy people say. Take it from me, I'm locked up in here with hundreds of them." This made Reid feel even more guilty for putting his mother in the sanitarium and he felt more obliged to listen to what she had to say. "You love her and you're afraid of it. You're afraid of this baby too. If you weren't you would have written to me about this, but instead you're here. What is it that's bothering you, Spencer?"

Reid sighed and put his head in his hands. "Do you think I'll be a good father?" he asked.

"Oh Spencer, I know you will." Diana replied. "Why? You don't think you will be?"

"I don't know." Reid sighed again. "It's not like I really had the best example to learn from."

Diana took her son's hands in hers and looked him dead in the eye. "Spencer, you're stronger than him, you always have been."

"Mom, I'm scared." Reid admitted.

"Well, you should be. Babies aren't like those pet rocks you had when you were a kid. You actually have to feed them, change their diapers and make them stop crying."

"I know, Mom."

"If you're really that worried, maybe you should talk to your father." Diana suggested. "Not that he'd offer you any help, but maybe you'll finally see that you're not him."

* * *

"Hey," Emily said as she poked her head into the guest bedroom of her apartment. "How're you feeling?"

Jemma looked up from the book she was reading and replied, "I'm alright."

"OK, well, I just wanted to sat goodnight. Let me know if you need anything." Emily said then closed the door.

"Goodnight." Jemma called to her friend then went back to her book. She smiled faintly as she continued to read _What To Expect_ and daydreamed about the baby. The ring of her cell phone jolted her from her thoughts though. "Hey Spencer." she answered cheerfully.

"Hey Jem."

"How's Vegas?" she asked, putting her book on the nightstand and snuggling deep into the pillows.

"Bright, loud, significantly warmer than Virginia." Reid replied. "How's my baby?"

Jemma grinned playfully. "I'm just fine." she replied.

Reid smiled, happy to hear Jemma flirt like she did when they first met. "I meant my other baby." he said.

"Well, we haven't spoken in awhile. Here, why don't you talk to him? And while you're at it, can you tell him that Aunt Emily is all out of mayonnaise so we can't be eating it straight from the jar again until tomorrow?"

Reid laughed as he heard Jemma move her phone to what he assumed was her belly. "Hi, baby." he said, feeling extremely awkward. "Please be nice to your mommy. Mayonnaise isn't good for you either, you should be having vegetables and milk, OK? I'll be home soon, I love you."

"Thank you." Jemma said, bringing the phone back up to her ear. "So how'd it go with your mother today?"

"Better than I expected." Reid replied. "Mom's actually thrilled to become a grandmother."

"Awww... that's great." Jemma said. "I'm getting pretty excited now too since you're finally on board with this. So, are you coming home tomorrow?"

"No, actually," Reid replied, feeling bad about letting Jemma down like that. "I'm going to stay another day. Mom suggested I talk to Dad."

The smile disappeared from Jemma's face and she felt the same pain and fear that Reid felt about visiting his father. "Spencer, you know you don't have to if you don't want to."

Reid sighed. "I don't want to, but I have to for the baby, Jem. Mom thinks it'll help."

"Alright." Jemma said. "Thank you for doing this."

"No problem." Reid said. "You should probably get some sleep now. I'll call you tomorrow and I promise I'll be on the first flight home once I'm done with him."

"OK." Jemma yawned. "I'll talk to you then. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Jemma heard Spencer hang up then closed her phone and shut her eyes. She fell asleep wishing he was beside her. For the first time in a long time, Jemma did not see the Beast when she closed her eyes. Maybe things were finally looking up.

* * *

"Mr. Reid will see you now." the receptionist waved Spencer into his father's office.

"Spencer?" William said looking up from his desk. "What are you doing here?"

"Mom told me I should see you." Spencer shrugged.

"What? Why? Is something wrong?" William asked.

Spencer stared at his father and felt the years of suppressed anger begin to rise up inside of him. He tried to look past his anger though in order to answer his father's question; _was _something wrong? Why was he here in the first place? What could he possibly learn from his father? How could this possibly help him?

"Why did you leave?" Spencer finally blurted out.

"Spencer, you know why I left." William replied. "I thought we were past this."

Spencer became even angrier upon hearing this. How could his father possibly think he had moved on? The years of pain and anger and confusion could not have been resolved the last time he saw his father.

"Alright, let me rephrase that." Spencer said. "_How _could you have left?"

William was taken aback. "What do you mean, Spencer?"

"Don't play stupid, you know what I mean. How could you have left? I understand that you couldn't handle Mom anymore, but what about me? Did you think I could?"

"Well, you did." William said.

"That doesn't mean I should have!" Spencer yelled. "It's not fair! I was just a kid! Didn't you love me?"

* * *

Jemma was washing the breakfast dishes and humming along to the Patsy Cline CD she had brought with her to Emily's. Emily was out running some errands and most importantly getting a new jar of mayonnaise. As she soaked her hands in the warm, soapy water, Jemma felt as if someone was watching her. She shrugged it off though, she had this feeling almost daily and she assumed she was just losing her mind. Jemma's phone began to ring on the counter and she dried her hands and turned down the volume on the stereo before answering.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hi, Jem." she heard a familiar voice on the other end of the line.

"Shawna?" Jemma said in disbelief. "Is that you? What's wrong? You don't sound too good."

Jemma heard her friend sniffle as if she had been crying. "Jemma, I miss Joey." she whimpered.

Jemma stopped dead in her tracks and nearly hung up the phone. How could her friend possibly think it was acceptable to call her and whine about missing _her_ brother? "Shawna, I miss him too, but why are you so upset right now? It's Christmas." Jemma said, masking her anger.

"I wanted to tell him that I loved him." Shawna slurred.

"Are you drunk?" Jemma asked.

"Maybe." Shawna replied.

Jemma let out an angry scream and slammed her phone shut. She was mad at Shawna for being so selfish, but she immediately felt guilty. Shawna was in trouble and she needed her right now. Jemma sighed and picked up the phone to redial Shawna's number.

"Hey, Shawn, it's Jem, I'm sorry." she said. "I shouldn't have freaked out like that. I miss him too, I guess everyone just copes in different ways. If Amelia were here, she'd tell us both to go to church."

"Yeah." Shawna said, sounding quite distant and sad.

"Maybe you sh-" Suddenly a sharp pain shot through Jemma's midsection and she screamed in agony. "Oh no," she said when the pain subsided and she caught her breath. "Something's wrong. I have to go."

* * *

Spencer had the answer to his question, the answer to this whole problem that he could not even articulate a question for. His father hadn't loved him. If he did, he would not have left him. Spencer may have been scared by Jemma's pregnancy, but he knew that he loved his baby. He would never leave like he feared he would, even if he wanted to.

Realizing this made Spencer want to leave his father's office and get home to Jemma as fast as he possibly could. His father was still busy trying to make excuses for himself though.

"-and I just couldn't do it anymore. Why did you come here just to hear all this again?"

"Because I'm going to be a father and I needed to know that I wouldn't be like you." Spencer said.

William looked shocked. "What? Well, congratulations."

Spencer ignored him though because just then his phone rang. "Hey, Jemma." he said, recognizing her number.

"Spencer, something's wrong." Jemma cried. "I'm bleeding."

Spencer felt his chest tighten in fear. "Calm down, Jemma," he said, panicking. "Just breathe. Where's Emily?"

"She went out." Jemma answered.

"Alright." Spencer said, trying to calm himself down. "Call Emily and get to the hospital, OK? I'll be there as soon as I can."

* * *

**A/N: Thank you all for reading! Sorry it's taken so long to update, I haven't really been myself lately. Huge, HUGE thank yous go out to Cassadee Willows for helping me write this chapter. If y'all haven't read her stories yet, you definitely should. **

**Anyway, reviews would be greatly appreciated. Let me know what you think of the chapter or the whole story in general. All pleasantries aside, I've really been questioning myself as to why I'm even still writing fanfiction anymore. **


	35. Letter to readers

Well hello there dear readers,

As you all have probably noticed, the Threshold series and Gaze Back Into You have been on hiatus since May and I've been working on a new story in the Supernatural fandom (which is also now on hiatus). I want to apologize for the lack of posts. This summer I was all "Yeah, I'm gonna update every day!" then my summer got pretty crazy and stressful and then I moved and started university which has been a major time-suck.

Words cannot express how truly sorry I am for keeping all my loyal readers waiting and I hope that you're all still loyal because the Threshold series and Gaze Back Into You are coming back! That's right! I've never stopped thinking about my stories since I went on hiatus and I realized what my problem was – I've been spending too much time thinking of things that are much too far ahead and not on the present situations I've gotten my characters into. My goal for the next month is to update each of my stories at least twice. With that being said, I am currently working on Chapter 11 of The Truly Natural Things and hope to have it published by Sunday night or Monday morning. A new chapter of Gaze Back Into You will be coming soon as well, but I have not yet set a deadline for myself and I have to prioritize with all my upcoming exams.

Thank you all for staying with me through this journey in the last year. University has really changed me (especially my writing) and I'm really hopeful for the future. If y'all are interested, you can check out the other projects I have started such as my new fanfiction in the Supernatural fandom, Down The Road and my new blog, .com.

Down The Road is the story of a young psychic woman named Alexa Zeppelin who is running from her mysterious past and fighting other people's demons instead of her own. She meets the Winchester brothers and soon the walls she has worked so hard to build up are torn down by the person she least expected. Join this trio on an adventure that includes love, demon hunting, classic rock, classic cars, moving on, and letting go.

My new blog, UnintentionallyAuthentic is an eclectic mix of everything I love. From writing to art to beauty to humour, UnintentionallyAuthentic has a little something for everyone. Follow me on Wordpress, especially if you have experience with the site and can lend a hand as I get my blog started.

Once again, thank you all for sticking around through all of this. I can't wait to publish some new chapters and hear from you all again soon.

Happy Holidays,

ceegeeayy


	36. Chapter 35

_Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, just Jemma and my plot._

**Future shock is the shattering stress and disorientation that we induce in individuals by subjecting them to too much change in too short a time. -Alvin Toffler**

**Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one. -Hans Selye**

* * *

Jemma awoke, slightly dazed and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She looked to the chair where Emily had been sitting through the night (or possibly day, Jemma was confused as to how long she had spent in the hospital), but was surprised to see Reid in her place.

"Hey, you're awake." he said excitedly, standing up from the chair and making his way to Jemma's bed.

"Hi." she said timidly, shying away when Reid took a seat on the edge of her bed.

A dejected look came across his face and he hung his head for a moment before saying, "So Emily told me everything."

Jemma looked at Reid and noticed his eyes were red as if he had been crying. She was both shocked and touched that he cared this much. "Yeah, they said it was just because of stress, but I could have... I could have l-lost..."

Spencer reached out to wipe a tear from Jemma's cheek, but she backed away.

"I don't... I don't know what I'd do." Jemma continued. "I've l-lost everything, every_one_."

"Jem, I'm here." Reid assured her, stretching his hand out for hers.

Jemma shook her head and buried her face in her knees.

"Jemma, please don't do this." Reid begged her. "You've been doing so well, and you said it yourself, _stress_ caused this. Please just... just trust me."

Jemma looked up at Reid, her big brown eyes wet with tears. "Why?" she choked.

"Because I care about you, Jem." he replied. "And I care about our... our baby. Please Jemma, we need to work together on this. If you just trust me I can help you."

Jemma nodded then threw herself into Reid's arms, letting her tears flow freely. Spencer pulled Jemma into his lap and rubbed her back while she sobbed into his shoulder.

"Will you go to therapy, Jem?" Reid asked when her sobs began to ease.

Jemma stared blankly at him.

"I know you don't want to, but please, for the baby?"

Jemma bit her lip and nodded tearfully.

"We can do this, Jem." Spencer said, reassuring himself as well. "After everything you've conquered, I know you can handle this. I'll be here for you through it all too."

"Thank you." Jemma whimpered. She hugged Spencer, but she was so exhausted from all the stress that she soon fell asleep.

Spencer remained by Jemma's bedside for the rest of the night with her hand in his. Occasionally he would brush a piece of fiery red hair out of Jemma's face or place his hand on her belly and whisper in her ear when she looked to be having a night terror.

Reid was reminded of the days spent in the hospital with Jemma after Colwyn had tried to kill her. They had come so far since those days, but at the same time they had made such little progress. Jemma had survived, she had moved in with Reid, they were having a baby. Reid never would have thought even when he met Jemma that this would happen, that he would have a beautiful, intelligent woman sleeping in his bed every night. At the same time Jemma was in no better state of mind since the murders, she had lost so much and it seemed to only get worse, not to mention the BAU had not yet caught Colwyn and was farther from catching him than the night he killed Jemma's family.

"Hey, Reid," Emily said, poking her head in the door. "How is she?"

Reid shook his head. "She's had these night terrors since the night he raped her." he said, not taking his eyes off of Jemma. "I just don't want her to lose the baby to this when so many mothers do so much worse."

Emily handed Reid a cup of coffee and pulled up a chair beside him. "You see her at her worst, Reid, you really do. You see the night terrors and the breakdowns. You've had to talk her out of killing herself." Emily took a deep breath and paused to see if Reid was actually taking any of this in. When she saw that he was listening intently, sneaking the occasional glance at Jemma, she continued, "I've seen some of her best moments since I've met her though. I know you've seen it too, but they're overshadowed by all the bad you see. Reid, she survived one of the most vicious attacks we've ever seen, she's fought for her life, she's fought for you, she's fought for your baby. She can do this."

Reid nodded. "I know she can. I'm ready to take this on if she can't."

* * *

"Good morning, Miss Cavanaugh." a doctor awoke Jemma. "How are you feeling?"

"Ugh..." Jemma groaned, unhappy about being woken. "Better I guess. Still tired though..."

Feeling Jemma remove her hand from his, Reid awoke. He had only fallen asleep a few hours prior and it was no help to his jet lag. He stretched, rubbed the sleep from his eyes then looked intently at the doctor.

"Well, we've been over your charts and we're going to put you on bed rest for awhile." The doctor said, flipping through some papers on a clip board. "The baby seems to be doing fine, but it's best to play it safe. We were able to change your ultrasound to today, so you can get that done before you leave and save yourself a trip back in. I'm also going to give you a prescription for an additional prenatal vitamin."

The doctor left and Reid helped Jemma pack her stuff to leave. In the washroom Jemma changed out of the hospital gown and into a pair of sweats and a tank top that Emily had brought her.

In the ultrasound room Jemma's muscles tensed as the ultrasound tech approached her with the blue goo that she would have to apply to her abdomen. It was not as cold as she had expected and Jemma began to relax. She watched silently and nervously as an image of her baby formed on the screen in front of her.

Jemma allowed a few silent tears to stream down her cheeks as she looked at the tiny feet and hands. She couldn't believe there was actually a human life growing inside of her. She felt stronger now than she had felt since the Beast had torn her apart. There was a tiny little life inside of her and it was up to her to be strong for it, it was up to her to beat the PTSD and the grief and take care of her baby.

Reid was beside her, fixated on the screen. Jemma was too fascinated with the image of the baby to notice the tear that slipped from Reid's eye. Before this moment their baby had only been an abstract thought for Reid. He had never actually imagined holding his child. He wondered who it would look like; himself or Jemma. He wondered what its first word would be, if it would be a genius like him or just a normal kid. He thought about which books he would to it first and how they would spend the time he had off between cases.

Jemma and Reid's thoughts were both interrupted when the technician spoke up, "Would you like to know the sex?"

"Oh, I already know it's a-"

"SPENCER!" Jemma yelled. "Don't you dare!"

"What?"

Jemma was now turned slightly so she could see Reid. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

Reid gave her a puzzled look. "Why? We'll need to paint the nursery an appropriate colour and pick a name. Plus Garcia won't be very happy with us if she doesn't know what to shop for."

Jemma rolled her eyes. "Spencer, you know that gender identity is socially constructed through stereotypical things like colour. We could go with a sexually ambiguous name, _Spencer_. You also know that Garcia will be even happier if she gets to shop for a boy and a girl and can return what we don't need. You just know you can't keep a secret and want me to agree to letting you tell me so you don't feel guilty after it slips out."

Reid looked at his baby on the screen in blue and black and sighed. He was used to people sharing secrets with him because they knew he had no one to tell. It was a lonely life. Now that he had his own secret and no one to tell it to he felt even lonelier. He would suffer in silence though, anything to make Jemma happy.

"Fine, you win." he admitted defeat.

Jemma smiled and looked back at the screen. She watched at the baby moved and realized that it had just heard that entire fight. She remembered when she heard her parents fight when she was young and how sad it made her to hear them yell. She remembered that babies can actually cry inside the womb, a fact Reid had told her and felt guilty.

She sighed. "OK, tell me."

"Really" Reid asked, shocked that Jemma would change her mind of this.

Jemma nodded.

"We're going to have a daughter." Reid smiled.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Sorry it was so late and so short. The gears are already turning for the next chapter though and the next chapter of The Truly Natural Things is already in progress. **

**Thank you all for the support you've shown for this story since I began. Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays to all my readers. The greatest present of all (next to baby Jesus, life, a cure for cancer, the end of poverty and hunger, ect.) is reviews, so please leave some under my tree! Please? I've been so good all year! **

**-ceegeeayy**


	37. Chapter 36

_Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds. Jemma and all my OCs are mine though._

**Desire is individual. Happiness is common. -Julian Casablancas**

* * *

A week after leaving the hospital Jemma was back at work in the library, climbing a ladder to return books to the shelves. She was almost through all the books on her cart when her phone rang in her pocket, causing her to almost fall from the ladder. She turned bright red after the initial scare, embarrassed that she had forgot to turn her phone off while at work. Jemma checked her caller ID and saw that it was Reid calling. She put him on hold and dashed back to the break room where she could answer the call.

"Hey, Spencer." she answered in the sweetest voice she could muster.

"Hey Jem, where are you?" Reid asked.

"I'm at home." Jemma lied. "In bed."

"You're out of breath." Reid pointed out. "And you put me on hold."

"I was uh... I was cooking and I started a fire and needed to save the apartment from burning down." Jemma tried.

"You expect me to buy that?"

"Fine," Jemma sighed in defeat. "I'm at work."

"Jem! You're on _bedrest_! As in, _stay in bed_!"

"Spencer, stop yelling at me, please!" Jemma begged.

"Jem, you know what can happen if you put any more stress on your body." Reid pleaded. "Just go home and rest, please?"

"I was going to stay home, Spencer, really, but I can't just sit there and let my mind wander all day." Jemma said. "I started thinking about everything we need for the baby and then I was thinking about how broke I am and I was stressing about how we're going to afford this so I went to work because-"

"Jemma," Reid interrupted. "Don't worry about it. We'll be fine, I swear. You never needed a job in the first place, I wouldn't have offered to take you in if I couldn't support you. I'm not saying I'm rich, but the baby will have everything she needs."

"Spencer, I can't just rely on you like that, I-"

"I know you're too stubborn to rely on anyone, but she's _our_ daughter." Reid said. "You're not in this alone."

Jemma was silent on the other end of the line. Her whole life she had no one to rely on but herself. Financially, emotionally, physically, she had been completely alone. She had raised her sister all by herself, why should raising her daughter be any different?

She thought of all the things Reid had done for her since the night she lost her family. She liked to think that she had _chosen_ to let him take care of her, but she knew deep down that she had not had much of a choice being as broken as she was. It was almost impossible for Jemma to imagine life without Reid now, but she had a hard time imagining the both of them raising their baby together. A picture perfect suburban life was something Jemma knew she could not have, not after what she had been through and not with Reid's job. She did not feel like she deserved to be that happy. Anything less than picture perfect was revolting though, some forced, loveless marriage to Reid just reminded her of the shotgun weddings her friends from high school had had.

"Jemma?" Reid said. "Jem, are you still there?"

"Oh, uh... yeah." Jemma replied, snapping back to reality.

"Go home and get some rest, please." Reid said. "You don't have to spend all day in bed, just relax. I'll be home tonight, it doesn't look like we've got any cases coming in today."

"Alright." Jemma agreed and hung up the phone to go talk to her boss.

* * *

"Hey, kid, how was your Christmas?" Derek asked, taking a seat at his desk.

"Oh, it was good I guess." Reid replied.

"You guess?" Derek repeated.

"Well, Jemma got sick." Reid said, downplaying the entire fiasco. "But we got an ultrasound done and we know what we're having."

"What?" Emily said, standing up from her desk. "Jemma never mentioned that. Let me see."

"Yeah man, don't hold out on us!"

Reid held the brown envelope containing the ultrasound picture away from Derek and Emily. "Garcia will kill me if she's not the first person to see this." he said.

The trio of profilers left their desks and went to Garcia's office. The door was closed and Derek was the first to knock.

"Speak, mortal!" they heard Garcia yell to them from her desk.

"Hey, Baby Girl, open up." Derek said. "I've got something you might wanna see!"

"Enter, Chocolate Thunder!"

Derek opened the door and Emily and Reid followed him. They found Garcia and JJ laughing over something on one of Garcia's computer screens.

"What do you have to show me?" Garcia asked. "Why are you all in here?"

"_I_ don't actually have something to show you," Derek said. "But Reid does."

Reid blushed and stepped forward, handing Garcia the envelope.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Jemma's ultrasound picture."

Garcia opened the envelope and looked at the blue and black photo. She was speechless. JJ, Emily, and Derek all crowded closer to see.

"Wow," JJ said. "Who would've thought Spence would be having a baby?"

"Technically Jemma's having the baby." Emily said, a hint of contempt in her voice.

"I still can't believe you ever got with a girl like Jem." Derek said to Spencer.

"Boy or girl?" Garcia asked excited.

"Girl." Reid replied.

"Yay! I finally get to shop for pink things!" Garcia exclaimed.

"Ha! You owe me twenty bucks!" Emily laughed at Derek.

"Dammit." he mumbled.

"You guys were betting on the sex of my child?" Reid asked, shocked.

Emily bit her lip and blushed. "Yeah."

"You're not mad are you, Pretty Boy?" Derek asked.

Reid shook his head and smiled. "Not really, but maybe we should keep this from Jemma."

The room erupted in laughter and for the first time in a long time Reid felt like things might be OK.

* * *

It was early February and Reid had just returned from a week long case in Oregon. He turned his key in the apartment door and dropped his bags and kicked off his shoes. It was only quarter past seven, but he was exhausted. His plans to grab a quick bite to eat before turning in for the night were interrupted when he heard a noise from down the hall.

That noise turned out to be Jemma cursing at inanimate objects in Reid's office. "God dammit! Why are you so heavy, you stupid filing cabinet?" she panted, attempting to drag the filing cabinet into the hallway.

"Jem, what are you doing?" Reid demanded.

Jemma let out a little scream. "Spencer! Oh my God! Don't sneak up on me like that! Do you want me to go into labour right now? Holy crap..." She had been on edge lately, feeling eyes on her whenever she walked past a window or left the apartment. She and her therapist both reasoned that it was just nerves and she was working on getting over it. "When did you get here?" she asked, cooling down some.

"I just walked in the door." Reid replied. "What are you doing to my office?"

Jemma sighed and put her hands on her hips dramatically. "I'm moving it to the living room."

"But why? There isn't room for all of this in the living room."

"Well, the baby sure as hell isn't going to be sleeping there!" Jemma exclaimed.

Reid should have seen this coming. Of course Jemma would be going through the whole "nesting" faze right now, the baby was due in three months. He had not put much thought into it before now, but he saw that Jemma had a point. Where were they going to put a nursery in his tiny apartment?

"You're not supposed to be putting any stress on your body, Jem." Reid reminded her.

Jemma gritted her teeth and balled her fists. "I know that, Spencer, but I seem to be the only person around here who's actually trying to prepare for this baby!"

"I know I've been busy with work lately, Jem, but I promise you we'll figure this out." Reid said. "I promised you in the hospital that you wouldn't have to worry anymore."

Jemma looked up at him with tears welling in her deep brown eyes. The last week had been lonely and exhausting despite being confined to the apartment. She hated being stuck there because her mind wandered and lead her to places she did not want to go. Her only tactic for avoiding the flashbacks was to focus on the baby and worry about everything she could think of. All she wanted right now was some sympathy and she knew Reid stood no chance against the threat of her tears.

"Come here." he said, wrapping her up in a hug. "I've got the next few days off work, maybe we can look for a bigger apartment."

"Can we go shopping for the baby too?" Jemma asked, batting her eyelashes.

"Sure." Reid smiled back at her. "Have you ate yet?"

Jemma shook her head.

"Chinese food and Lord of the Rings?" Reid asked, knowing the answer would be yes.

Jemma laughed. "You know me too well."

Reid went to the kitchen to call their favourite Chinese restaurant and returned to the living room to find Jemma on the couch, trying desperately to reach her toes on the coffee table.

"Jem, what are you doing?" Reid asked.

"Trying to paint my toenails." Jemma pouted. "I can't reach anymore."

Reid laughed and sat on the couch beside her.

"Can you?" Jemma asked.

"You want _me_ to paint your nails?"

Jemma nodded and swung her feet around so that they were in Reid's lap. He took them in his hands and she burst into a fit of laughter.

"No! Stop!" she squealed. "No! It tickles! Stop, Spencer!"

Spencer laughed and let Jemma's feet go. "Just relax your muscles and it won't tickle."

"I don't believe you." Jemma said.

"Trust me, I'm a doctor." Reid said.

Jemma hesitantly put her feet back in Reid's lap and he held them again. "You have a PhD, you're not a podiatrist." she grumbled.

"I have three PhDs." he reminded her. "Wow, your feet are really swollen."

"That's what happens when you're pregnant, genius." Jemma said.

Jemma melted as Reid began to massage her feet.

"Mmm... thank you." she purred.

"What colour?" Reid asked, reaching his hand into the large basket of nail polishes Jemma kept on the coffee table.

"Guy Meets Gal-veston." Jemma replied.

Reid gave her a puzzled look. "What?"

Jemma giggled. "That's the name of the colour. It's on the label."

Reid just stared blankly at the collection of polishes.

"It's pink." Jemma hinted.

Reid searched for a few minutes and finally found the shade of pink Jemma requested.

"Don't get mad if this doesn't turn out right, OK?" Reid said before starting. "I've never done this before."

"Well I would hope you'd never done this before." Jemma giggled.

Reid smiled at her. He wished their relationship could be like this every day. He remembered when they first met and how hopeful he had been. Any chance at a normal relationship was ruined the night Jemma watched her family get slaughtered. Reid still blamed himself for letting it happen. Things had just fallen apart for them after that night, but tonight was perfect.

Jemma watched Reid as he worked on her toes. She loved the expression on his face, the same expression as when he was reading or focused on a case. Tonight reminded her of why she had fallen for him in the first place. She wanted so badly to love him, but she knew that she lost everything she loved and the baby was already more of a risk than she could handle. The longer she watched him the surer she was that tonight her walls would come down, but only for tonight.

"Done." Reid said, putting the cap back on the bottle of nail polish and returning it to the box on the table.

"Thanks." Jemma smiled sweetly back at him.

Reid smiled and blushed.

"I hope she has your amazing cheekbones." Jemma said, causing Reid to blush more.

"I'd rather she look like you." Reid said.

Jemma smiled then she felt the baby move inside of her. "Oh!" she exclaimed. She grabbed Reid's hand and pressed it against her belly. "Feel that? She's kicking!"

Reid's eyes widened in amazement. He kept his hand on Jemma and moved closer so that she was almost in his lap. With his free arm wrapped around Jemma's back he pressed his ear up to her belly too. His heart skipped a beat when he finally felt her kick.

He looked up at Jemma in awe. "That was... so weird."

Jemma raised an eyebrow. "You think your daughter's weird?"

"No, I mean, it's just so... unbelievable." Reid said. "She's inside you now, but in a few months we'll be able to hold her..."

"Are you crying?" Jemma teased.

"No."

"Liar."

Reid opened his mouth to protest, but Jemma cut him off with a kiss. She put her heart and soul into that kiss. She had no idea why she was letting her walls fall down tonight, but if Reid asked she would blame her hormones.

"Thank you," Jemma said when they broke apart, "For everything you've done for me, Spencer. I... I honestly don't know how I would have made it through everything without you."

"I couldn't just leave you to cope with everything on your own, Jem." Reid answered.

Jemma smiled and rested her head on Reid's shoulder. They settled in and watched the movie in silence interrupted only by the delivery of their supper. Every so often Jemma would give Reid a light kiss on the cheek or collarbone. Eventually Reid realized that this was an invitation to kiss her in return so he did so. He kept his hand on Jemma's belly the entire time, hoping to feel another kick from the baby.

"Two Towers has always been my favourite." Jemma said as the second movie began.

"Why Two Tower?" Reid asked.

"Eowyn of course!" Jemma replied excitedly. "She's the real hero of this book."

Reid smiled. Of course Jemma would love the butt-kicking heroine. If Eowyn had red hair he would probably be convinced they were the same person.

"Can we name the baby Eowyn?" she asked.

"Really? Eowyn?"

Jemma shrugged. "Why not?"

"Well, it's a little strange." Reid said. "Do you really want to have to explain her name to everyone?"

"I like it." Jemma said stubbornly.

"It doesn't sound right." Reid argued. "Eowyn Reid?"

"Who says she gets your name?" Jemma asked.

Reid sighed. He actually was not too opposed to the name, but he had one very sound objection to it. "Colwyn." he said, ready for Jemma to break down at the sound of her attacker's name.

"Oh, I kind of forgot that thing had a name." Jemma said surprisingly casually. "Well, what would you name her?"

Reid was caught off guard. "I uh... I never really thought about it." he admitted.

Jemma rolled her eyes. "Typical man." she mumbled. "Well, I already have her middle name picked out, so we can build on that."

"What's her middle name?" Reid asked. "Why didn't you tell me you had it picked out?"

"Well, I had it picked out before I even knew I was pregnant." Jemma said. "Amelia Louise."

Reid smiled. It was better than he expected and he was pleased even though he had wanted to give the baby his mother's name. He knew how much this meant to Jemma.

"Do you like it?" Jemma asked.

"I love it."

Jemma sighed in relief. "Any suggestions then?" she asked. "I can go get the name book if you want."

Reid laughed. "You actually bought the book?"

Jemma nodded.

"Jemma, I have an eidetic memory, I know the meaning of pretty much every name in existence. Not to mention you could look it up online."

Jemma blushed. "When I was at the bookstore getting some pregnancy and parenting books the saleswoman told me I should get it. I didn't want to look like a horrible mother."

Reid laughed again. "You're not a horrible mother, Jem."

"What do you suggest we call her then?" Jemma asked in an attempt to get back on track with their conversation. Going down this road would only lead them to talk of her little sister.

"I like Sophia." Reid said. "It means wisdom."

Jemma rolled her eyes. "Of course you'd like that. I'm not naming her Sophia though. It's too popular and it's too soft."

"Well, it is increasingly popular." Reid mused. "What do you mean by 'too soft' though?"

"It's too pretty." Jemma said. "I just imagine some airhead teenager with a spray tan and about 30 pounds of makeup on when I hear it. It'll be the Jessica or Ashley of her generation."

"How can it be too pretty? We're having a baby girl, not a biker chick."

Jemma burst into laughter. "Darn, I was just going to say we call her Spike." she joked. "What about Scarlett?"

"Scarlett Amelia Louise Reid. Doesn't sound right." Reid protested. "Plus people would call her Scar."

"Alexa."

"Phoebe." Reid said. "It means bright and pure and it comes from Greek mythology."

"I was never a huge fan of Friends." Jemma said, Reid completely missing the reference. "What about..." she paused to yawn, "Watermelandrea?"

"Are you serious?" Reid asked. "Where did you find that one? I've never heard of it let alone know its meaning."

"Internet." Jemma yawned.

Reid looked at the clock and realized how late it was. They would need to get to sleep soon if they wanted to begin searching for a new apartment at a decent time the next day. "Bed?" he suggested.

Jemma nodded drowsily. "Alright, but I have a favour to ask." She shifted in Reid's arms to whisper in his ear.

Reid smiled and kissed her forehead. "Of course." he agreed.

A wide smile spread across Jemma's face. "Thanks, darlin'." she said, her accent coming through a little more than usual.

Reid had noticed since Jemma had moved in that her accent was slowly disappearing, but when she was tired it got thicker. He helped her off the couch and held her by the waist as they walked down the hallway to the bedroom. He thanked whatever stars had aligned to make him lucky enough to have such a perfect night with Jemma as he closed the bedroom door behind him and she began to clumsily undo the buttons of his shirt.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, fluffy, I know. Expect the next few chapters to be pretty fluffy. I'd feel like a horrible person if the baby was born into one of my terrible cliffhanger chapters. OK, I guess they won't be _all_ fluff, but there will be some. **

**Oh, so Guy Meets Gal-veston is a real OPI nail colour. You can try on their colours on their website and I thought that one was so Jemma. **

**The name argument was fun for me to write because I've been having the name fight in my head since I decided Jemma would get pregnant. A couple mentioned here were ones that I'd chosen then changed my mind on. Watermelandrea is not one of them though. That's from a Youtube video that's actually pretty funny.**

**Also, as for the quote for this chapter, it doesn't seem very fitting, but I love Julian Casablancas. I also don't believe that he means happiness is common as in easily found for everyone. I'm pretty sure he means common as in shared with others and that's what this chapter is about. Jemma and Spencer both have their individual worries, insecurities, and problems, but they can be happy together when they work at things.**

**On a more serious note, I can't thank you all enough for sticking with this story. I recently went back to the start and re-read and was just blown away by how far this has come. I originally meant for this to be a pretty short story, like no more than 10 chapters, but after what happened to Jemma, I felt guilty ending the story where I did. A story is not a story without some character growth, so I decided to let both Jemma and Reid grow. I never intended for her to get pregnant either, but sometimes accidents happen (or there's a sadistic author controlling your life who makes "accidents" happen). The baby is part of Jemma's growth though. Everyone still has a way to go before this story is over though, and in a way, no story ever really ends. I was going to ask you all a question, but then I realized it gave away too much of the story, so I'll wait a while longer.**

**So, what do you think? Your reviews fuel my productivity, so click, click, click that review button! ...Please? *Sad puppy dog eyes***


	38. Chapter 37

Disclaimer: I do not own CM, just my OC and such.

* * *

Spencer hung up the phone and exhaled nervously. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

"The next crime scene photos you guys see will be of my dead body." he said to Prentiss and Morgan who both looked at him in confusion.

"What?" they asked in unison.

"Jemma's going to kill me." Spencer clarified.

"What did you do this time?" Prentiss asked.

"We went house hunting this weekend and we found one that was perfect. It was kind of expensive, but Jemma really wanted it so I said we'd take it." Spencer explained. "The bank just called. I can't afford it." His voice began to quiver. "How am I going to tell her? Everything I do upsets her and she's not supposed to be under any stress and-"

"Whoa, hold up, man." Morgan stopped him. "_Why_ do you need a house in the first place?"

"There isn't enough room for the baby in our- _my... _our apartment." Spencer replied. "Jemma and I spent the entire weekend trying to find a bigger and more suitable apartment and decided to look at houses when none of the apartments met our standards. I guess we got ahead of ourselves. She's so excited for this house, it'll break her heart."

Morgan and Prentiss exchanged a look. Both knew how difficult it could be to stop Reid from getting to carried away when he was convinced of something. They were accustomed to his genius, but it could be hard to see him during the times where he became a slave to his own mind, ceaselessly worrying over worst-case scenarios.

"Jemma will understand, Reid." Prentiss assured him. Jemma was familiar with a frugal lifestyle and had always settled for less without complaint, why would this time be any different?

Spencer shook his head. "No, no she won't." he protested. "You didn't see the way her face lit up when we were there. I haven't seen her so happy in a long time. She hasn't stopped talking about this house."

Prentiss rolled her eyes. There was definitely no way in talking Reid out of this.

"You need to tell her then." she sighed. "If she's really as attached to the place as you say she is, it's best to tell her now before it gets worse."

Spencer nodded. He left his desk, taking his cell phone with him.

* * *

"Hello?" Jemma answered the phone.

"Hey, Jem." Spencer greeted her nervously.

Jemma sighed. "You really don't need to call and check on me four times a day, Spencer, I'm fine, everything's fine."

"I'm sorry, Jem." Spencer said. "What are you doing right now?" he asked, still too nervous to tell Jemma about the house.

"Well, I was packing some of my stuff back into my boxes, but I took a break to look online for some stuff for the house." Jemma replied.

"Yeah, about that..."

Jemma's heart stopped for a second. She was used to disappointment in her life by now, but she hoped desperately that she had imagined the tone in Spencer's voice. "What about it?" she asked, fighting as hard as she could to keep her voice from quivering.

"I can't afford it, Jem. I'm sorry."

Jemma fell silent. She bit her lip and choked back a sob, telling herself there was no point in crying over this.

"Jemma, are you OK? Are you still there?" Spencer asked.

"Yeah, I'm OK." she lied.

"Are you sure?" Spencer pressed. "I know how much you loved that house."

"Yeah, I'm fine." Jemma insisted. "I mean, I've got a little bit of money saved up and I haven't touched any of the money Joey and my dad left me. When the baby comes and I can work again, I'll just get my own place and you won't have to be bothered by us anymore." With her now trembling hand Jemma ended the call and threw the phone at the bedroom wall, leaving a sizable hole in it.

* * *

Morgan and Prentiss watched Spencer from their desks. It was clear that Jemma had not been happy to hear his news. They continued to watch as Spencer paced in circles and shook his head.

"Think we should help him out?" Morgan asked.

Prentiss thought for a moment before responding. She had been rather hard on Spencer since that day Jemma had shown up on her doorstep, drenched from the rain and her own tears. Spencer was her friend after all, maybe there was a chance they could help both Jemma and Spencer by fixing whatever relationship they had.

"How?" Prentiss asked.

Morgan shrugged. "Honestly, I'm not sure if this is a 'Reid has problems with women' thing or a 'Reid has problems with Jemma' thing."

"I think it started in the first and turned into the other." Prentiss suggested. "I mean, he actually proposed to-"

"Reid? Proposed to Jemma?" Morgan repeated in disbelief.

"She said no." Prentiss finished.

"He's coming back," Morgan noted, "Be cool."

Prentiss picked up a pen and pretended to be completing some kind of form and Morgan rifled through his desk for some imaginary object.

"Hey, how'd she take it?" Morgan asked when Spencer sat at his desk.

Spencer shook his head. "Not so good." he replied. "She said she'd take the baby and move out as soon as she could, then she hung up on me."

"You know, if you weren't so damn proud, I'd offer you a solution." Morgan said.

"A solution?" Spencer repeated.

Prentiss looked at him with just as much confusion as Spencer did now.

"I guess I'm too nice to make you beg for it." he said. "Are you forgetting all the property I own?"

"Morgan, no. I can't-"

"Let me finish, Reid. You can pay me rent – next to nothing, until you can buy the house or a bigger one or whatever."

"Jemma would never-"

Morgan shook his head. "Jemma doesn't have to know. Besides, if she's still paying for school, it's best her name is nowhere near a mortgage or the deed to a house."

"I still can't let you do this, Morgan." Spencer protested.

"You can and you will." Morgan insisted. "I owe you."

"But we've never counted debts here." Spencer said. It was true. The BAU would be a mess if each agent felt the need to repay a teammate every time they'd saved their life or helped them out in anyway. Part of what made them such a great team was that no one owed each other anything, but they still helped each other out of loyalty.

"This is what friends do, kid."

Spencer could have hugged him, but thought it best if he refrained. The look he gave him said it all.

"Thank you."

Morgan nodded. "You're welcome."

"You know, if Jemma finds out, we're all dead." Spencer said, knowing how reluctant Jemma was to accept any form of charity.

"It'll be our little secret." Morgan said, looking to Prentiss to confirm her part in the deal. She nodded. "And of course, Garcia will know. I can't keep anything from her."

* * *

Jemma stared out the window of Spencer's car as they drove through some small suburb where the houses all looked relatively similar. When he had returned from work and asked her to go house hunting again she had refused. Why should she get her hopes up again? But Spencer had insisted that she see this one house he'd found. She refused again, but Spencer asked her to at least try to forgive him for the first house and started to ramble about the psychological damage domestic disputes can have on a child. Jemma finally caved when Spencer got a sad, pitiful look in his eyes and began talking about seeing his own parents fight.

Spencer made a right turn and Jemma noticed that they were now in a cul-du-sac at the very edge of the suburb. There were only four houses and they pulled into the driveway of the small white one at the very end.

"This is it?" Jemma asked.

Spencer nodded and got out of the car, going around to open Jemma's door for her. Jemma got out and observed the house. It was a one-story bungalow, not much bigger than her house in Morrow Springs. She smiled when she saw that the backyard ended at a densely wooded area instead of a neighbour's fence. The house on the right was also white, but looked to be uninhabited. There was a smaller yellow house to the left whose yard was littered with tricycles and baseball equipment. At least she wouldn't be the the only mother out here.

"Where's the realtor?" Jemma asked nervously. The quiet, empty street was making her feel a bit uncomfortable now.

"It's uh... it's for sale by owner." Spencer replied.

"Then where's the owner?"

"Oh," Spencer blushed and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "He uh... he left it unlocked for us."

Jemma shot him a suspicious look, but knew Spencer would never even think of doing something like breaking into a house so she followed him inside.

The foyer opened immediately to an open-concept living room/dining area. It was bare except for the kitchen appliances Spencer told her would come with the house. It was nothing remarkable or extraordinary, nothing she did not already expect of this house.

To the right was a hallway that lead to three bedrooms. The master bedroom had its own en-suite bathroom, one of the few things Jemma had not expected from a house so small. The smallest of the bedrooms, the one she figured could be the nursery had the same white walls and basic pine trim as the rest of the house, but large bay window with its built-in seat gave it a cosiness the others did not have. Jemma found herself imagining all sorts of different decorating themes and realized she was in love with it already. Although it was probably just a coincidence, she felt the baby move inside her and knew that she would be even more heartbroken if this deal didn't work out.

"So, what do you think?" Spencer broke the silence.

Jemma spun around to look at him. She needed him to see in her eyes how much she really loved this house. "It's perfect, Spencer." she said, resting her hand on her belly.

Spencer grinned. "Perfect because it's ours." He took the key and held it out to Jemma, letting her know that it was for real this time.

Jemma covering her gaping mouth with both hands and winced to keep herself from crying. "Really?" she asked, her eyes sparkling.

"Really." Spencer confirmed.

Jemma laughed and threw her arms around his neck. Spencer held her as tightly as he could until she decided to break free from their embrace.

"When can we move in?" she asked, her face lighted with excitement.

"As soon as you want." Spencer smiled in reply.

* * *

**A/N: Yay! The finally have somewhere to live!**

**Sorry it's been so long. There's really no excuse for it, but between moving home, going back to work, and writer's block, it's been difficult. The other night I decided to go and re-read the whole story so far and that really helped get things rolling. **

**Anyway, reviews pretty please? And nothing mean please. I mean, if you've got a legitimate complaint or something about the story, I'm all ears, but I do not feel like being attacked again. It's kind of sad that I have to ask not to be attacked on here really. **


	39. Chapter 38

_Disclaimer: I do not own CM. Unfortunately._

* * *

It was two thirty-six am and Jemma had just fallen asleep in her and Spencer's new bedroom when she was woken by a sudden snapping noise. She told herself it was only the television, which she kept on when Spencer was away to make the house seem less empty and shut her eyes tight.

"Or it could have been him. Lurking outside the house. Stepping on a twig." a voice in the back of her mind argued.

Jemma rolled over to face the window, to get more comfortable she told herself.

"Or because you know he's out there."

She turned down the volume on the television so she could get back to sleep.

"Or so you can listen for him again."

It was not that Jemma was really having a conversation or an argument with herself. At the current stage in her recovery her therapist was working with her to identify the behaviours caused by her PTSD so they could ultimately break the habits. It had brought to Jemma's attention several new habits such as a fear of windows and the formulating of escape plans in new situations, but she now found herself questioning every action, every thought.

If Spencer were in bed beside her instead of sleeping in his Colorado hotel room right now he would tell her that her reaction to the noise was only natural, a reflex dating back thousands of years to when life was truly fight or flight and we actually benefited from having our senses thrown into overdrive when scared. If Spencer were in bed beside her he would hold her closer and tell her she was safe. If Spencer were here she would have slept right through the noise.

Jemma took a deep breath and tried to pull herself together. There was no need to get worked up over a noise she only thought she heard. The doctor had told her that all the stress was not good for her. She had no desire to be hospitalized again, no desire to put her little girl at risk.

_SNAP!_

On second thought, maybe the best way to protect her would be to have that gun in the nightstand ready. Just in case.

Jemma tried to take calm, steady breaths as she unlocked the case and readied the gun. Maybe she should call someone, but that would just tie up her hands and let the Beast know she was aware of his presence, allowing him to rethink his attack, sneak past her defences.

_CLANG!_

Jemma leaped from the bed, slipped into the closest pair of shoes she could see and sprinted for the door, gun still in hand. Before she even knew what she was doing she found herself banging on the neighbour's door.

A short blonde woman in a light blue housecoat answered the door and screamed, "Ah! Don't shoot me! Jer, help!"

There was a lot of commotion, heavy footsteps, lights turning on, dogs barking, children crying. Jemma's head spun.

"Tiff!" a man – tall, muscular, brunette - now stood beside the woman in the foyer of the house.

"We'll give you whatever you want," the woman sobbed, "Just please don't hurt the children. Please."

Jemma had been too terrified to think about how it would look to her neighbours when a stranger came knocking at this hour, dishevelled and holding a gun.

"No, no!" she panted. "I'm your neighbour. Someone's trying to kill me."

"What?" the couple asked in unison.

"He's lurking around the backyard." Jemma elaborated. "Please, you've gotta help me!"

"I'll go check it out." the man told Jemma. "Don't worry, I'm a cop. Tiff will take you inside. No one come out until I tell you it's clear."

Jemma simply nodded in reply, feeling as if she might collapse at any moment. The woman, Tiffany lead her through the house to the living room where she motioned for her to take a seat on the couch.

"You're shivering." Tiffany remarked. "Do you want a blanket?"

Jemma nodded again, unable to force even the simplest of words past her lips.

"Here you go." Tiffany said, draping a thick fleece throw around Jemma's shoulders. "Are you OK for a minute while I go put the kids back to bed?"

Jemma nodded.

"Just give me a shout if you need me." she smiled as she disappeared down the hallway.

Jemma liked Tiffany already. Her voice was calming and her smile was warm. She reminded her of her mother.

While Tiffany was gone, Jemma observed her living room, more as a means of distraction than out of curiosity. The photos on the walls were of Tiffany, her husband, and three young sons, two of whom appeared to be identical twins. All three boys had their father's looks and what Jemma believed to be the most adorable dimples she had ever seen. The furniture in the room matched, but was not a set, nor was it expensive. Attempts had been made to hide stains on the carpet and crayon marks on the walls, but were visible to anyone who looked hard enough. Jemma assumed that her neighbours were humble, modest people raising a loving family. As soon as the thought ran through her head, Jemma hated herself for sounding so much like a profiler.

"How're you holding up?" Tiffany asked as she re-entered the room. "Oh my gosh, you're still shivering!"

"No, just shaking actually." Jemma corrected her. "My nerves... between the PTSD and the pregnancy, they're not really holding up too well."

Tiffany's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "PTSD?" She paused for a moment. "Oh my gosh! I _thought_ you looked familiar, but I told myself it couldn't be, not pregnant and everything, but I was right!"

"Right about what exactly?" Jemma asked cautiously.

"You're the girl from the news!" Tiffany exclaimed excitedly. "You're the one who survived that serial killer!"

"I was on the news?" Jemma asked, slightly stunned. She had had no idea, but then again how could she? The weeks following her attack were a cloud of nightmares and sedatives. Not to mention Spencer had probably kept any newspaper far away from her.

Tiffany nodded. "Yeah, you were pretty famous there for awhile. I can't believe they still haven't caught that monster. They run the story on America's Most Wanted from time to time, but I just can't believe it, and the stupid FBI isn't doing a damn thing..."

"The case went cold." Jemma said, defensive of the team she'd grown to love. "They're doing their best. In fact they're doing far more than they were ever obligated to do. They've protected and supported me, given me everything I've needed, chased the nightmares away, filled the spaces where my family would be..." She no longer knew if she was speaking of the BAU or of Spencer.

"Tiff!" a voice called, interrupting the conversation just in time to avoid a rift between the new neighbours.

Tiffany and Jemma both rose from their seats and followed the voice outside, around the fence to Jemma's backyard.

"Well, I found your problem." Tiffany's husband laughed, pointing his flashlight at something on the ground.

Jemma looked in the direction he was pointing and saw both her garbage and compost bins had been upset, their contents scattered across the yard. The only evidence the perpetrators left was a frenzy of footprints, clearly a pack of raccoons. Jemma nearly collapsed from the relief she felt and laughed so hard her ribs hurt.

"I am _so _sorry I bugged you for this!" Jemma apologized. "I'm just gonna let you all get back to sleep. Thanks for your help!"

"You're welcome!" Tiffany called as Jemma stumbled up the stairs to her back door. "If you need anything else, just give us a shout!"

"Thank you!" Jemma repeated as she stepped inside, locking the door behind her.

She dragged her exhausted and embarrassed body back to bed where she snuggled in, hoping this time she could finally fall asleep. Within minutes she was calmed and asleep with the television blaring and her arms wrapped around Spencer's pillow, inhaling his scent.

* * *

It was ten o'clock the next morning when Jemma opened her door to find Tiffany standing on her porch, two steaming mugs of coffee in hand.

"Good morning!" she chirped. "How'd you sleep after last night?"

"Uh, fine I guess." Jemma said, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Perfect!" Tiffany exclaimed, already inviting herself inside. "I was so worried about you after everything you said about your PTSD and serial killers last night, I could hardly sleep and while I was awake I realized I never did introduce myself. I was meaning to drop by when you and your husband moved in, but I'm so busy with the boys and I wanted Jeremy to come with us and he's all, work, work, work. So, I'm Tiffany Keller and that was my husband, Jeremy you met last night. He's got the boys for the day, some male bonding thing..."

"Oh, I'm sorry I worried you last night." Jemma said, hoping to get Tiffany to stop long enough to take a breath. "Spencer, my uh... Spencer is in Colorado for work and I get kind of jumpy when he's not around."

"Oh, what kind of work does your husband do?" Tiffany asked.

Jemma, now sitting in an armchair across from Tiffany was beginning to feel rather uncomfortable with their conversation. "Spencer's not my husband."

"Oh, sorry, boyfriend." Tiffany corrected herself.

"He's not really my boyfriend either." Jemma said, biting her lip. "He's uh... he's one of the FBI agents working my case."

"Oh my God, I'm sorry!" Tiffany exclaimed. "So the baby..."

"Spencer's." Jemma answered the question before it could even be asked.

"Well that's-"

"Confusing?" Jemma finished Tiffany's sentence for her. "Yeah, I guess it is. Nothing has really made sense in a while, not in my life anyway. Which I guess leads me to ask, what exactly are you doing here anyway?"

"I uh... I don't really have any friends since I got married." Tiffany confessed. "I was kind of hoping that we'd be friends, but I guess I've made things kind of awkward, huh?"

Jemma now felt guilty about her hostility toward Tiffany. After mentioning the media coverage of her family's murders the previous night, Jemma naturally assumed that her neighbour was just being intrusive.

"I'm sorry." Jemma apologized. "I know how you feel. Since... that night the only people I've had to talk to are Spencer and his coworkers. I mean, I love them all, they're like my family now, but it would be nice to have a friend who's not always flying across the country to hunt down serial killers."

"Well, I don't think you have to worry about me chasing serial killers," Tiffany laughed, clearly more at ease with Jemma now, "I faint at the sight of blood."

* * *

"Jemma, I'm home!" Spencer called, dropping his bags as soon as he stepped through the front door.

"Come here!" he heard Jemma reply from somewhere down the hall. He followed her voice to the empty room they had designated the nursery before they had even moved in. Only the room was no longer empty, it had transformed almost magically into a photo from a home decorating magazine.

"You didn't do this yourself, did you?" Spencer asked, examining the pink and green paint on the walls. "Inhaling paint fumes-"

"No, the most I've done was hang the curtains." Jemma cut him off. "Jeremy did the painting."

"Who's Jeremy?" Spencer asked, the jealousy apparent in his voice.

"Our neighbour." Jemma answered. "I met him and his wife, Tiffany while you were gone. They offered to help me out. Why do you sound so jealous?"

"Well, I thought this was something you and I were supposed to do. Together." Spencer answered, hoping to cover the fact that he was jealous of her being around another man.

Jemma felt a pang of guilt. She had wanted to do this with Spencer, but he was always busy with work. She could only assume that he was uninterested. "I'm sorry. You were gone so long on this case and I've been so worried about being prepared. Jer and Tiff were just trying to be helpful when they offered. There's still the crib to be put together. Tiff said there's some kind of code of masculinity that says you have to do that."

"Alright." Spencer admitted defeat. He felt bad leaving Jemma home alone so often, but he was trying to save vacation days for after the baby came, when Jemma would really need him around.

"Do you want to start now?" Jemma asked.

"Isn't it kind of late?" Spencer asked. "Besides, we've got six weeks left."

"Yeah, _six weeks_."

"I don't go back to work until Monday." Spencer said. "Besides, there's something I wanted to ask you tonight."

"The answer's no." Jemma replied stubbornly.

"I haven't even asked yet." Spencer said. Before he could ask he found himself distracted by a cluster of picture frames on top of the dresser he had been leaning against.

He recognized some of the faces in the photographs; Jemma, Elizabeth, Amelia, Shawna. Two photos, side-by-side caught his attention. The first was of a woman who could be mistaken for Jemma if it weren't for her bright blue eyes and the aged look of the photo. She wore an ill-fitted wedding gown that almost hid that she was pregnant. Holding her hand and smiling was what could only be Jemma's father before age and alcoholism had caused most of his blond hair to fall out or turn grey and his brown eyes to turn red and glassy. The photo almost made it difficult for Spencer to hate Jemma's father for what he had done to her. Almost.

"How old was your mother when she got married?" Spencer asked.

"Seventeen." Jemma answered curtly.

Jemma's answer to his proposal made a little more sense to Spencer now. Of course she would want to avoid making the same mistake her mother did. At least it was a lot less personal to take the rejection that way and gave Spencer more confidence in what he would soon ask Jemma.

Before he could ask Jemma his question, he studied the second photo partly out of curiosity and partly out of need for a distraction. The photo was of Jemma and a young blond man with the same blue eyes as Jemma's mother. The two were smiling and hugging, Jemma in a blue and white cheerleading outfit, pom-poms still in hand and the boy in his football uniform.

"I didn't know you were a cheerleader."

"There's a lot you don't know about me." Jemma said.

"I know." Spencer sighed. "Who's the guy?"

"My brother." Jemma said as she stepped closer and took the photo from Spencer. "This was right after we took state. He had a full scholarship to OU, but he passed it up to join the military instead. I still can't believe that one stupid recruitment video the week before graduation was enough to convince him. If he'd skipped with his buddies that day he might still be alive."

Spencer reached out and took the photo from Jemma. He placed it back in its spot among the others and held Jemma's hand. "Why did you put all these up here?" he asked.

"I just want her to know their faces." Jemma said, feeling rather embarrassed about how sentimental she was acting. "I just want her to know how much they would love her if they were all still here."

"But she will be loved." Spencer said. "She has us, and the team, they're like my family, and they love you. Even Hotch and Rossi ask about you."

"I know, Spencer, I just-"

"I just don't want you to feel that kind of pain every time you step into our daughter's room." Spencer explained.

"It's not about the pain or the loss anymore, Spencer." Jemma said. "I mean, yeah, I still feel it, it still hurts, but this just reminds me of all the good times. Isn't that part of healing? Acceptance? I'm just trying to move forward without completely letting go. It's not right if I just forget them."

They stood in silence for what felt like hours.

"So, what did you want to ask me?" Jemma finally spoke.

Spencer nervously scratched the back of his neck and turned his gaze to his shoes to avoid looking Jemma in the eye. "I uh... I just wanted to know if... I mean, I thought maybe it would be a good idea, considering the baby and... I know I proposed before and you said no and it was a really bad idea, but would you maybe, possibly consider being a couple with me? Like, officially?"

"I need to think about it" Jemma said and pushed past Spencer and out of the room before he could stop her.

* * *

"Here, I thought you might be getting cold out here." Spencer said as he stepped out the patio door and onto the rear deck of the house. He passed Jemma a blanket which she wrapped around her shoulders.

"Thanks." she mumbled.

"Have you thought about it?" Spencer asked.

Jemma sighed and patted the empty space on the step beside her. "Come here."

Spencer sat beside her, but kept his distance, unable to read her.

Jemma looked up at the clear night sky and tried to pick out the few constellations she knew. "Remember that night back in Oklahoma when we laid under the stars?"

Spencer inched closer to her and turned his gaze to the sky. "Yeah." Of course he remembered, he had an eidetic memory, plus he considered that to be one of the best nights of his life.

"Do you remember asking me to move here and bring Lizzie with me, just so I could be with you?"

"Well, that wasn't the only reason." Spencer replied. "I wanted to save you from your father."

"Is that what you're trying to do now?" Jemma asked, looking from the stars to Spencer.

"What do you mean?" he asked, their eyes meeting.

"_This_, Spencer! Our whole relationship, whatever it is!" Jemma exclaimed. "Taking me in, taking care of me and the baby. Is this because you love me or because you want to save me? Because sure I have issues with the whole love thing, but I don't need saved. I was surviving just fine on my own before you came along, I can survive without you now."

"That's not what I-"

"Spencer, you're like the most selfless person I've ever met, don't you even try to say you're not always trying to be the hero." Jemma cut him off. "I just want to know if you're doing all this because you actually care about me or if you would do this for any poor, broken, pregnant girl."

"I-"

"No, Spencer." Jemma interrupted again. "I want you to actually _think _about this before you give me an answer. Goodnight."

Jemma stood up and returned to the house. Spencer may have had little experience in relationships, but he was pretty sure that by the way that conversation had ended he would be sleeping on the couch until further notice.

"Great, complicate this even more." Spencer said to himself before re-entering the house.

He approached the linen closet, hoping Jemma had unpacked some blankets from the apartment and stored them there. After he found what he was looking for Spencer made his bed on the couch. After a week and a half on a case he was exhausted and fell asleep quickly without thinking about his answer to Jemma's question.

He was not asleep for long when he was awoken by Jemma's familiar scream. Another nightmare. Spencer all but ran to their bedroom where he found Jemma shaking and fighting tears. Without a word he got in bed and wrapped her in his arms, rubbing her back until she finally let her tears fall.

"Thank you." Jemma sniffled when she stopped crying. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"It's fine." Spencer said, still holding her tightly.

"Did you think of your answer?" Jemma asked.

"No." Spencer admitted. "I'm sorry, I'm just so exhausted."

"That's alright." Jemma said. "You can take your time. I like this. I like what we have, Spencer. I like spending time with you, and I like that you help me with my nightmares, and I like _you_. I don't want to ruin this. I want to at least get myself right before we try anything serious. Can we do that?"

How could Spencer say no? What was the alternative, have Jemma leave and never see her or his daughter? He would have to accept it, for now anyway.

"Sure." Spencer replied and kissed Jemma softly on the cheek.

Jemma smiled and snuggled against Spencer's chest. "Thank you." she mumbled and fell back to sleep.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you all so much for reading! I am so sorry that it's taken so long to update. I've just had a lot of trouble writing this chapter. It's like I want to get from point A to point B in my writing and this chapter was kind of the path between those two points. And I apologize because I know it's not very good and I know it's not the part you're all anxious for.**

**Also, I have some news that might disappoint some of you. I am discontinuing the Threshold series. I can't do it anymore. I am actually disgusted with myself for writing it and I've come to hate Grace and I've taken that hatred out on her in my writing and I wanted to stop myself before I hurt her so bad it couldn't be fixed. I'm sorry to all the readers of that story, I really am. I will leave the stories up so you can all re-read to your hearts' content and I guess you can all finish the story for yourselves. If someone wants to adopt the story as their own, feel free to message me and maybe we can work something out.**

**In other, possibly more exciting news, I'm starting a new story. This one will be about Reid and his addiction and a mysterious girl who sings the blues. I won't release any details yet (unless you message and ask maybe), but I'm pretty excited for this one. Unlike my previous fics, this one will be published when it is completed and I hope to keep it much, much shorter (but not any less exciting) than the others.**

**Also, if you enjoy Supernatural, check out my Supernatural fic, Down The Road.**

**Thanks again for taking the time to read. Don't forget to review. Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top?**


	40. Chapter 39

_Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds._

* * *

"Spencer, where are we going?" Jemma complained from the passenger seat of Spencer's car. "I'm eight and a half months pregnant, I should be resting, not driving around all night."

"Technically, you're not driving." Spencer replied. "And since when have you ever rested when you were supposed to?"

"But I'm actually tired now." Jemma said.

"We won't be long if you're not feeling well then."

"Gonna tell me where we're going now?"

"No."

Jemma sighed and stared out the car window. The route they were driving looked familiar, but she was too tired to remember where exactly it went and she knew she had definitely not driven it in the dark like this.

"Can you believe we're just days away?" Jemma asked. "This is just..."

"Terrifying?" Spencer finished her sentence for her.

"Yeah, I guess that's just as good a word as any." Jemma said still staring out the window.

"What are you so scared about?"

Jemma turned around to look at Spencer. Feeling her eyes on him, he looked away from the road for a second to meet her gaze. "Do you really have to ask that question?"

"You know you're safe, right?" Spencer asked.

"I know, it's just that the fear feels natural now." Jemma said, almost in a whisper. "Why are you so scared?"

"Do _you_ really have to ask that question?"

Jemma laughed. "Yeah, I do. Seriously, you know absolutely everything there is to know _and_ you're a super tough FBI agent. And you're scared of a baby?"

"We're still talking about me, right? No one associates the word 'tough' with me."

Jemma shrugged. "You have to be tough to face what you face every day. I faced one night of it and it's messed me up for life."

"Well, I don't know everything." Spencer admitted. "I mean, I have no idea what I'm doing. At least you've done this before, you raised your sister."

Jemma rolled her eyes. "Do you know how many times CPS tried to take her?"

"You tried your best. The people in that town are astonishingly rude and judgemental."

"You can say that again." Jemma mumbled as Spencer parked the car on the side of the road. "Why are we stopped?"

Spencer smiled and got out of the car to open Jemma's door for her. He took her hand and helped her out onto the sidewalk.

"Wait, what are we doing at Emily's?" Jemma asked when she finally recognized where she was.

"You'll see." Spencer grinned and lead her inside.

Jemma sighed and dragged herself up the stairs to Emily's door. Whatever they were doing here she hoped it would be quick. All she really wanted to do right now was to go home, put her feet up and fall asleep watching Dr. Who.

Spencer knocked on the door and Emily instantly opened it. She and the rest of the BAU shouted "Surprise!" as Jemma stepped through the door.

"Oh my gosh, what is this?" she asked, so shocked she had no idea what to do but laugh.

"A party, for you." Emily said as she lead her inside.

"What for?"

"For finishing your degree." Spencer said as he gave Jemma the framed diploma.

"How did you get this?" Jemma asked. "I've been waiting for this for weeks. I was freaking out. Do you know how many times I had to call the university and the post office?"

"I opened your mail." Spencer confessed. "I'm sorry."

Jemma took a deep breath. She was not upset about Spencer opening her mail, in fact she was not upset at all. She was simply shocked and excited and got slightly carried away. "It's fine."

She took a better look at the framed paper and felt tears welling in her eyes. "I can't believe I finished... I can't believe you guys did this for me. I can't believe _everything_ you've all done for me." Jemma paused and glanced at everyone in the room. For the first time in a long time she felt like she belonged where she was, like she had a family. "Oh no, I'm going to start crying. I just- I can't-" Jemma sighed then took a deep breath as a few tears leaked from her eyes. "Thank you. Seriously, thanks guys, for everything."

Spencer placed his hand on Jemma's shoulder. His simple gesture comforted her enough to fight back the tears and light her face with a smile.

"What are friends for, huh?" Derek said, stepping forward from the group and pulling Jemma into a hug.

Friends. It was as if the word had ignited some sort of spark in Jemma's mind because she suddenly thought of Shawna. They had not spoken since Christmas when the stress of their fight had almost caused her to lose her baby. Shawna would have graduated a week ago. Jemma felt guilty for not being there for her and even guiltier for getting angry with her best friend.

Despite her best efforts to enjoy the rest of the party, Jemma's mind was continually drawn back to Shawna. She had sounded horrible the last time they spoke, how was she holding up? Was she still drinking? Was she still mourning? Had she even graduated.

By the time Jemma and Spencer left Emily's place Jemma had almost managed to push the thoughts of Shawna to the back of her mind. The car ride home, however presented a bigger problem than the party. Stargazing through the passenger side window only served as a reminder of all the late night drives Jemma and Shawna had taken back in Morrow Springs.

Spencer was rambling about quantum physics or something Jemma did not understand. How did he even get on that topic? Jemma had long since tuned him out and began fiddling with the radio, turning it up loud enough that she could no longer hear him.

"Jem?" Spencer said over the music, taking his eyes off the road for a fraction of a second. "Are you alright?"

"Sorry." Jemma said, returning from whatever sad place she had been in her mind. "My mind is just... somewhere else."

"Them?" Spencer asked, meaning Jemma's family.

Jemma shook her head, her eyes fixed on her shoes. "Shawna."

"When was the last time you spoke to her?"

"Christmas." Jemma sighed.

"I know you're trying really hard to move on," Spencer said, "But Shawna's basically all you have left from... from before all of this. You're not the only one who lost someone, Jemma. She lost her best friends."

Jemma knew Spencer did not make "friend" plural by accident. A wave of guilt swept over her and she had to resist the urge to pick up the phone and call Shawna right then. She easily could have considering it was only eleven o'clock in Oklahoma and Shawna was guaranteed to still be awake, but the ringing phone would wake up her step-mother, Marlene and Jemma wanted to help Shawna avoid any conflict with her.

"I'll call her in the morning." Jemma decided.

* * *

Jemma took her time getting out of bed the next morning. She blamed it on the exhaustion that came with the last weeks of pregnancy, but she knew she was really just too nervous to call Shawna. Even after she had climbed out of bed and showered, Jemma avoided the phone call by reading the newspaper and tackling the massive amount of laundry that had piled up in the last week.

It was one in the afternoon when Jemma finally ran out of chores to do. She plunked down on the couch and stared at the phone on the coffee table. With a heavy sigh she reached out and grabbed the phone, quickly dialling Shawna's number from memory.

It rang four times before Jemma heard an artificially sweet voice answer, "Hello, Dealer residence."

"Hi Marlene." Jemma leaned back against the couch, relieved that it was not Shawna who had picked up. She feared Shawna would have hung up on her.

"Jemma, dear, how are you?" Marlene asked. Why was this woman not an actress?

"I'm good, Marlene." Jemma replied curtly. "Is Shawna home?"

"Yes, she is." Marlene replied.

"Uh... could I speak to her please?" Jemma asked, curious as to why Marlene was keeping her from talking to Shawna.

"I'm sorry, Jemma," Jemma could picture the fake smile stretched across Marlene's bleach-white teeth, showing minimal wrinkles in her overly-tanned, overly-botoxed cheeks. "But Shawna cannot come to the phone right now."

"Why not?" Jemma heard a small voice say in the background; one of Shawna's numerous half-siblings.

"Tommy, please do not speak to Mommy while she's on he phone." Marlene said a little too calmly. "It's rude."

"She's lying!" Jemma heard Tommy yell at his mother. "Shawn's just upstairs in her room!"

"I'm sorry, Jemma." Marlene said coolly. "Shawna's caused an awful lot of trouble around here and I don't think it's best that she talk to you right now. Good-bye, Jemma."

Click.

Jemma stared at the phone, completely bewildered. She knew things between Shawna and Marlene were rocky at best, but she had never heard anything like this. Not in a long on earth was going on there? What kind of state was Shawna in?

Seconds later the phone rang and Jemma answered instantly.

"He-"

"Hey, Jem, Tommy just smuggled a phone to me." Shawna said in a frantic whisper. "What's up?"

Jemma hesitated. "Nothing, Shawn. What's up with you?"

"Oh, nothing much." Shawna replied. Jemma heard the crack in her voice, betraying her lie.

"Shawna, seriously, what was all that? What's going on there?" Jemma asked, determined to get the truth.

"I'm... I'm in a really bad place right now, Jem." Shawna admitted on the verge of tears. "Things are really bad here right now."

"What happened, Shawn?" Jemma asked. "You finished your degree, right?"

"Yeah, I did." Shawna sniffed. "It's just that my... my drinking has kind of gotten out of control, Jem. This town... everyone hates me here. I've done some things I'm not proud of and people have actually been attacking me for it, Jem."

"What do you mean, attacking you?"

"I've had my tires slashed. I'm harassed wherever I go." Shawna paused to catch her breath, she was now sobbing. "Last night... last night someone was driving by and shot at the house. Sarah was outside playing when it happened. Marlene wants me dead, tried to kick me out, but Dad wouldn't let her. I'm in solitary confinement right now."

Jemma was silent as Shawna sobbed through the phone. Most people's first thought would be, "What did you do and who did you piss off?", but not Jemma. All she could think about was how to help her friend.

She wished there was something she could do, but her hands were tied. The baby would be there in a matter of days and Jemma would then be assuming the role of terrified new mother. Thinking about facing motherhood almost entirely on her own was stressful enough, she didn't need to worry about-

"Shawna, listen to me." Jemma said as an idea took root in her head. "I have an idea, but I need to run it by Spencer first. Just sit tight until I call you back and promise me you won't do anything stupid, OK?"

"OK." Shawna agreed.

"I'll call you back as soon as I talk it over with Spencer."

* * *

"Pack your bags." Jemma said to Shawna when she called back.

"What? Why?" Shawna asked.

"OK, don't actually pack them right now, but do it soon." Jemma elaborated.

"I still don't follow."

Jemma rolled her eyes. "You're moving in with us."

"What? No, I can't. I live _here_, in Oklahoma. Besides, you have a family now, I can't just invade on that." Shawna protested.

"Clearly Oklahoma isn't working out for you Shawn." Jemma said. "And this isn't technically a family, Spencer and I aren't even together."

"You're pregnant with his child and you're living with him. There's some degree of togetherness there."

"Irrelevant." Jemma dismissed Shawna's argument, growing slightly annoyed at her reluctance. She had wanted help and Jemma was offering, why was she refusing?

"Jemma, please just explain this to me." Shawna sighed.

Jemma took a deep breath and calmed herself. The plan really was not that difficult to follow, but in hindsight, ordering Shawna to just pack her bags and catch the next flight to D.C. was a little ridiculous. "Shawna, I'm due in two weeks. Spencer might be able to get a week off at the most and then he'll be gone all the time. I'm really afraid of doing this on my own and since any friends I have will be gone with Spencer, I kind of wanted you to come and help me out."

"What?"

"Well, most new mothers have their mom to help them out, but I don't have anyone." Jemma said timidly, afraid Shawna would object.

"Seriously? You're seriously asking me this, Jemma?"

"I was going to make you her godmother so I thought you might want to-"

"Me? Your baby's godmother?" Shawna repeated in disbelief.

"You don't want to be?"

"Oh my God, Jemma, of course I want to be!" Shawna laughed, still amazed by the idea. "And I would love to move out there and help you, but how? I can't just leave home."

"Shawna, you're twenty-two, of course you can leave home. You've said it yourself, there's nothing for you in Morrow Springs. Get a job at one of the hospitals here and come stay with us until you can afford to move out."

Shawna felt both grateful and terrified. She had wanted to escape her hometown all her life, but now that she had the chance it felt like the most frightening journey anyone had ever taken. "Thank you, Jem." she said tearfully.

* * *

For two weeks Jemma was elated despite the growing pain, fatigue and impatience she felt. Her best friend would soon be moving in with her and it would be just like old times. Jemma loved her new life with Spencer, but having Shawna around would be a much happier reminder of her past than her frequent nightmares were.

Jemma's mood however shifted to the exact opposite of elation when she returned home from ther doctor's office.

"Stupid jerk." she grumbled, sitting on the couch with her feet propped up on the coffee table. "Why are doctors such assholes? No offence. Not that you're that kind of doctor anyway. Is that why you never went to med school? Couldn't pass the asshole test?"

"Jemma, he's just doing his job, calm down." Spencer said taking a seat beside her.

"No, his job is to get this baby out of me." Jemma said. "Right now he's keeping her _in _me. That's the opposite of what he's supposed to do."

"Actually his job is to keep you both healthy. The baby's not coming out of you until she's ready."

"But today's my due date!" Jemma whined. "This isn't fair. I'm just going to make her come out."

"No you're not." Spencer laughed nervously.

"Fine." Jemma sighed and began rubbing her belly. "But what if something's wrong? I haven't felt her move in a while."

"I think that's fairly normal." Spencer said, placing his hand on Jemma's. "I don't think she has much room left to move."

Jemma groaned and leaned her head back so she was looking at the ceiling. "I want to punch something, but I don't have the energy."

"I'm sorry, Jem."

"You should be," Jemma said turning her head toward Spencer. "You're the reason I'm in so much pain right now."

Spencer looked as if Jemma had actually hit him. "I'm only joking." she laughed and kissed his cheek, causing him to blush. "Kind of... Have you thought of any names yet?"

Spencer shook his head. "I've been thinking, but it's really hard. I mean, how can we just pick a name before we even know what she looks like?"

"Good point." Jemma said. "Although I was expecting you to have picked something by now. If you don't come up with a name soon I'm going to flip through the book and just pick whatever name my finger lands on."

"I'll narrow it down to a small list, but I'm not picking one until we see her."

Jemma sighed. She was getting nowhere, but it meant a lot to her that Spencer name their daughter. Jemma felt it would be selfish of her to pick all of her names. She had hoped that if Spencer named their daughter he would be more attached to her than he seemed to be right now. Jemma believed that the real reason Spencer had not chosen a name was that he was disinterested and did not care.

Spencer noticed a sad look come across Jemma's face and moved in closer to her.

"Are you OK, Jem?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

It did not take a profiler to know that Jemma was lying. Spencer knew from experience that words were almost useless when Jemma was feeling down. He cautiously reached out and took her hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. Spencer was still nervous every time he got this close with Jemma. He was afraid that the proximity would cause another flashback or panic attack. Even more he feared that she would reject him.

Jemma felt as if Spencer had read her mind when he held her hand. She hated when she thought such irrational things. Of course he would be there for her. Jemma smiled and squeezed Spencer's hand in return.

"We'll be fine, Jemma, I promise." Spencer assured her. "I mean, look how many people with half our intelligence have kids."

"You mean half _your_ intelligence?" Jemma giggled.

Spencer opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by his cell phone. He pulled it from his pocket and sighed as he read the text message he had just received.

"No." Jemma said desperately. "Please don't."

Spencer wondered if this was how Jemma sounded when she was begging for her life that night. He immediately felt guilty for leaving. "I'm sorry, Jem." he said. "I have to go."

"But what if I go into labour while you're gone?" Jemma asked.

"You'll be fine, I promise." Spencer said. "Do you need anything before I leave?"

Jemma shook her head. "No, I'm just going to read for a bit then hopefully get some sleep."

Spencer forced a smile as he slipped into his shoes and turned the door knob. "I'll call you as soon as I get into the hotel."

Jemma nodded sadly as she watched him rush out the door.

* * *

**AN: I really hate having to apologize to you all every time I upload a chapter, but I was once told I don't apologize or say thank-you enough so I guess I tend to over-do it now. So I'm sorry it's taken so long to upload. I've had this nearly finished for more than a month now and every time I looked at it, I just couldn't finish. **

**I've just got back to university and although I have no roommate to ruin my life and make it harder to write, I do have course overload, sorority initiation, and residence duties to deal with so I apologize that it might take a while for me to upload the next chapter. I've been planning the end of this story for over a year now and I hope actually typing it out of my head might be a little easier than this in-between kind of stuff I've been doing.**

**Oh yeah, not to spoil anything for anyone, but... BABY SOON! I'm actually so excited for Jemma to have the baby, you'd almost think it was me having her.**

**Anyway, reviews please? I would really really love them. Also, since I obviously have never had a kid before, I'm not entirely sure what the heck I'm writing here soon. Help on this one might be nice.**

**Thank you all for reading. My loyal readers make me smile!**

**-ceegeeayy**


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